OU Plays Matchmaker for Jewish Deaf

January 30, 1998

The Talmud refers to God as the world's greatest matchmaker. But members of the Jewish deaf singles community say Shmuel Landau runs a close second.

As the director of the Orthodox Union's (OU) Jewish Deaf Singles Registry (JDSR) – a matchmaking service that functions as a sophisticated pen pal system – Landau spends at least 15 hours a week sorting through letters and counseling deaf singles on everything from commitment-phobia to the best kosher restaurants in town. "Shmuel takes a personal interest in people," explained a deaf man in his early twenties. "For him, setting people up is a labor of love." Over the past decade, the white-haired, 5 foot 6 shadchan, (matchmaker in Heb.) who is deaf and has made 14 matches in the past few years, has earned an international reputation for finding elusive soulmates. "I even started getting e-mails from Australia!," signed 52-year-old Landau during an interview.

In addition to maintaining the registry, Landau hosts and oversees singles' events. Landau's next event, "Deaf Entertainment and Chinese Cuisine," to be held February 15, 11:00 a.m. -4 p.m., at the Jewish Educational Center, 330 Elmora Avenue, in Elizabeth, NJ, is expected to draw deaf Jewish singles from across the country.

The OU, an organization that has been in the forefront of outreach to the Jewish deaf for nearly three decades, created the registry in response to the rising numbers of intermarriages within the Jewish deaf community. Part of the OU's National Jewish

Council for the Disabled Our Way program, the registry, based in the OU's Manhattan headquarters, is the only matchmaking service catering to the specific needs of the Jewish deaf. And while intermarriage is prevalent throughout the entire Jewish community, deaf Jews -- a "minority within a minority" – often intermarry out of desperation rather than indifference.

"Ninety-five percent of deaf people marry deaf people, but there are only about 10,000 Jewish deaf people in the world. It is a very limited population," said Rabbi Eliezer Lederfeind, the director and founder of Our Way, who is also the hearing son of deaf parents and the father of two deaf children. "For a deaf man to travel to England or Israel for a date is not uncommon. The pool of eligible people is very small. I know a number of religious deaf man and women who have dated only two or three times in their lives."

But deafness is also one of the most isolating handicaps. "Because deaf people tend to have their own deaf culture – replete with their own social clubs, athletic leagues, television programs, university, publications, international Olympics and of course, language – many deaf people are plagued by a hazy Jewish identity and a strong deaf identity," explained Landau.

"The Jewish deaf person is constantly confronted with the question, 'Am I Jewish or deaf first?' " explained Rabbi Lederfeind. "Many choose the latter."  The Registry, which is published three to four times a year and sent to deaf Jews all over the world, contains nearly 100 descriptions of deaf men and women from ages 20-65 and spanning the Jewish ideological spectrum. For $10 a year, subscribers receive an anonymous ID number and prepare a description -- in 65 words or less -- of their appearance, background, favorite hobbies, religious level, qualities sought in a mate and communication style (American Sign Language, oral). All correspondence is then forwarded to the appropriate admirers through the OU offices. "I am nothing more than a mailman," confessed Landau.

Open to the never-married, the divorced and the widowed, the registry maintains one requirement for applicants: you must be Jewish according to Orthodox law. Halachic (Jewish legal) questions regarding a person's Jewishness are resolved by an OU rabbinic team. And, when the situation arises, the OU works along with other Jewish organizations to help people obtain a get (Jewish divorce).

"We combat intermarriage not by preaching to young people to marry Jewish but by helping them to marry Jewish," said Landau. "The most important thing is that we show people that we care; we are working to give them opportunities." Seemingly, the work is paying off. The most recent success: Joe Suissa from Brooklyn (#M211) and Shoshana Sabbagh from Haifa, Israel (# F133). The couple, who corresponded for nearly a year and then met, were recently married in Israel.

One of Landau's favorite stories involves a couple who was once introduced but felt "they were not for each other." Soon afterwards, they unintentionally began corresponding with each other through the Registry. A few months later, the woman, who was from Dublin, Ireland, and the suitor from Brooklyn, New York met. "It was only then that they realized that knew each other," said Rabbi Lederfeind. "But by then it was too late." The happy couple lives in Queens, New York.

The JDSR also publishes a periodic newsletter with articles of interest to the deaf single community. Some of the past singles' events include rafting trips on the Delaware river, hiking, trips to Great Adventure, roller skating in Central Park, and bar-b-ques. The events, which are held in the NY/NJ area three or four times a year, attract dozens of men and women – all ages and all affiliations – from around the globe, including England and Australia. "We're having a nature walk and a woman is flying in from Canada," said Landau. "People fly in for our events simply because there's nothing else."

Established in 1969, Our Way is the only Jewish movement reaching out to deaf across the country and bridging the gap between the hearing and the non-hearing worlds. Through a vast array of programs including Shabbatonim, holiday celebrations, Torah Study groups, summer tours, family retreats, conventions and special signing publications, Our Way provides spiritual and social opportunities for nearly 1,000 Jewish deaf youths.

For more information, please call (212) 613-8234 or write to JDSR, P.O. Box 2005, NY, NY 10159-2005.

Nechama Preis is a public relations associate at the OU.

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