{"id":61332,"date":"2019-01-02T11:23:40","date_gmt":"2019-01-02T16:23:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=61332"},"modified":"2019-01-03T12:16:57","modified_gmt":"2019-01-03T17:16:57","slug":"so-why-risk-exile","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/so-why-risk-exile\/","title":{"rendered":"So Why Risk Exile?"},"content":{"rendered":"

Last week<\/strong><\/a>, I shared some of the fears that go along with writing for public consumption \u2013 such as the possibility of being misunderstood, maybe even with disastrous results \u2013 but in the interests of space, I left out an important element of the topic:<\/p>\n

Why do it, if it\u2019s so fraught with danger?<\/p>\n

One answer is the same reason my husband took our daughter skiing last week and I didn\u2019t. It\u2019s the reason I don\u2019t gamble but others do, the reason my husband went into medicine and not finance (not that he ever really considered finance), and the reason I went into chinuch<\/em> and not psychology or law (both of which I did consider, briefly).<\/p>\n

It\u2019s the cost-benefit analysis behind everything we do, and the inner drive that tells us how to weigh those costs and benefits against each other. It\u2019s the force that tells us some risks are worth taking \u2013 and it’s often subjective and highly personal.<\/p>\n

I don\u2019t want to ski \u2013 and honestly, don\u2019t want my loved ones to ski \u2013 because I\u2019m afraid. But the only reason my fear is so strong is that my desire to ski is basically nonexistent. I don\u2019t see the appeal in attaching long bits of wood to my boots and sliding down a snow-covered mountain, so my decision is easy: stay home and drink hot chocolate! My husband, on the other hand, enjoys skiing. He indulged my lack of interest and stayed off the slopes for 15 years, but now that our oldest expressed her own interest, he wanted to take her. The statistics of injury don\u2019t change based on who is considering them, but they have different weight because he wants to and I don\u2019t. What makes him want to ski so much that it outweighs the risks involved? I have no idea. The risk doesn\u2019t make sense to me, because I don\u2019t see a benefit large enough to outweigh it \u2013 but my husband and daughter do. (Thank G-d, she survived the bunny slopes\u2026)<\/p>\n

Generally speaking, I\u2019m not a risk-taker. We worked with a financial adviser for a while who would send periodic \u201crisk tolerance\u201d questionnaires to help decide where to invest our money. My answers tended towards the \u201chiding money under my mattress\u201d end of the spectrum. (Yes, I know that\u2019s not secure either \u2013 and note to would-be thieves, I don\u2019t really do it \u2013 but it feels safer than actively handing money to a market that might never give it back!) I have no desire to gamble, because the benefit of keeping what I have secure outweighs the attraction of trying for more. Others, though, want the chance badly enough to accept the risks.<\/p>\n

When we do anything in life, the benefits have to be worth the costs, and those calculations are different for everybody.<\/p>\n

My husband likes to say he could never have gone into a profession that involved handling other people\u2019s money. Too much responsibility, too much risk. \u201cTheir internal organs, however,\u201d he laughs, \u201cThose I have no problem handling!\u201d<\/p>\n

Are internal organs less precious than money? Of course not. Is it safer to risk making mistakes in medicine than in finance? Of course not. But something<\/em> \u2013 the possible benefit to mankind, an interest in the science of medicine, an internal certainty of his own capabilities \u2013 pulled him towards medicine despite the risk, while nothing pulled him towards finance. Just like nothing pulls me to the slopes.<\/p>\n

I, on the other hand, never felt a pull to medicine. When I was 17 and debating where to go to college and what to do with my life, I was intrigued by both psychology and law. But, much like my husband\u2019s feelings about handling other people\u2019s money \u2013 I couldn\u2019t see myself taking responsibility for anyone\u2019s psychological health or their freedoms. As I realized that nothing energized me like the thought of standing in front of a classroom, I was as aware of the irony as my husband is about his chosen field. \u201cTheir souls, however \u2013 I\u2019ll take those on!\u201d<\/p>\n

Some people are drawn to finance, some to medicine, some to psychology or law, whatever. Every choice brings risks, and we accept those risks as a necessary cost of the calling we feel deep in our souls. We know that we can <\/em>do this and we must<\/em> do this, and we will just have to take whatever precautions we can and pray that we don\u2019t mess up too much along the way \u2013 because of course, knowing that we can <\/em>doesn\u2019t mean we always will<\/em>, with no mistakes at all.<\/p>\n

