Rabbi Avi Landa explores teen alcohol use, healthy boundaries, and responsible role modeling in the Jewish community
From simchas and shul kiddushes to Yamim Tovim, tisches, and seudos mitzvah, alcohol is often part of Jewish communal life. For most people, it’s a source of celebration and connection. For some teenagers, it can carry an undeniable appeal. Often associated with adulthood, independence, and social belonging, drinking may be viewed as a rite of passage rather than a potential source of harm.
We spoke with Rabbi Avi Landa, Director of Education at Amudim, a confidential support organization serving communities worldwide, about the realities of teen alcohol use, the risks parents often miss, and the role adults and communities play in shaping young people’s attitudes toward drinking.
How significant is alcohol use among Jewish teens today, and are there trends that concern you?
In my work, which is almost entirely with frum Jewish teenagers and young adults — generally males — I’ve found that the rates we see for issues around alcohol, marijuana, bullying, and other behavioral concerns generally mirror those of the broader population. Our communities may be smaller, but the trends are very similar.
According to the National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism (NIAAA), approximately one in seven teenagers in the general population between the ages of 12 and 20 drinks alcohol to some degree, while one in 13 reported binge drinking in the last month. That applies to our population as well.
One trend that concerns me is the growing normalization of alcohol in our culture. For some young adults, having fun, relaxing, or enjoying a kumzits, oneg, or shabbaton often revolves around alcohol.
Another concern is when teens begin using alcohol to cope with stress. Once alcohol becomes the go-to solution for emotional discomfort, the path to addiction can accelerate. Life is full of challenges, and if drinking becomes the default response, it can replace healthier coping mechanisms such as exercise, music, breathing techniques, meditation, or other positive outlets.
What are the biggest risk factors that make some teenagers more vulnerable to alcohol misuse than others?
Daniel Siegel, in Brainstorm: The Power and Purpose of the Teenage Brain, explains that while the teenage brain is still developing until about age 25, a common misconception is that teenagers don’t understand risk. In reality, most can calculate odds and understand statistics perfectly well.
The challenge is judgment. Teens often struggle to appreciate that even a very small chance of a severe consequence may be an unacceptable risk. For example, a 1% chance of a minor consequence may be tolerable, but a 1% chance of death is not — even though the percentage is the same. That’s where decision-making can become cloudy. Add to that peer pressure, the desire to fit in, and the complexities of identity development, and it becomes even harder for teenagers to make healthy choices.
What warning signs should parents watch for, and what should they do if they are concerned?
The warning signs are similar to those associated with other forms of substance abuse. Parents should look for abrupt changes in behavior: new interests, a different friend group, changes in energy level, mood, attitude, appetite, or overall presentation.
Parents may also notice tangible signs, such as the smell of alcohol on clothing or breath, or alcohol missing from bottles at home.
A non-confrontational first step is to say to your child, “I’ve noticed some changes, and I’d like to book you for a checkup.” Parents can privately share their concerns with the physician beforehand. Sometimes a doctor speaking one-on-one with a teenager can create a safe space for honest conversation.
Once concerns are identified, it’s important to open a dialogue. A parent might say:
“How’s everything going? I’m a bit concerned. Maybe alcohol is playing a role here, whether for stress relief or just for fun. I’d love to talk about it.”
The key is making it clear from the outset that the conversation is not punitive. As parents, our goal is to know our children, guide them, and be someone they can turn to. If a child comes forward voluntarily or answers honestly, the response should never be punishment. It should be:
“I’m proud of you. It must have been difficult to tell me that. Thank you so much for sharing.”
The initial interaction should focus entirely on maintaining trust and encouraging openness. Any necessary follow-up can take place hours, or even a couple of days later, when you revisit the conversation.
If you think an evaluation is warranted or require guidance on how to proceed, Amudim’s confidential resource center offers support and direct referrals for individuals and families impacted by addiction and other high-risk issues.
How can adults in our community model a healthy relationship with alcohol?
Alcohol is certainly part of our society and religion. Chazal recognize that alcohol can have a positive place when used appropriately. What Chazal never celebrate is “Shichruso shel Lot” — the intoxication of Lot. Binge drinking and loss of self-control are consistently portrayed negatively and as something to avoid. Whenever Chazal speak positively about alcohol, the context is moderation. If the alcohol becomes the focus and everything else merely serves as an excuse to drink, that’s a problem.
Parents can model this balance. If a guest brings a fine bottle of wine, it’s appropriate to compliment it briefly and move on. The conversation should not revolve around the wine; it should be tafel (secondary) to the Shabbos meal, the Torah, the singing, and the relationships around the table.
We also have to be realistic. Teenagers today can access alcohol relatively easily. While delaying alcohol use is beneficial, the larger goal is teaching moderation and balance.
Rabbi Zvi Gluck, our CEO at Amudim, often points out that eliminating alcohol entirely from shul may not solve the problem. If there’s no alcohol in shul, the kiddush often simply moves elsewhere, without a rav, without divrei Torah, and without supervision.
A better approach may be structured oversight. A shul could appoint someone to supervise the alcohol table — a gabbai or, if you prefer, a “bartender” — who has the authority to prevent someone from taking a drink. That policy could apply to teenagers and adults alike and help reinforce responsible drinking.
What steps can shuls, schools, camps, and community leaders take to reduce the risk of underage drinking and alcohol misuse?
Education is key.
At Amudim, we developed Darcheinu, a yearlong social-emotional learning curriculum for fifth through eighth grade, and ninth through 12th grade, currently implemented in approximately 100 schools worldwide. While it includes education about substance abuse and prevention, it is built on a broader foundation of values, friendship, communication, bullying prevention, emotional awareness, and healthy coping skills. Substance abuse prevention is most effective when it’s part of developing a healthy, resilient person overall.
Many schools and camps are already bringing in these programs and presentations, and I think shuls can play a role as well. The more we invest in social-emotional learning (SEL) and prevention education, the stronger we become as a community and as Klal Yisrael.
Rabbi Avi Landa serves as Director of Landa Counseling Center, Director of Education at Amudim, and Mashgiach of the Talmudical Academy (TA) of Baltimore Middle School. He obtained Smichas Rav Umanhig from Ner Yisroel, holds a Master’s in Counseling from Johns Hopkins University, and is a Licensed Clinical Professional Counselor (LCPC). A sought-after educator and presenter, Rabbi Landa helps clients in both private practice and educational settings to develop the tools needed to achieve greater self-sufficiency. Since joining Darcheinu in 2019, he has helped coordinate programs, train presenters, and develop curriculum.