{"id":62529,"date":"2020-01-02T13:57:11","date_gmt":"2020-01-02T18:57:11","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=62529"},"modified":"2020-01-02T14:11:23","modified_gmt":"2020-01-02T19:11:23","slug":"vayigash-lean-in-to-your-anxieties","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/health\/mental-health\/vayigash-lean-in-to-your-anxieties\/","title":{"rendered":"Vayigash: Lean In to Your Anxieties"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are times in our lives when we are forced to make a difficult choice. We often know deep down inside what the right answer is, but it is usually fear or anxiety that gets in the way with following through. For instance, we may believe that another person is taking advantage of us or using intimidation tactics to get their way – but we feel powerless to respond. Our friends and mentors may advise us to \u201cbe strong\u201d, \u201cface your fears\u201d or \u201cstand up for yourself\u201d – but our natural instincts are to avoid confrontation and run away.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There are many poignant examples of brave individuals from the Torah who were faced with great dilemmas, and who chose to approach them head on, rather than brush them aside. Perhaps this is best exemplified by Yehudah, who demonstrates leadership qualities in several Torah narratives by choosing to engage in difficult conversations.<\/span><\/p>\n

This week\u2019s parsha begins with the famous words \u201c\u05d5\u05b7\u05d9\u05bc\u05b4\u05d2\u05bc\u05b7\u05e9\u05c1 \u05d0\u05b5\u05dc\u05b8\u05d9\u05d5 \u05d9\u05b0\u05d4\u05d5\u05bc\u05d3\u05b8\u05d4\u201d – \u201cAnd Yehuda approached (<\/span>VaYigash<\/span><\/i>) him\u201d. Just to recap – Yosef, whom the brothers don\u2019t recognize, had been tormenting them by accusing them of various crimes, playing \u2018mind games\u2019 with them, and framing Binyamin for stealing his goblet. Yehuda appears to have had enough of being a passive bystander in this tortuous game and decides to stand up to Yosef.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The Torah highlights this monumental moment by using the word \u201c\u05d5\u05b7\u05d9\u05bc\u05b4\u05d2\u05bc\u05b7\u05e9\u05c1\u201d, because its <\/span>shoresh <\/span><\/i>\u00a0is \u201c<\/span>gash,\u201d\u00a0 <\/span><\/i>which is the word used whenever someone courageously faces danger. As the Torah commentator, <\/span>Hakesav Vehakabalah, <\/span><\/i>writes (Bereishis 18:23):<\/span><\/p>\n

\u05d4\u05d4\u05e7\u05e8\u05d1\u05d4 \u05dc\u05de\u05dc\u05da \u05d5\u05d2\u05d3\u05d5\u05dc \u05d0\u05d5 \u05dc\u05de\u05e7\u05d5\u05dd \u05e1\u05db\u05e0\u05d4 \u05e0\u05e7\u05e8\u05d0\u05d4 <\/span>\u05d4\u05d2\u05e9\u05d4<\/b>.<\/span><\/p>\n

The root word \u201c<\/span>gash<\/span><\/i>\u201d is used when someone approaches a king or superior, or dangerous situation.<\/span><\/p>\n

Interestingly, sometimes the word <\/span>gash<\/span><\/i> is used to mean the exact opposite, when paired with the Hebrew word \u201c<\/span>hallah<\/span><\/i>\u201d as in \u201c\u05d5\u05d9\u05d0\u05de\u05e8\u05d5 <\/span>\u05d2\u05e9<\/b> \u05d4\u05dc\u05d0\u05d4\u201d – \u201cAnd they said \u2014 <\/span>go close <\/b>(<\/span>gash)<\/span><\/i> to over there\u201d (Bereishis 19:9). Rashi explains this confusing phraseology in his comments as follows:\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\u05e7\u05e8\u05d1 \u05dc\u05d4\u05dc\u05d0\u05d4, \u05db\u05dc\u05d5\u05de\u05e8, \u05d4\u05ea\u05e7\u05e8\u05d1 \u05dc\u05e6\u05d3\u05d3\u05d9\u05df \u05d5\u05d4\u05ea\u05e8\u05d7\u05e7 \u05de\u05de\u05e0\u05d5 \u05d5\u05db\u05df \u05db\u05dc \u05d4\u05dc\u05d0\u05d4 \u05e9\u05d1\u05de\u05e7\u05e8\u05d0 \u05dc\u05e9\u05d5\u05df \u05e8\u05d7\u05d5\u05e7.<\/span><\/p>\n

