Our Neglected Converts, Our Neglected Duty

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A while back, the OU’s daily Taryag email featured mitzvah (commandment) #431, the obligation to love converts. As I mention in that article, an obligation exists to love converts above and beyond the obligation to love every Jew, which is stated in Leviticus 19:18. Our additional obligations vis-à-vis converts can be seen elsewhere in the Torah, as well. For example, mitzvos #63 and #64 specifically prohibit us from verbally abusing or financially cheating a convert, over and above the fact that we may not abuse or cheat anyone. The Talmud in Baba Metzia 59b says that all told there are 36 – or, according to another opinion, 46 – discrete mitzvos obligating us in our best behavior towards converts.

puzzle piece misfit abandonedThere’s a reason that G-d takes extra steps to protect converts. It’s similar to the reason that there are special mitzvos warning us not to abuse, oppress or otherwise aggrieve widows and orphans. Just like the widow has no husband and the orphan has no father, the convert lacks the support system of a Jewish family that those born Jewish typically take for granted. So, just as G-d acts in loco parentis for an orphan and in loco maritus for a widow, He acts in loco familia for a convert. In other words, G-d personally takes up the battle of a widow, orphan or convert; this is something we should take pretty seriously but, sadly, many converts aren’t feeling the love.

One woman wrote in response to that daily mitzvah email expressing a certain exasperation including, among other things, feeling marginalized. She wrote:

You write nicely, but what are you doing to give converts tangible help? As a convert, I feel barely welcome or a part of the Jewish people. I urgently need help to live as a Jew, but most people couldn’t care less. Converts have no lobby, money or influence. Baruch Hashem, (thank G-d), some people are kind and caring, but mostly I feel uncared for and unwelcome.

I wish I could say that her experience is unique but, unfortunately, I know, and know of, too many converts who have encountered too much stupid. A person leaves the faith in which they were raised, often creating friction with family and friends, to join the Jewish people who, honestly, are not exactly the most popular people in the world. We need all the friends we can get! So when someone takes that “whither thou goest” step, don’t they deserve to be welcomed with open arms?

The Talmud in Yevamos (43b) and elsewhere makes a startling statement. There, it says that converts are as harmful to the Jewish people as a leprous blemish. (The reason for the analogy to leprosy is based on Talmudic wordplay and is beyond our scope. Let’s just address the sentiment.) The commentators are full of explanations for this statement. The Baalei Tosfos refer us to the many mitzvos requiring that we take our behavior above and beyond for the sake of a convert. It’s simply impossible, they tell us, that we’re never going to upset a convert. Inevitably, we’re going to let our guard down and lose our temper or say something stupid. Still, shouldn’t that be the exception rather the rule that it seems to have become in many places?

The Torah has nothing but the highest esteem for converts. Yisro, father-in-law of Moshe, was a convert. (By extension, so was Moshe’s wife, Tzipporah.) Rahab, who helped save the Jews in the time of Joshua, was a convert; she became the ancestor of eight prophets, including Jeremiah. The prophet Obadiah was a convert and he has his own book in Tanach. Ruth, perhaps the most famous convert of all, became the ancestor of King David. You want to look down on a convert or the children of converts? Without Ruth – a convert – Moshiach can’t even exist! (Who’s going to turn down that match? “Sorry, Ben David, but I see you’re descended from converts. Not in my family!”)

The Torah gives us a reason why we should love converts: it’s because we ourselves were strangers in Egypt. The connection is easy to see. We’ve been the outsider. We’ve been oppressed. Does anybody know better than the Jews what it means to be a stranger in a strange land, without a support system? Having been there ourselves, we’re the first who should have empathy. It should be an automatic reflex that we spring into action in order to keep others from feeling that sting.

If we allow ourselves to become part of the problem rather than part of the solution, then we fail. We fail not only the convert, we fail ourselves. (We just violated 36 or 46 Biblical injunctions, remember?) We fail the entire Jewish people by disenfranchising those we should be embracing. We fail G-d Himself, Who then takes matters into His own hands. That’s a lot of responsibility. Ultimately, working a little harder to be inclusive and to treat others the way we would want to be treated is an investment we should be all too eager to make.

