{"id":62344,"date":"2019-09-19T05:47:27","date_gmt":"2019-09-19T10:47:27","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=62344"},"modified":"2019-09-19T05:47:27","modified_gmt":"2019-09-19T10:47:27","slug":"destruction-repentance-and-rebuilding","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/destruction-repentance-and-rebuilding\/","title":{"rendered":"Destruction, Repentance and Rebuilding"},"content":{"rendered":"

Every year, I\u2019m struck by the way the themes of the month of Av seem to morph seamlessly into those of Elul. During the summer, we talk about the variety of sins blamed for the destruction of the first Beit Hamikdash, and focus especially on reversing the sinat chinam<\/i>, baseless hatred, that brought about the destruction of the second. <\/span><\/p>\n

Then, as summer comes to a close, we find ourselves in the season of teshuva<\/i>, working to prepare ourselves for the days of Judgment and Atonement by improving our conduct in a variety of areas \u2013 often with a focus on asking and granting the forgiveness necessary to repair relationships with our fellow humans.<\/span><\/p>\n

Or at least, we say that\u2019s what we\u2019re doing. We certainly want to, and certainly many of us do. But it\u2019s complicated.<\/span><\/p>\n

One reason it\u2019s complicated is that we don\u2019t always know what we\u2019ve done wrong, or even that<\/i> we\u2019ve done wrong. And we\u2019re in good company.<\/span><\/p>\n

The relationship between the Beit Hamikdash and teshuva<\/i> actually dates much earlier than the calendrical proximity between mourning the Temples and repenting our sins; in fact, one of the key purposes King Shlomo outlined for the Temple he built was as a focal point for teshuva<\/i>. And one of the key verses in his speech about it hints to one of the key challenges that makes it all so complicated: <\/span><\/p>\n

When they sin against You (for there is no man who will not sin),<\/b> and You are angry with them\u2026and their captors carry them off to the enemy land\u2026And they return to their heart in the land where they were captives\u2026 And they return to You\u2026 and they pray to You towards their land, that you gave to their ancestors, the city You chose and the house that I built for Your Name\u2026 (I Kings 8:46-48)<\/span><\/p>\n

Shlomo\u2019s parenthetical comment, \u201cfor there is no man who will not sin,\u201d strikes us as almost poignant in its obvious truth. Nebach<\/i>, we all know we\u2019re human, and humans aren\u2019t perfect; we all make mistakes, right? <\/span><\/p>\n

But this verse is even more <\/i>striking in light of Shlomo\u2019s own missteps just a couple of chapters later, and what Chazal have suggested about the reasons behind his conduct. We are told at the beginning of chapter 11 that Shlomo \u201cloved many foreign women\u201d (11:1) and that his many wives \u201cturned his heart away after other gods\u201d (ibid. 4) \u2013 exactly as warned in Devarim 17:17, that a king \u201cshall not have many wives, so his heart will not go astray.\u201d (For our purposes, we will leave aside the question of whether Shlomo himself worshipped other gods or \u2013 as seems to be the consensus among traditional commentators \u2013 \u201csimply\u201d allowed and perhaps assisted his wives to do so.) <\/span><\/p>\n

How could Shlomo Hamelech, the wisest man who ever lived, who had experienced prophecy and who merited to build the Temple even his devoted father couldn\u2019t achieve, fall into such an obvious trap? <\/span><\/p>\n

A well-known statement in the Gemara points out that he also messed up with regard to the prohibition for a king to have an excessive number of horses, and ended up going to Egypt for them just as predicted in Devarim \u2013 and explains that he fell into both errors precisely because the traps were so obvious: <\/span><\/p>\n

The rationales of two texts were revealed, and the greatest in the world stumbled in them. It is written, \u201cHe shall not have many wives\u201d; Shlomo said, \u201cI will have many but will not stray.\u201d \u2026 And it is written, \u201che shall not have many horses\u201d; and Shlomo said, \u201cI will have many, but will not return [to Egypt, to get the best horses].\u201d (Sanhedrin 21b)<\/span><\/p>\n

The Gemara attributes Shlomo\u2019s sins to overconfidence coupled with too much information. The Torah usually refrains from telling us the reasons for mitzvos, says the Gemara, because look what happens when it does tell us: we get someone who thinks he\u2019s smart enough and strong enough to achieve the goal without following the mitzvah \u2013 and in truth, no one is. Even the one with the divinely-gifted wisdom that might offer good reason for thinking he can handle it, can\u2019t.<\/span><\/p>\n

Why couldn\u2019t he? \u201cThere is no man who doesn\u2019t sin,\u201d said Shlomo \u2013 and yet, he apparently thought he could be that man. Shlomo understood the fallibility of the human race, yet didn\u2019t apply it to himself. <\/span><\/p>\n

How could that be? Why didn\u2019t his wisdom protect him? He knew better; he understood it all!<\/span><\/p>\n