Which means to go to close to the sides, for the word \u201c<\/span>hallah<\/span><\/i>\u201d means to distance oneself.<\/span><\/p>\n

Lashon Hakodesh<\/span><\/i> has a beautiful way of perfectly describing the essence of a word\u2019s meaning. The word <\/span>gash<\/span><\/i> does not simply imply physical proximity, but rather a psychological willingness to draw closer to someone, or something. Conversely, the word <\/span>hallah<\/span><\/i> is not distancing oneself physically, but when paired with the word <\/span>gash<\/span><\/i> ironically implies the opposite of approaching – mainly, avoiding.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Taken all together, this dual-nature of the Hebrew word couple is reminiscent of the approach-avoidance conflict, an important psychological concept. Kurt Lewin, a German-American psychologist from the early 1900\u2019s, coined the term: approach avoidance conflict. Lewin, like so many other famous psychologists, was born to a Jewish family and even received an Orthodox education. He explained that often times in life we face a situation that presents positive and negative outcomes, simultaneously, and we become hesitant about how to proceed.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

When someone is faced with an opportunity that has both positive and negative ramifications (e.g., a new job offer, partnership, or serious relationship), they often feel stressed about making a decision. The excitement and potential gain of approaching the situation tend to be more dominant initially, creating positive feelings, but as it becomes closer to a reality (e.g., the day of the wedding), negative feelings increase and avoidance is stronger.<\/span><\/p>\n

However, research shows that the best approach (pun intended) is to face your fears, do something even if it makes you nervous, and overcome your anxiety. In fact, avoiding the situation not only makes it worse, but even serves to strengthen your original fear or anxiety! For instance, a child who is scared of dogs is likely to avoid dogs whenever he\/she sees one. Not only does this create problems in the moment (especially for the parents), it actually reinforces the child\u2019s belief that dogs are scary and should be avoided. It is almost impossible for the fear to go away without approaching it head on. This is why the gold standard psychotherapy treatment for treating phobias and other anxiety related problems (e.g. social anxiety) is exposure therapy, also known as gradual desensitization.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This is not only true for psychological fears – but for uncomfortable situations as well. There is a popular expression nowadays to \u2018lean in\u2019 to difficult conversations. We live in a social climate now with political polarity and people are all too comfortable associating with like-minded community members. While this pattern helps to make us feel safer and more secure with our beliefs, avoiding real, thought-provoking dialogue with others across the spectrum only serves to drive us further apart.\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

As Yehuda teaches us in this <\/span>parsha<\/span><\/i>, when we lean in, <\/span>gash<\/span><\/i>, and approach difficult conversations with a confident but respectful demeanor, we open the doors to connecting with one another, which ultimately leads to unity and redemption!\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

This article is based on the newly released book: Handbook of Torah and Mental Health, co-authored by David Rosmarin and Rabbi Saul Haimoff. It is published by Mosaica Press and distrubed by Feldheim. The Handbook of Torah and Mental Health is the first book of its kind to collect and catalog over 50 Torah sources from Tanach, Chazal, Rishonim, Achronim, Chasidus and Modern Jewish Thinkers and connect them to mental health diagnoses, treatments and concepts based on scientific studies.\u00a0<\/span><\/i><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

There are times when need to face our fears and anxiety rather than avoid them. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133799,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[15],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-62529","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-mental-health"],"yoast_head":"\nVayigash: Lean In to Your Anxieties - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/health\/mental-health\/vayigash-lean-in-to-your-anxieties\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Vayigash: Lean In to Your Anxieties - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"There are times when need to face our fears and anxiety rather than avoid them.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/health\/mental-health\/vayigash-lean-in-to-your-anxieties\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2020-01-02T18:57:11+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2020-01-02T19:11:23+00:00\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rabbi Saul Haimoff\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rabbi Saul Haimoff\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/health\/mental-health\/vayigash-lean-in-to-your-anxieties\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/health\/mental-health\/vayigash-lean-in-to-your-anxieties\/\",\"name\":\"Vayigash: Lean In to Your Anxieties - 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