 

Rabbi Jack Abramowitz is Torah Content Editor at the Orthodox Union. He is the author of five books, including The Tzniyus Book. His latest work, The Taryag Companion, is available from OU Press as well as on Amazon.

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COMMENTS
  • ccarter18@optonline.net

    Yitro may have been held in high esteem, but the rest of us are tossed aside when it comes to the most important aspect of Jewish life: marriage. After 5 years as a Jew, I heard the “Y” word for the first time last year. Not “Yitro,” not even “hey, You.” It was “yichus.” Some Jews are laboring under the delusion that having a great person in their heritage means that they are great, even superior, to other Jews. Just because your great-grandfather was a great rabbi doesn’t mean you’ll be one, too. Your great-grandfather studied hard and had others around him to support him in his efforts (maybe). Most of all, your great-grandfather had an innate intelligence for that type of work. That’s not necessarily genetic. A lazy good-for-nothing or someone who is intellectually lacking is going to have a hard row to hoe toward becoming a great rabbi, or even a mediocre rabbi, or any type of rabbi at all.
    Jews who are looking for someone with yichus immediately overlook the ger, forgetting that we have the greatest yichus of all–through Avraham Avinu and Sarah Imeinu. They also forget that those of us who have had to “survive” the most secular of worlds and now do our best to survive a Jewish world have at least twice the experiences that they have had. Given that “nurture” has as strong an influence on intellect as “nature,” you’d think that they’d think that we had a head start toward any achievement in the Jewish world. The problem lies in the word “think”–which is terribly lacking in the frum world today. So many simply follow the teachings of the loudest or most dramatic rabbi in their neighborhood without thinking about what they’re hearing.
    Many of us become Jews because we are attracted to a way of life that encourages people to think for themselves–only to find ourselves lost among the thoughtless. Thank G-d for the precious tzaddikim who look upon us as their fellow Jews, with our blemishes and blessings. I’ve been fortunate to find many like this–but they’re already married, or searching for a life partner like ourselves. The single tzaddikim occasionally end up being matched with a jerk; gerim get matched up with people who have barely one foot out the grave or an IQ way below 70. And I’m not saying that such people are not deserving of love, but being paired with people the Jewish people dismiss as “defective” because they weren’t born Jewish is not exactly the road to true love.
    I intend to remain alone, relying on good friends as a substitute for family. We pray that the frum community comes to its senses and sees that we can offer the kind of family life G-d intended us all to have.

    • rar113

      This is very beautifully put. We should all strive that our yichus begin with us, not end with us!! Incidentally, what you say goes for ba’alei t’shuvah as well.

    • BAT-EL

      i wish for you to know how my heart ached as I read your story & for the pain you have felt and are feeling as a Ger, in terms of being treated inappropriately by individuals and/or groups of Jews, specifically when it comes to marriage suggestions. if it’s any consolation, you are not alone. even us “frum from birth” Jews get the same things told to us when it’s time to get married. i can only compare it to the Goyim, who are from the Elite class, or the monied group – as we all know, they marry their kind. it is extremely rare for them to marry out of their class. unfortunately, it is very very sad that this goes on among am yisrael. because, one should be judged based upon “yichus atzmi” – personal yichus, who “we” are & what we are about, not a relative of 10 decades prior. he could have been a great tzadik, and unfortunately, the descendants 10 decades later are not even observant! yup, it happens! i was thinking that there should be a ‘Ger Chizuk Org’, where one can call up confidentially and discuss issues & get advise or assistance for qualified individuals and those who truly wish to help – a chesed organization. it sounds like it’s time that such an organization needs to be started. perhaps, even group support meetings for women & separate for men, which meet on a weekly basis. of course, these organizations & support groups should be available in the major cities, in all countries. This does sound like it’s needed. Then again, doesn’t a Ger have the individual or family that sponsored them – or guided them thru conversion – to contact for assistance?

      also, i don’t understand why are Gerim only offered Gerim as future spouses? in my opinon, if a Ger is well learned, i wouldn’t have a problem with marrying him. if we are on the same page, what’s the issue? do women refuse Gerim? or Men refuse women converts? the ones i know sure didn’t have any problems marrying a frum spouse or dating frum ones. i’m in israel, perhaps since there are so many more Gerim here, it’s less of an issue? or i just haven’t encountered the problem among orthodox Gerim?? I wish you sincere hatzlachah rabah in finding your zivug, may it be bimheirah & may you be blessed to build a bayit ne’eman b’yisrael. Amen!

