{"id":61923,"date":"2019-05-14T13:49:49","date_gmt":"2019-05-14T18:49:49","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=61923"},"modified":"2019-05-22T10:30:56","modified_gmt":"2019-05-22T15:30:56","slug":"words-matter","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/words-matter\/","title":{"rendered":"Words Matter"},"content":{"rendered":"

There are two kinds of people in the world: Those who will say \u201cIt\u2019s 12:37\u201d and those who will round the time to 12:40 or even to 12:30.<\/p>\n

Often, the latter approach is fine. In many contexts, a few minutes \u2013 three, or even seven \u2013 won\u2019t make a big difference. But I could never quite understand the impetus. It\u2019s not harder to say \u201c12:37\u201d if I know that\u2019s the answer, so why not<\/em> be precise? On the other hand, for some reason people tend to think it\u2019s weird, so \u2013 in the absence of a good reason for precision, or a desire to be teased \u2013 I will often swallow my precision pride and round my answer.<\/p>\n

Of course, sometimes there is<\/em> good reason for precision. If someone wants to know how much time they have until Shabbos starts, or whether it\u2019s too late to daven mincha<\/em> or too early to count the omer<\/em> \u2013 then rounding is completely unhelpful. Halacha, after all, is exacting.<\/p>\n

The tendency to \u201cround\u201d \u2013 to speak in approximate rather than precise terms \u2013 can also be expressed in areas that have nothing to do with numbers, and though we may not realize it, the misinformation can have consequences at least as serious as a missed shkiyah<\/em>.<\/p>\n

For instance, I make a point of explaining to my kids that we don\u2019t \u201cnot keep chalav Yisrael<\/em>.\u201d The requirement of chalav Yisrael<\/em> is halacha, not a minhag passed down by family or that one can choose whether to accept. The reason we eat dairy products that some of our neighbors don\u2019t isn\u2019t that we don\u2019t keep the same halacha<\/em>, but that we rely on different opinions as to which scenarios fulfill that halacha \u2013 in particular, the view of Rav Moshe Feinstein that government regulations are an acceptable stand-in for Jewish supervision<\/strong><\/a>.<\/p>\n

Important difference? Mostly not, if you live in America with those government regulations. We can \u201cround\u201d the topic, and speak in terms of keeping or not keeping chalav Yisrael<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Unless<\/em> \u2013 one of my kids, having grown up thinking that it\u2019s always acceptable to buy any milk in a supermarket, goes traveling to some country without similar regulations and buys nonkosher milk.<\/p>\n

Words matter. Precision matters.<\/p>\n

Years ago, my mother and I were amused by an approximation in our shul\u2019s announcements: \u201cWe have learning programs for everyone: men, women, and boys!\u201d We looked at each other and laughed \u2013 but really, it\u2019s nothing to laugh at. I\u2019m quite sure the shul president didn\u2019t intend to imply that \u201cgirls\u201d aren\u2019t part of \u201ceveryone\u201d \u2013 but make that sort of slip enough times, and how will those forgotten girls eventually start to feel and think about themselves and about their place in their community?<\/p>\n

Whether or not there are programs for every segment of the shul population, whether or not they are different from each other \u2013 we can at least pay attention to how we talk about them, and not say \u201ceveryone\u201d when we don\u2019t mean it.<\/p>\n

This sort of thing comes up all the time. How many times did I raise my hand, as a teenager at a shabbaton, when someone asked \u201cHow many people washed?\u201d We all knew the question was aimed at the boys, to see whether there was a minyan<\/em> for bentching<\/em>, and \u201cpeople\u201d was an approximation \u2013 just like we all know that \u201c12:30\u201d might be an approximate response when we ask for the time. And I had zero problem with not being counted for that minyan<\/em> \u2013 but I didn\u2019t appreciate the implication, unintended though it knew it was, that \u201cpeople\u201d is synonymous with \u201cboys over 13 years old\u201d and didn\u2019t include me.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s arguably even worse when these sloppy word choices make their way into publications, codified for all time. The examples are too numerous to count, but here\u2019s one: Rambam states that the mitzvah<\/em> of sefirat ha\u2019omer<\/em> applies \u201cto every man of Israel\u2026 And women and slaves are exempt from it\u201d (Hilchot Temidin U\u2019Musafin 7:24). The translation on one reputable website reads \u201cEvery Jew is required to perform this duty\u2026 Women and slaves, however, are exempt from it.\u201d<\/p>\n

How many people might stumble on this line and its implication that \u201cwomen\u201d are not \u201cJews,\u201d and what ideas about Judaism will that erroneous read create or support? Rambam, living in the Middle Ages, was precise in differentiating the obligations for an ish<\/em>, man, and for a woman. But in contemporary times, we\u2019re unthinkingly spreading the idea that \u201cwoman\u201d is a separate category from \u201cJew.\u201d Whoops.<\/p>\n

We\u2019ve allowed ourselves to fall into habits and modes of speech that are not just imprecise but potentially damaging. Habits are understandable \u2013 but that doesn\u2019t excuse them. We can and must say what we mean, and mean what we say, and be careful what we say about who is and isn\u2019t \u201ceveryone\u201d or \u201cpeople\u201d \u2013 lest we give the wrong impression about traditional Jewish perspectives on which human beings count.<\/p>\n