Because wisdom is not a great mirror. A person can be tremendously wise, possessing insight into everything about the world and people and Torah \u2013 yet be completely blind when it comes to his or her own conduct. Imagine a person schmoozing with a friend, and the name of a mutual acquaintance comes up, followed by the remark, \u201cIt\u2019s so hard to be friends with her; she\u2019s always gossiping about others!\u201d It looks ridiculously, obviously, hypocritical in black and white print, right? A trap so obvious no one could fall into it? Yet we say things like that all the time. We can\u2019t see the obvious in ourselves, and so we make mistakes. <\/span><\/p>\n

And really, the reason we are so blind about ourselves might be obvious too \u2013 though we experience meta-blindness about it. Ralbag, in the toalot<\/i> section of his commentary, asserts simply that the reason Shlomo did mess up, despite his wisdom and Hashem\u2019s very clear warnings, was \u201chis desire\u201d: he wanted more horses, and he longed for those many wives. Because he longed for those wives so deeply, \u201cthey led his heart astray in a manner that he hid his eyes from them\u2026\u201d\u00a0 <\/span>Because when we want whatever it is we can\u2019t have \u2013 the extra horse, the clever comment, whatever it is \u2013 we allow our vision to blur. We hide our eyes from what would be obvious if we saw it in anyone else. <\/span><\/p>\n

And afterwards, too, it can be incredibly difficult to recognize the mistakes we\u2019ve already made and do teshuva<\/i>. We see that challenge even more explicitly in Shlomo\u2019s predecessors: Shaul, who greeted Shmuel with the enthusiastic claim that he had done as commanded and couldn\u2019t understand that he had actually directly disobeyed explicit instructions; and David \u2013 who offers a model not just of the challenge, but of overcoming it. <\/span><\/p>\n

The most famous example in David\u2019s life occurs after his infamous encounter with Batsheva and removal of her husband.\u00a0 <\/span>David apparently doesn\u2019t realize his own somewhat obvious misbehavior (however we identify the precise sin, even the Talmudic statement that \u201canyone who says David sinned is mistaken\u201d does not mean he was blameless), though he certainly would recognize it in others. When the prophet, Natan, shows up with a contrived case that the reader recognizes immediately as a parallel to David\u2019s story, the king issues an immediate ruling \u2013 because it\u2019s clear! – but doesn\u2019t realize until Natan spells it out for him: \u201catah ha\u2019ish<\/i>!\u201d You are that man, David! Why can\u2019t you see it in yourself? <\/span><\/p>\n

But at least he sees it when someone else points it out. <\/span><\/p>\n

We find the same phenomenon in II Samuel, when one of David\u2019s sons has fled and David\u2019s general feels it\u2019s time to call him home. Rather than telling the king directly \u2013 which might only succeed in eliciting the sort of defensiveness that goes hand-in-hand with blindness to our own failings \u2013 Yoav hires a clever woman to offer another contrived parallel case. Once again, David misses the point, blind to the obvious relevance of his own ruling to his own life \u2013 until it\u2019s pointed out to him. <\/span><\/p>\n

The challenge of objective assessment of one\u2019s own character, failings, and room for improvement is familiar; we know of our own subjectivity just as Shlomo knew of the fallibility of the entire human race \u2013 in theory. How do we translate that theory into practice, to identify our own mistakes and work towards forgiveness and redemption? <\/span><\/p>\n

If we\u2019re lucky, a prophet or other clever person will show up to set us straight; if we\u2019re wise, we\u2019ll take the point. <\/span><\/p>\n

But perhaps there\u2019s another way too, a mental exercise. Can we imagine explaining our daily behaviors \u2013 that time I didn\u2019t bentch<\/i> because I \u201cmight still eat more\u2026 oh, whoops, too late\u201d; that time I shared a funny story that probably wasn\u2019t funny to those it was about. Can we imagine how it would hear to their ears, or to our own if the tables were turned? <\/span><\/p>\n

When my oldest was a baby, we lived in a garden apartment building with no laundry room; we had to walk to another building in the complex. It was hard to bring the baby with me to do laundry, and during those blessed months when she took regular and lengthy naps, I faced a major dilemma: Can\u2019t I just run over there while she\u2019s sleeping and switch the laundry? What are the odds that anything will happen in those few minutes? She\u2019s in her crib, I can even bring the baby monitor and see if it reaches far enough\u2026 But I never did it, prevented by one perhaps morbid thought: If chas v\u2019shalom<\/i> anything did happen, could I explain myself to the police? How would my rationalizations sound to other ears? To my own ears, if I heard the words spoken aloud? <\/span><\/p>\n

The famous adage says not to judge another person until you\u2019ve walked a mile in his moccasins \u2013 or as it\u2019s stated in Avot 2:4, until you \u201carrive in his place.\u201d But maybe sometimes, we have to step into someone else\u2019s vantage point in order to judge ourselves. <\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Every year, I\u2019m struck by the way the themes of the month of Av seem to morph seamlessly into those of Elul. During the summer, we talk about the variety of sins blamed for the destruction of the first Beit Hamikdash, and focus especially on reversing the sinat chinam, baseless hatred, that brought about the<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133529,"featured_media":62345,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-62344","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\nDestruction, Repentance and Rebuilding - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/destruction-repentance-and-rebuilding\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Destruction, Repentance and Rebuilding - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Every year, I\u2019m struck by the way the themes of the month of Av seem to morph seamlessly into those of Elul. 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