  • Penina Ruth

    Your article about converts made me feel very sad and lonely. I am a convert and endure negative comments masquerading as jokes from my adult son when he talks about my decision to become Jewish. I live an hour from any Jewish community and yes, I should make an effort to become observant again. I believe your article made me realize that fact, thank you! Penina Ruth

    • http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/ Chaviva Galatz

      Penina, be in touch with me. If you’re on Facebook, I have a safe and welcoming space for converts :)

  • Richard Freer

    Thanks for the reminder. We will make a greater effort!

    Rachamim
    FLORIDIANS4israelinstititute@gmail.com

  • LookingForAJewishMom

    I am a giyores, married to a baal tshuva. We both feel the lack of a support system acutely- together. Not having family support or understanding is heartbreaking and difficult in practical ways for me and for our family, but I believe that my husband actually has it worse than I! He not only does not have a support system because no one else in his family is frum, but he also has family members who actively oppose his actions with regard to living a frum life– and they think they know better than he does!

    As a giyores, I should feel flattered by the attention given by the above article, and by the 36 or 46 mitzvos designed to protect me, but instead I can’t help be feel that this article misses the point. The community issue is not about gerim. It is about supporting any individuals who are new to frumkeit, whether their path is through gerus or through tshuva. Communities need to do much more in this regard- both gerim and ba’alei tshuva are desperately in need of support. We need mentors- not the kind who can explain theological or halachic matters (we’re already past that point!), but who can give us good ONGOING advice about how to raise children in an atmosphere totally unlike our own upbringing. The real issue of support, then, is that there is no follow-through once one has become frum, regardless of the background. Too often we simply get a “Hurray, for you for joining the frummy club” and then we’re left on our own to sink or swim. It would be nice to see mentorship programs supported by the OU, with the goal of giving us all the “FRUM Mamme or Tatte” that we did not have.

  • Joshua .

    I am a convert from the UK, who moved to Eretz Yisrael immediatly after my giur to learn in yeshiva. I can honestly say I have never experienced any negativity or feelings of alienation and have only be welcomed with open arms – in fact, I am never reminded of my status or is it ever even a conversation point.
    Interstingly I was discussing with a friend, who had an opposite experience and we came to the conclusion that the frummer the kehilla, the easier it is to be accepted. People who take torah and mitzvos as the ikkur in their life, can find no justification for such behaviour. Yet someone who doesn’t make torah the ikkur, if they are not holding in all areas of yiddishkiet, this is a difficult place to start…!

    Human nature is to put someone down to go up a bit, and we’re at the bottom of the pile haha. Even the baalei teshuva have someone to put down when it gets to us ;-)
    In the end, everything is an interaction with HaShem and everything that happens to us is orchestrated by HaShem. Sometimes He pushes us closer to him from such external events, somtimes He pushes us to have more confidence in our status…
    I would be very happy to hear with anyone who wants to share experiences – take out the brakets and that is my email address – (joshua)(5768)@gmail.com
    As Yisro comes we can accept the Torah upon ourselves again and through this action of devikus to HaKodesh Boruch Hu, may we witness achdus through out all of klal yisrael

  • http://www.facebook.com/ruchama.kneisel Ruchama Kneisel

    Thank you Ger and Ccarter18!
    I have nothing to add, you said it all! We should all find our real Zivug very very soon!

  • Guest

    In the process of conversion my adopted children ages 6, 8, 9, and 10 were called “bastards, foster, adopted, whatever…” by a “Rabbi”, a rabbi in the Kosher business who asked us to leave the Shul his family founded. He said we were you to ruin his Shul. The diatribe went on as to reference the color of my eyes in a scatogical statement…

  • disqus_skhHhgVmhR

    I was recently called before a Beit Din to defend my position as a Jew. I expect anti-semites to throw insults at me, and of course that has been done. I did not expect fellow Jews to question my status.

