Thirty Days of Mourning (Shloshim)

When Shiv’a (and Shloshim) Ends

Ended by Jewish Festivals

Shiv’a ends if a Jewish festival, Rosh Hashana, or Yom Kippur intervenes.

Shloshim ends if a Jewish festival, Rosh Hashana, or Yom Kippur intervenes.

If two of those holidays occur within the first seven days after burial, the first one will break shiv’a and the second one will break shloshim.

Shimini Atseret does not constitute a second day for breaking shiv’a or shloshim (it is considered to be part of Sukkot for this purpose).

Shloshim: Daily Life

Bathing

For the first 30 days, a mourner should not bathe for pleasure in hot water and should only wash hands (to elbows), face (to collarbone), and feet (to the knees). If sweaty, smelly, or dirty, he or she may wash other body parts even during shiv’a. Lukewarm water may be used after shiv’a ends.

Clothing

Do not wear newly purchased clothing during the first 30 days of mourning (shloshim).  You may wear new clothing from the end of shiv’a if someone else wears them somewhat before you do.

Note Restrictions on newly purchased clothing end after:

  • the year of mourning for those mourning for parents, and
  • 30 days for those mourning for other relatives.

 

Haircuts

Do not get a haircut for the first 30 days of mourning. When mourning for parents, a mourner’s hair should grow for three months from the last haircut but not for less than 30 days from the time shiv’a began. This applies to men and women, except if the woman needs to cut her hair for immersing in the mikva.

Kiddush

A mourner during shloshim (or the rest of the mourner’s year) may eat at a kiddush on Shabbat after shacharit if he is expected to be there (for example, if he is a regular member of a “Kiddush Club”) because you may not display mourning in public on Shabbat.

Nail Cutting

Do not cut your nails for the first 30 days of mourning.

Exception: Women mourners may cut their nails before going to the mikva.

Shaving

If you shave regularly (can be every day or a few times each week), you may shave after 30 days but not within 30 even if for non-parent and certainly not for a parent. If you normally grow a beard, you may not shave until 3 months have passed since the last time you trimmed your beard (and as long as it is more than 30 days from the day shiva began for the parent).

In case of a large financial loss, consult a rabbi.

Note: A large loss is subjective to the individual’s actual wealth and also to that person’s perception of what is a large loss

Getting Married

Do not get married during the first 30 days of mourning, but you may get engaged.

Copyright 2015 Richard B. Aiken. Halacha L’Maaseh appears courtesy of www.practicalhalacha.com Visit their web site for more information.

This material is provided for informational purposes only – not a substitute for the consultation of a competent rabbi.