{"id":62544,"date":"2020-01-08T15:15:56","date_gmt":"2020-01-08T20:15:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=62544"},"modified":"2020-01-08T15:15:56","modified_gmt":"2020-01-08T20:15:56","slug":"my-child-wants","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-child-wants\/","title":{"rendered":"\u201cMy child wants\u201d"},"content":{"rendered":"

Things must have shifted in society-at-large and my pediatric office is a small microcosm where a different phenomenon is emerging.\u00a0 <\/span>Allow me to explain.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Pediatricians are, for the most part, warm, friendly, kids-centric people.\u00a0 <\/span>Not every child wants to come to the pediatrician\u2019s office.\u00a0 <\/span>That\u2019s normal, also for the most part. \u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

So years ago, in order to make visits to our office \u201cfun,\u201d we instituted giving each child a sticker when the visit is finished.\u00a0 <\/span>Our patients leave feeling \u201cgifted.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>There\u2019s a wide array of stickers available — Frozen, Cinderella, Thomas the Engine, Peppa Pig, Star Wars.\u00a0 <\/span>It seems like there\u2019s a sticker for everything possible (and we proudly keep ours \u201cG-rated\u201d).\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The rule has always been one sticker per child who has been seen.\u00a0 <\/span>We relent a bit when asked if siblings have accompanied the patient.\u00a0 <\/span>For the most part, children and their parents ask for a sticker and say \u201cplease\u201d and accept the sticker with saying \u201cthank you.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Lately, my staff and I are noticing a shift.\u00a0 <\/span>What\u2019s that?\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

First, some kids accept the sticker, look it over and say they want something else.\u00a0 <\/span>In the olden days, which seems like a few short months ago, children gladly took the stickers, said \u201cthank you\u201d and left happy.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The other shift is parents are asking for more than one sticker and\/or for stickers for the siblings at home.\u00a0 <\/span>We explain to the parent that it is one sticker for each patient seen.\u00a0 <\/span>The parent replies, \u201cBut his sister is at home and will feel left out if she doesn\u2019t get a sticker.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>The front desk person states the rule (a new phenomenon, having to set and state parameters for sticker giving) and the parent rolls her eyes and says, \u201cBut it\u2019s only a sticker.\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Mommy and Abba \u2013 You are so right.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s only a sticker.\u00a0 <\/span>But it is really something so much bigger.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead of focusing on the sticker, please think about that there are rules in life wherever we go.\u00a0 <\/span>Whether or not we like or even understand the rules should be immaterial. \u00a0 <\/span>What matters is there are rules, which are in place so things run smoothly.\u00a0 <\/span>This is called \u201cpolicies and procedures.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>No effective, meaningful entity \u2013 whether it\u2019s a family, interpersonal relationships, school or yeshiva or seminary, restaurant, hospital, airline or anything \u2013 can function without them.\u00a0 <\/span>Businesses have employee handbooks because the terms for employment are clearly stated.\u00a0 <\/span>People with Global Entry have one queue at passport control while those who don\u2019t have it have another.\u00a0 <\/span>Following rules ensures that missions are accomplished.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rules have been thought through and thought out, despite what you think.\u00a0 <\/span>Are they arbitrary?\u00a0 <\/span>Absolutely.\u00a0 <\/span>Why?\u00a0 <\/span>Because each being or unit or whatever makes the rules as it deems fit and necessary.\u00a0 <\/span>You may not like them because it means that you may not necessarily get what you want, how you want it, when you want it.\u00a0 <\/span>You may see it as punitive, a punishment designed and carried out specially made for you, when in reality, such is life.\u00a0 <\/span>I\u2019m sorry.\u00a0 <\/span>It is your privilege not to like the rules.\u00a0 <\/span>Disrespecting them is something else.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Respecting the rules is important as they tend to minimize chaos.\u00a0 <\/span>Even more important, when we adults respect the rules, we role model for the younger ones in our lives the essentialness of rules.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Sometimes, it is better to bite your tongue and say nothing in front of your children.\u00a0 <\/span>If you choose to have a discussion about the rules with whatever entity, do so privately and respectfully.\u00a0 <\/span>No one says that everyone in the entity has to agree on everything.\u00a0 <\/span>However, respect the rules and respect other people.\u00a0 <\/span>Dissing the rules means that your children are learning how to diss your rules.\u00a0 <\/span>An unpleasant picture might otherwise emerge, G-d forbid.\u00a0 <\/span>Kibbud Av V\u2019Eim<\/i> is the foundation of Yiras Shamayim<\/i>.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As far as all the siblings at home who are salivating for stickers \u2013 Please.\u00a0 <\/span>No two children get exactly equally all the time from each person in their lives.\u00a0 <\/span>A mother of a large family recently became a grandmother to a baby boy in Israel.\u00a0 <\/span>In her words \u2013 \u201cDr. Lightman \u2013 My oldest child gave birth in Israel and I left my nine other kids for 10 days to go help her.\u00a0 <\/span>It\u2019s crazy that I left nine needy children at home because one child 6,000 miles away really needed me.\u201d\u00a0 \u00a0<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n

It\u2019s not crazy.\u00a0 <\/span>It is reality.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

It is the job of parents to explain to their own children that you don\u2019t always get what you want and how you want it.\u00a0 <\/span>It is your responsibility to teach your children \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>You will be doing them and you a huge Chessed<\/i> by learning the word \u201cno\u201d and adhering to it.\u00a0 <\/span>Not every young frum Jewish man or woman gets into their first-choice yeshiva or seminary \u2013 and it is not the end of the world, despite however painful it is in the moment.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But no matter what, you always have to follow the rules.\u00a0 <\/span>By doing so, may we raise generations of children who grow into functional adults who are Mikadesh Shem Shamayim<\/i> in everything they do.\u00a0 <\/span>HaShem has given us a Torah with rules, regulations and boundaries.\u00a0 <\/span>The purpose is to make us into a better, more functioning human being.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As always, daven.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Things must have shifted in society-at-large and my pediatric office is a small microcosm where a different phenomenon is emerging.\u00a0 Allow me to explain.\u00a0 Pediatricians are, for the most part, warm, friendly, kids-centric people.\u00a0 Not every child wants to come to the pediatrician\u2019s office.\u00a0 That\u2019s normal, also for the most part. \u00a0 \u00a0 So years<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133543,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-62544","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n\u201cMy child wants\u201d - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-child-wants\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"\u201cMy child wants\u201d - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Things must have shifted in society-at-large and my pediatric office is a small microcosm where a different phenomenon is emerging.\u00a0 Allow me to explain.\u00a0 Pediatricians are, for the most part, warm, friendly, kids-centric people.\u00a0 Not every child wants to come to the pediatrician\u2019s office.\u00a0 That\u2019s normal, also for the most part. \u00a0 \u00a0 So years\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-child-wants\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-01-08T20:15:56+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Hylton I. 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