  • dvdcnl

    This convert has always felt welcomed and a part of the family, however I attend a conservative synagogue.

    • Mordy

      There seems to be a far more reasonable approach to Gerim in the Conservative world. In the Orthodox world you spend your entire time having to be Shtarker than the anyone else.

  • Gabriel Lopez

    Not to mention the Jews such as myself that are involved in the community, observe the laws and because of a last name such as mine (Lopez) are consistently asked to prove their “JEWISHNESS”. I was asked at Shul by someone last Shabbat if i was able to trace my ancestry. He said that he was able to trace his 500 years… He found awkward that i had a Spanish last name. This person only comes around on High Holidays or special events!!. I have been asked all sorts of questions by my own community… WHY? I have tons of stories to share but like Rabbi Akiva said, the major tenet in the Torah is “Love thy neighbor”. Let’s stop neglecting our converts, our neighbors, our community and build a stronger Jewish Community.

    • Yehdua

      Shalom Aleichim Gabriel

      Your comments were meaningful and greatly appreciated. We have family who descend from Lopez as well and we’re interested in connecting with you. We live in Bergen County NJ. Would you please write me

      Shavua Tov
      Yehuda

    • BAT-EL

      Gabriel, i was in elementary school in israel with a Lopez. obviously of Sefardi descent. you could always reply that you are descendent of the bnei anousim [the forced converts to xtianity] and since you couldn’t prove your jewish ancestrial maternal lineage, you went through conversion. that should impress people, as you were adamant to return to the jewish fold, to your roots, to your people. i don’t know you or why you converted. however, it’s possible that this is why you converted, hmmm? i’ve read many stories of converts opting to move to israel to live, as it’s easier to live here. we have jews of every stripe & color, of so many religious observances – i’m talking among those who observe the mitzvot… truly beautiful… one can try all the different “offerings”, until they find their niche :) I believe that in Judea & Samaria [Yehuda & Shomron] it’s much more easier to live, to be accepted – people there are just more open to everything, less judgemental… they are full of love for the entire Am Yisrael, regardless of whether one is observant or not! True Ahavat Chinam, the opposite of what occurred that destroyed the Beit HaMikdash – Sin’at Chinam [baseless hatred]. you are all invited to come and make your home in our home land :)

  • Shaindy Lander

    It is both somewhat comforting and disturbing at the same time that so many have had the same experience as I have. I was called a shiksa, told that I couldn’t possibly be a ‘real’ Jew because I wasn’t born Jewish, asked to be a Shabbos goy in the shul while I was undergoing conversion. The local Chabad rabbi refused to call me by my Hebrew name for years because he didn’t accept my conversion. It was only after living a frum life for a few years and working at the local Jewish Community Centre that I was finally accorded that privilege. I know my husband had things said to him for marrying a convert, though he’s never told me in detail what was said.

    Though I have no regrets, and wouldn’t change my life for anything, I wouldn’t wish conversion on my worst enemy. One must be certain down to their bones that they wish to be Jewish in order to go through this process and the derision and prejudice it brings.

    • http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/ Chaviva Galatz

      The “please be our Shabbos goy” while in the process is a very common occurrence I don’t think people mean it as a dig at the convert-in-training, but rather it is a miseducation about the mitzvoth a convert-in-training is supposed to and not supposed to take on. Many hold fast to the “a convert-in-training has to break Shabbat every week until they’re converted to remind them that they’re not Jewish yet.” Any educated, well-meaning rabbi will tell you that this is ridiculous. You don’t flip a switch over night and suddenly become completely 100 percent observant. Likewise, not a single Jew manages to keep Shabbat according to Torah 100 percent — it’s impossible. Everyone slips up, does a malakah without even knowing it.

      Most people are well meaning — it’s a lack of education that is the problem.