So why do I take the risk of saying stuff to my students, to the world, even though I know I might be misunderstood and misunderstandings can have disastrous consequences?<\/p>\n

I knew at 17 that I had no choice but to embrace the challenges and risks inherent in messing with people\u2019s souls, because I knew I had a drive to teach Torah and that drive meant I would have to do it. In more recent years, I\u2019ve developed a related drive to write. These are the risks I\u2019m drawn to, so they\u2019re the risks I\u2019ll have to face.<\/p>\n

And the other reason \u2013 related, of course \u2013 is that the risks actually go both ways.<\/p>\n

The Gemara in Sotah (22a) criticizes both a scholar who is qualified to offer halachic rulings but doesn\u2019t, and a scholar who isn\u2019t qualified but does. I wish the Gemara would offer a little more guidance there: How do we know when we\u2019re qualified? Are the risks higher if I speak up or if I stay quiet? Am I irresponsible if I do, or irresponsible if I don\u2019t?<\/p>\n

It can be helpful to get guidance from mentors or friends \u2013 certainly, in the Gemara\u2019s actual case of qualifications to give halachic rulings, one needs a higher authority to proclaim one ready. But I think we can expand the basic idea beyond hora\u2019ah<\/em>, and recognize there is a piece that comes from within, that drive that tells each of us this is what I can do and what I must do<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Sometimes we see a problem in the world that needs addressing. Nobody can possibly speak up about every important issue. But \u201cshtikah k\u2019hoda\u2019ah<\/em>\u201d \u2013 silence is like acquiescence. Those issues that nudge at me, because I know I have something worth saying and I feel the sentences forming \u2013 I cannot be silent. I have to do my best to say it well, but not<\/em> saying it is not an option; the risks of messing it up are real, but they\u2019re outweighed by the risks of staying silent.<\/p>\n

Other times, I simply come across a Torah insight that begs to be shared, or a random thought calls to me like a puzzle to be assembled or a piece of clay to be sculpted. There\u2019s an itch, a bug buzzing in my brain until the words pour out into my keyboard and I breathe a sigh of relief that it\u2019s gone. I have things to say, and I have to say them.<\/p>\n

There\u2019s an excellent precedent for this approach. According to Rabbi Yonatan in Bereishit Rabbah<\/em>,
G-d Himself told Moshe not to worry about people who would misunderstand the words \u201cLet us<\/strong> make Man,\u201d but to write it and let those who wish to err, err. G-d had a book to write, with ideas to convey, and He wouldn\u2019t be stopped by concern for those who might misunderstand.<\/p>\n

Can I say, then, that this type of risky behavior is simply an attempt to emulate G-d?<\/p>\n

As a teacher and as a writer, I live with the fear that I will say or do something wrong and set someone\u2019s soul on a course towards \u201cexile\u201d or worse, to borrow the wording referenced in last week\u2019s essay. But it\u2019s not the same kind of fear as that which keeps me from skiing. It\u2019s the kind of fear that draws my husband and daughter to go <\/em>skiing. It\u2019s the thrill of a challenge I must face and conquer, despite the risks.<\/p>\n

And when I face the risks and achieve something of benefit, the rush is better than any ski trail could possibly be.<\/p>\n

Not that I plan on trying it to compare.<\/p>\n

\n

Sarah C. Rudolph is a Jewish educator and freelance writer. She has been sharing her passion for Jewish texts of all kinds for over 15 years, with students of all ages. Sarah\u2019s essays have been published in a variety of internet and print media, including Times of Israel, Kveller,\u00a0Jewish Action<\/a>, The Lehrhaus, TorahMusings, and more. Sarah lives in Cleveland with her husband and four children, but is privileged to learn online with students all over the world through\u00a0www.TorahTutors.org<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0www.WebYeshiva.org<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Last week, I shared some of the fears that go along with writing for public consumption \u2013 such as the possibility of being misunderstood, maybe even with disastrous results \u2013 but in the interests of space, I left out an important element of the topic: Why do it, if it\u2019s so fraught with danger? One<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133529,"featured_media":61333,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-61332","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\nSo Why Risk Exile? - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/so-why-risk-exile\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"So Why Risk Exile? - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Last week, I shared some of the fears that go along with writing for public consumption \u2013 such as the possibility of being misunderstood, maybe even with disastrous results \u2013 but in the interests of space, I left out an important element of the topic: Why do it, if it\u2019s so fraught with danger? 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