1. Phrases to stop power struggles:<\/strong><\/p>\nWhen we need to enforce our rules and we know it\u2019s going to start a cycle of arguing we can use the following phrases:<\/p>\n
\u201cAt the same time\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cYou have 2 choices\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cYou don\u2019t have to eat this\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Here is how they work:<\/p>\n
\u201cI see you are angry\u2026 at the same time\u2026 I can\u2019t let you hurt your brother.\u201d
\n\u201cI know you are frustrated\u2026at the same time\u2026your laundry needs to be put away.\u201d<\/p>\n
This phrase validates what comes before and after. This helps children hold the two different truths at the same time. Again, this is especially effective when discipline is causing upset.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou have two choices\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cYou can color with markers or crayons\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cYou can hold my hand or sit in the stroller\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cYou can do your arts and crafts in the kitchen or the family room.\u201d<\/p>\n
Choices grab a kid\u2019s attention and can distract them from the situation at hand by offering them some control. Most important, it helps you maintain your authority.<\/p>\n
\u201cYou don\u2019t have to eat this\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
This stops the power struggle about eating. This allows children to make their own decisions about their food choices, and lo and behold, when you take yourself out of the fray, your child might be more likely to eat.<\/p>\n
2. Phrases to help discipline your children:<\/strong><\/p>\n\u201cI am sure you didn\u2019t mean to\u2026forget to brush your teeth.\u201d
\n\u201cThis is so not like you\u2026you are usually responsible about doing the dishes.\u201d
\n\u201cI know you will remember next time… (put your shoes away, do your summer homework, the rules about the iPad.)<\/p>\n
These phrases help your child save face. It is hard to listen to criticism; this allows them to hear you and still believe that they are intrinsically good. It also helps us as parents.<\/p>\n
When we stop to say, \u201cI am sure you didn\u2019t mean to\u2026\u201d we actually start to believe it. Kids generally don\u2019t misbehave on purpose to get us angry. They make mistakes or misbehave because they are kids and they often don\u2019t know any better. In this light, our children\u2019s transgressions shrink to normal proportions. It calms us down and then we can discipline effectively.<\/p>\n
3. Phrases to manage lying:<\/strong><\/p>\nKids will often lie. Sometimes they are scared and are trying to get out of trouble, or it could be magical thinking (if I say I brushed my teeth, it\u2019s true) or it could be a misunderstanding.<\/p>\n
You can use the following phrases to encourage honesty:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou might think\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cWhat I know is\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Here is how they work:<\/p>\n
When your child says: \u201cBut I washed my face!\u201d or \u201cI finished my homework!\u201d<\/p>\n
Instead of saying:<\/p>\n
\u201cStop Lying\u201d<\/p>\n
Say:<\/p>\n
\u201cYou might think \u2026 you washed your face, there is still dirt on your nose.\u201d
\n\u201cYou might think\u2026you finished your homework, there are still some problems left\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
Or use this one:<\/p>\n
\u201cWhat I know is\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n
For example, when kids say:<\/p>\n
\u201cI didn\u2019t use the playdoh!\u201d \u201cI always do my homework!\u201d \u201cI brushed my teeth!\u201d
\n\u201cWhat I know is\u2026 there is playdoh in the carpet.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat I know is\u2026 Mrs. Cohen called me about missed homework.\u201d
\n\u201cWhat I know is\u2026the toothbrush is dry.\u201d<\/p>\n
4. Phrases to stop temper tantrums:<\/strong><\/p>\nOftentimes our children are upset and we see them heading for a meltdown. We generally say things like, \u201cNow, don\u2019t start whining!\u201d or \u201cThere is nothing to be upset about!\u201d or \u201cHere we go again!\u201d<\/p>\n
Instead, it is better if we lean in to the interaction and use phrases that offer some comfort:<\/p>\n
\u201cLooks like you can use a hug\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cIs there anything I can help you with?\u201d
\n\u201cThis was so disappointing!\u201d<\/p>\n
5. Phrases to manage repetitive requests:<\/strong><\/p>\nChildren will try anything to get you to give in to their endless demands for cookies, one more video game or extra time at the park.<\/p>\n
\u201cSorry, sweetie, I am done talking about this\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cAsked and answered\u2026\u201d
\n\u201cI know you are sad. The answer is still no.\u201d<\/p>\n
My favorite phrase, from Love and Logic, is \u201cNice Try!\u201d<\/p>\n
It\u2019s a firm but kind way lets kids know that you recognize their efforts to get you to change your mind. You appreciate their gumption and spunk. Yet, it\u2019s still not going to happen.<\/p>\n
It sounds like this:<\/p>\n
Kid: \u201cMom, can I have more cookies?\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom: \u201cIt\u2019s almost dinner time.\u201d<\/p>\n
Kid: \u201cJust one more! I am starving!\u201d or \u201cYou are so mean!\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom: \u201cNice try! Dinner is in 30 minutes! Can\u2019t wait to see you there!\u201d<\/p>\n
So, there you have it. Some great phrases to help you manage your days with your kids!<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
So often, our parenting seems to happen in a blur. This seems to be even more true now, in the midst of the winter. We are tired, our kids are tired, and then we say the wrong thing and find ourselves embroiled in a power struggle, yelling or just totally exasperated with our kids. As<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-63400","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n
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