  • DS

    The rabbinic establishment has abandoned scores of gerim. By taking wonderful, ehrlich Orthodox rabbis and either annulling their conversions or declaring their converts “not approved” or “non-accepted,” the batei dinim themselves are committing as many as 46 issurei d’oraita. Rabbi Marc Angel (one of the greatest mumchim on giyur in the world), Rabbi Avi Weiss (one of Am Yisrael’s greatest leaders and activists), Rabbi Manny Vinas (who learned under R’ Zweig and at R’ Ziegler’s kollel), and Rabbi Haim Druckman (Rosh Yeshiva of Ohr Etzion) have been railroaded and thrown under the bus by the rabbinic establishment, with absolutely zero evidence they violated any concrete halakhot. To declare an observant Jew pasul because their tevilah, milah, and kabbalat hamitzvot was witnessed by three rabbis in kippot serugot and not Borsalino fedoras is immoral, irrational, ungodly, and anti-halakhic. A ger’s status depends more on their lifestyle choices than the political stature of the Orthodox rabbis witnessing the conversion.

    The RCA GPS standards wresting away the Orthodox rabbi’s authority to perform conversions (a conversion with a bet din of hedyotot suffices, according to the Rambam, Hilkhot Issurei Biah 13 and Shulchan Aruch, Yoreh Deah 268) represents another attempt at centralizing religious authority. Gone are the days of the respected communal rabbi who performs conversions, paskens she’eilot, and expressed opinions of their own. The understanding in many yeshivot b’zman hazeh is that a heter hora’ah is really a heter to call up mori v’ rabbi when something comes up. Perhaps this is all due to the influence of “daas toyreh,” which the late, great Jacob Katz points out is directly influenced by the Roman Catholic teaching of papal;infallibility. R’ Zvi Romm, who heads the RCA conversion program in New York, has directly stated that politics are a large component of their functioning, and has also stated that the halakha peshuta in Rambam and Shulchan Aruch is of no use to his bet din. (Ironically, unlike Rabbi Angel, who has published scores of scholarly articles and books on the topic, I have yet to see any serious work on the issue published by Romm, yet the Orthodox establishment would reflexively accept a convert who worked with Romm, whereas one of Rabbi Angel’s gerim would be rejected. Incidentally, Rabbi Reuven Feinstein and Romm are dear colleagues on the Lower East Side; R’ Feinstein was one of the biggest sponsors and supporters of the ill-fated “Eternal Jewish Family” conversion program, led by Rabbi Leib Tropper, who solicited sexual gratification from a giyoret, in a widel-publicized sex scandal).

    When people found guilty of lecherous activities get to determine the terms of discussion on inyanei giyyur, where is our moral consciousness? When individuals raised Jewish (with holidays, Hebrew School, demonstrable Jewish knowledge, even degrees in Jewish Studies, kashrut, etc., as either patrilineals in the Reform or Reconstructionist movements or with non-Orthodox-converted mothers in the Conservative Movement) need or desire halakhic conformation of their status through the act of giyyur le humra, they are turned away, under the extortionary guise of “needing” to study in an “approved” institution, such as Ohr Somayach (where Tropper was active in calling for a ban on the seforim on Rabbi Natan Slifkin, where Rabbi Dovid Orlofsky has called those Orthodox Jews not believing in “daas toyreh” “fools and kals,” and where Modern Orthodoxy and its leaders are maligned (the Jewish Observer’s 1994 “hesped” article for Rav Yosef Dov Soloveitchik, zt”l speaks volumes on how these individuals view the Modern Orthodox world and its leaders, as does the ban Ohr Somayach placed against its students dialoguing with the great rosh kollel R’ Aharon Rakeffet Rothkoff- see his shiur 29-10-12 Contemporary Hashkafa- 09:00 mark). The shitot of R’ Benzion Uziel, zt”l, Rav Shlomo Goren, Rav Isser Yehuda Unterman, Rav Tzvi Hirsch Kalischer, the Achiezer, and countless others (arguably also the Rambam and Maran haMechaber) have been rejected in favor of a unilaterally strict standard without halakhic basis.

    When incorrect and draconian standards (which do not reflect historical halakhic realities of giyur- see the brilliant analysis of Avi Sagi and Zvi Zohar in “Transforming Identity”) become the normative de facto standard, we can better understand that negative attitudes towards conversion stem from an ignorance of the classical sources and the desire to turn mevakshei emet away, as opposed to bringing them under the wings of the shechina.