Because, of course, though women are not counted<\/em> for a minyan<\/em> \u2013 we most definitely count<\/em>. That\u2019s the difference one can make with careful, precise wording.<\/p>\n

On the subject of public prayer, consider the difference between the phrase \u201cbehind the mechitzah<\/em>\u201d and \u201con one side of the mechitzah<\/em>.\u201d The former implies that the men\u2019s section, where all the action is, is primary, while the women are hidden\/pushed behind<\/em>. The latter implies that there are two equal sides, though different things might happen on each. Which is it that we really mean?<\/p>\n

Or on the subject of private prayer: Someone recently remarked to me, \u201cwell, but women don\u2019t have to daven.\u201d I tried to let it go similarly casually: \u201cSure we do!\u201d He persisted, \u201cBut, I mean, not an obligation<\/em>.\u201d I pulled out a Gemara Berachos and showed him where the Mishna says women are obligated in tefilah<\/em> (20a-b). He still couldn\u2019t let it go, arguing that it must be at least that women aren\u2019t obligated to recite specific tefilos<\/em>, at set times.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s true that there are various opinions as to the parameters of women\u2019s obligation in standardized prayer. But when the Mishna says straight out that women are obligated in tefilah<\/em>, when the Mishna Berurah (ibid. s.k. 4) rules that women are obligated to recite shemoneh esrei <\/em>for both shacharis <\/em>and mincha<\/em> \u2013 then where does an Ashkenazi yeshiva<\/em> guy (who\u2019s probably learned Mishna Berachos, and whose practice presumably tends to be in line with the Mishna Berurah\u2019s rulings) get the idea that women have no<\/em> obligation to pray?<\/p>\n

I can only imagine that it comes from imprecise communication, and the habits of our communities. After all, many women don\u2019t engage in formal prayer as much as many men do, usually for good reason, and I suppose it is a little easier to say \u201cwomen don\u2019t have to daven\u201d than to say, for instance, \u201cwomen have to daven shacharis<\/em> and mincha<\/em>, but those who have children might need to adopt a more lenient practice while their children are young.\u201d But just think of the consequences to women\u2019s halachic practice, and to male support of women\u2019s prayer, when we neglect precision in favor of saving a few words.<\/p>\n

Lest I seem to be overstating the case \u2013 consider how often men make comments when a woman shows up in shul any time other than a Shabbos morning, making her feel unwelcome even in the women’s section. I\u2019ve been fortunate not to encounter it myself \u2013 though I have experienced the slight awkwardness of entering the women\u2019s section and finding men there, who fortunately (for them) had the sense to leave. But I\u2019ve heard so many stories, at least some of which could perhaps have been prevented if certain men had been given accurate information about both women\u2019s personal responsibilities to pray and the potential for communal prayer to \u201ccount\u201d even when one isn\u2019t \u201ccounted.\u201d<\/p>\n

One final example, still in the realm of gender but in the other direction: Shabbos candles, contrary to widespread opinion, are not just for women. I was once handed a kiruv<\/em>-oriented pamphlet that explicitly stated women<\/em> have a mitzvah to light Shabbos candles. What the writer probably meant was that there\u2019s a traditional connection between women and Shabbos candles \u2013 but the clear implication (I wish I could remember the precise imprecise wording!) was that men have no obligation. That\u2019s an understandable mistake, given the habits of our communities that have women playing a primary role in this mitzvah<\/em>, but it\u2019s simply not true. (See, for instance, Rambam in Hilchos Shabbos 5:1-3, regarding both the habits and the halachic reality.) How many men might neglect their Rabbinic responsibility \u2013 because their rabbeim <\/em>didn\u2019t think to teach them about Shabbos candles (since it\u2019s a \u201cwomen\u2019s mitzvah<\/em>\u201d), or because they picked up that pamphlet searching for inspiration and truth and found a falsehood buried inside?<\/p>\n

Words matter. The more entrenched we become in lazy habits of approximate wording, the more we risk losing sight ourselves of what we really meant, not to mention the potential effects on our audience. We do<\/em> keep chalav Yisrael<\/em>; even one minute counts when determining whether lighting Shabbos candles is a Rabbinic requirement, for men and women, or a biblical offense; and women and girls are \u201cpeople\u201d too, and Jews. These are things we must know, and that we must convey accurately.<\/p>\n

And the stakes are especially high in the realm of gender. In an era when women\u2019s place and respect in halachic Judaism has been called into question from so many directions, it is crucial that we pay attention to the messages we send. It is crucial that we give careful thought to what we want to say and how to say it precisely. It\u2019s not harder to say \u201cmen\u201d when that\u2019s what we mean, any more than it\u2019s harder to say \u201c12:37\u201d when that\u2019s what we just saw on the clock.<\/p>\n

It is beyond time that we be as exacting about halacha as halacha is itself.<\/p>\n

\n

Sarah C. Rudolph is a Jewish educator and freelance writer. She has been sharing her passion for Jewish texts of all kinds for over 15 years, with students of all ages. Sarah\u2019s essays have been published in a variety of internet and print media, including Times of Israel, Kveller,\u00a0Jewish Action<\/a>, The Lehrhaus, TorahMusings, and more. Sarah lives in Cleveland with her husband and four children, but is privileged to learn online with students all over the world through\u00a0www.TorahTutors.org<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0www.WebYeshiva.org<\/a>. She is also Editor-At-Large at Deracheha:\u00a0womenandmitzvot.org.<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

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