  • Guest

    I felt strengthened in my thoughts by reading the other comments here.

    Like, I think, the person who identified herself as LookingForAJewishMom, I see the convert as a person alone in the community without a support system, and also as the most potentially isolated subset of a larger group that includes all those who chose to become Jewishly religiously observant though their family background is not so or not fully so, a group that includes baalei teshuva. (This group is also part of a larger group of people who want to be and remain observant though lacking a family or community support group, a group that can include orphans and widows and widowers, people left behind in changing neighborhoods, and even students on college campuses that are far from an active religious community.)

    Programming for any larger group that also includes converts somewhat addresses the problem of aiding the convert in a way that does not cause one to be continually reminded that one is a convert or that one is viewed as a convert (a consideration raised by the person who signed their comment with the ID of Ger) .

    I differ from some here who believe that solutions must depend mostly on others – i.e. the communal rabbi, or organizations like the OU. Perhaps the best way to see our needs addressed is to organize ourselves, give a name to our organization and a way for others to be in touch and participate, and set a social agenda that identifies and tries to respond to our needs. We don’t have to wait for any rabbi to get started (though we could certainly approach rabbis to get statements of approval, blessings, or even suggestions). Chazak, chazak, vnischazek.

  • Mordy

    While my Rav has been quiet in our community about my being a Ger, because I was worried about being discriminated against, he assured me that I had nothing to worry about. That said, I have heard several remarks by congregants about how gerim aren’t really Jews, and that we don’t understand what it is like to really be a Jew. I also feel like I can never explore how I live a Frum Jew and where I fall haskafically, because if I make a ‘wrong’ decision, I will get pulled in front of a beit din and have my ‘Jew-ticket’ pulled.

    If someone is halachically Jewish by birth, they can drift as far as they want without ever fundamentally being questioned as to whether or not they’re Jewish. This doesn’t exist for Gerim (at least in the Orthodox world). The Orthodox world either needs to completely stop doing geirus, or accept that all geirim will find themselves at various times along a continuum of observance like all Jews do.

  • http://www.kvetchingeditor.com/ Chaviva Galatz

    In Tosafot, commenting on Yevamos 47b, it says, “Gerim are as difficult fo rthe Jewish people as sapachas because they are not knowledgeable in the details of the commandments, and the Jewish people learn from their actions.”

    In Tosafot in Tractate Kiddushin 70b, Rabbi Avraham Ger explained that gerim are as difficult for the Jewish people as sapachas because they are fastidious in their observance of the commandments and knowledgeable in the details surrounding them — which causes G-d to remember the transgressions of those Jewish people who are not performing his will.

    I explain the sapachas comment, and the way that it’s described in Tosafot it makes a lot more sense.

    Converts have to own their uniqueness, seeing the positive side of things and not the negative; be a realist, but don’t dwell on the bad things or you’ll drown in it. I know too many bitter converts, and they bring other people down with them into the pit of convert despair. This is why I run a group on Facebook that is “secret” for converts to meet, discuss, kvetch, and figure out what it means to be a convert today.

    Also, the Jewish community at large should know that if/when a convert is so damaged and injured by the community that he or she goes “off the derech,” the fault of this is wholly on the community — not the convert

    • BAT-EL

      Yashar Ko’ach to you.

  • jachireyes@yahoo.com

    excellent, no mingling of words.

  • http://teresahessler.com/ Teresa Hessler

    Thank you Rabbi Abramowitz for this well stated article. Over the years as I go through these painful experiences of being made to feel “less than a real Jew”, I try to remind myself of some sage advice I received in my early days as a convert. My rabbi told me never to judge Judaism based on the behavior of Jews, otherwise I would risk going through life being disappointed quite often. The bottom line is that we’re all human and we’re in different places on the road to tikun.

    My husband and I walked away from our very large families to follow Torah because we sought truth and Torah was where we found it. Our conversion experience was emotional hell – not so much from our families as it was from the rabbis in the various cities we were sent to jump through hoops and prove we weren’t trying to infiltrate Judaism as missionaries! And then there was the questioning of the validity of our son’s bris milah (which was completely valid but they put my 3-year old through several examinations in multiple locations by numerous “experts” before his traumatic mikvah experience).

    I’ve had FFBs question my level of kasruth because they were taught (wrongly) by their mothers and the fact that the rabbi in charge of the vaad kasruth taught me and kashered my kitchen (and confirmed I WAS doing it right) wasn’t good enough for them. The same people treated me as though I was a leper when I announced we were making aliyah because their great, great-grandfather’s rebbe told them to remain in the USA until Moshiach personally carried them over…

    B”H we’ve been living in Israel as Dati Leumi for years, our son attends a wonderful religious school and we live in a warm and welcoming community now. We’ve had to move a few times to find work and every time we enter a new beit knesset (shul), I cringe when my husband is called to the Torah. I so very much don’t want him to have to say “ben Avraham Avinu” because I know that even on a 110 degree day, I’ll feel the ice throughout most of the congregation. Because I “look Jewish” (so I’ve been told by a few Jerusalem Rabbis who couldn’t believe I wasn’t born Jewish), I secretly hope that the women don’t assume I’m also a convert! But that will all change this year when on Parasha Bereishit our son will be Bar Mitzvah and will be called to the Torah as ben Avraham Avinu. But there is hope for the next generation when his son will be called by his name.

    Ironically, or perhaps it’s because of the way converts are treated in many US communities, we have noticed that there is a very large percentage of converts in the communities where we’ve lived in Israel. Hashem brings us together, we become friends – maybe because we’re all lacking family here – and eventually the subject comes up and we realize we have a lot more in common than we knew. But, perhaps this is also the case because when a convert learns Torah, s/he can learn the mitzvot without the sometimes irrational beliefs and practices of previous generations that have more to do with minhag than Torah. A convert can live more freely in Israel than anywhere else in the world because there are so many varieties of Jews here from all over the world. I’m not Ashkenaz, I’m not Sepharadi, I “just” a Jew following Torah in the Holy Land. And I look forward to the day when all Jews will be living here according to Torah Law and not according to practices carried on in the galut that involved fences around fences to protect them from the goyim (my ancestors).

    I could go on and on for volumes and perhaps one day when the pain and anger has subsided I will write a book.

    Thank you again Rabbi.

    Kol Tuv,
    Tehillah Ruth

  • Guest

    I wont repeat what others have so clearly written about their experiences as converts. Unfortunately, very poor ones. I am a convert and the synagogue to which the local bet din insisted i frequented has proved to be the coldest and least welcoming pl

  • http://twitter.com/cartacarbone00 gogo bonomo

    All this is very true. Too true. I believe that the rabbanut has a role in this because their good example would be the most powerful tool to fight ger segregation.

  • ChanaLeiba Tarshis

    Great article! Right on, Jack!

    -CL (Amy T.)

  • http://www.facebook.com/harold.berman.31 Harold Berman

    I was struck both by the very unfortunate experiences so many posting here have had, and the several people who suggested the need for support. I am a Baal Teshuva and my wife is a giyoret. At the time we met, however, she was a devout Christian and I was an assimilated Jew. As we traveled the road to become Orthodox Jews, we personally experienced the need for support and have seen so many others who need it. So we recently started a program called J-Journey (www.j-journey.org), where gerim and those studying to become gerim and their spouses can go for support – specifically they can consult with people who once stood in their shoes and can offer advice and support based on personal experience. Although geared toward intermarried families in the process of becoming Orthodox Jewish ones, we are working with people in many situations who are in the process of converting or already have. I just wanted to offer it as a resource for anyone who has posted here. It’s a safe, welcoming place to discuss your challenges with someone who is sympathetic, caring and knowledgeable. We would be happy to hear from you.

    We also wrote a book about our own journey to becoming a Jewish family, addressing many of the challenges that all of us face along the way. It is called “Doublelife: One Family, Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope.” Because so many gerim have already written us to say that “Doublelife” gave them a lot of chizuk, I am including the link here for more information in the hope that it will give others chizuk as well – http://www.doublelifejourney.com