{"id":61234,"date":"2018-12-17T11:47:14","date_gmt":"2018-12-17T16:47:14","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=61234"},"modified":"2019-01-04T09:53:35","modified_gmt":"2019-01-04T14:53:35","slug":"whether-you-come-to-talk-to-god-to-your-friends-or-to-both-shul-is-a-place-for-you-a-measured-call-regarding-talking-in-shul","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/whether-you-come-to-talk-to-god-to-your-friends-or-to-both-shul-is-a-place-for-you-a-measured-call-regarding-talking-in-shul\/","title":{"rendered":"A Measured Call Regarding Talking in Shul"},"content":{"rendered":"

Whether You Come to Talk to God, to Your Friends or to Both, Shul is a Place For You<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is an old joke about an atheist who goes to shul every Shabbos and sits next to his friend Ginsburg. One day, someone asks the atheist why he keeps coming to services if he doesn\u2019t believe in God. He replies, \u201cGinsburg goes to shul to talk to God. I go to shul to talk to Ginsburg.\u201d<\/p>\n

The truth is there are many believers who come to shul to talk both to God and to their friends, most of whom they haven\u2019t seen the entire week.\u00a0 This is understandable, and it is why most campaigns to stop the talking in shul either fail to launch or fail to succeed long term, even if they do have an impact for a short time.<\/p>\n

So what can be done to improve this epidemic?\u00a0 Some wish for a massive crackdown, a zero-tolerance policy.\u00a0 Others cynically dismiss the issue altogether and react with great indignation to the suggestion that anyone has a right to call for them to stop talking or to institute policies towards that end.\u00a0 But, like most topics, the issue of talking in shul needs to be addressed with nuance and realism and at the same time with resolve and optimism.<\/p>\n

The place we come to daven is called a \u05d1\u05d9\u05ea \u05db\u05e0\u05e1\u05ea, a hall to assemble and congregate. \u00a0We draw energy from one another, we come to connect with one another and it is an unreasonable expectation that we would do so without exchanging a greeting or being drawn to engage in at least a brief conversation.<\/p>\n

Halacha recognizes that when people see each other, even if one is in the middle of davening, a greeting is not only tolerable or acceptable, it is permissible.\u00a0 Though the Mishna Berura (66:3) is clear that we\u00a0don\u2019t follow this practice today<\/i><\/strong>, the Mishna in Berachos 13a states that when transitioning between paragraphs of Shema, one can not only interrupt and respond out of fear (for example, to respond to the greeting of a king who could sentence him to death should the greeting go unanswered), but one can even initiate a greeting out of respect.\u00a0 (The Rambam understands out of respect as referring to one\u2019s parents, but Rashi understands\u00a0adam nichbad<\/em>\u00a0more broadly.)<\/p>\n

And so any effort to address the epidemic of excessive and disrupting talking in shul must begin with the recognition that people come to shul for many different reasons and that while most come to talk to God, they also show up to connect with their friends.<\/p>\n

Moreover, a shul that encourages and promotes outreach and aspires to create a warm and welcoming atmosphere for newcomers and the uninitiated simply cannot have a zero-tolerance talking policy which will be perceived as cold, heartless and off-putting.<\/p>\n

So what can be done?\u00a0 Do we simply accept that people will talk in shul and during davening as they have since davening was first instituted?<\/p>\n

We cannot!\u00a0 There is too much at stake, too many things to daven for, too many people relying on us for our heartfelt prayers, too many children who are watching us and learning from us. I promise you, in your section, perhaps even in your row, is someone desperately davening for a child, someone struggling with a serious diagnosis, someone feeling lonely, someone whose marriage or finances are in crisis, someone struggling with anxiety or depression, or a family member of one of these individuals pouring their heart out to Hashem to intervene and intercede.<\/p>\n

The saying goes, if you come to shul to talk, where do you go to daven? \u00a0However, it could be emended to read, if you come to shul to talk, where should your friends and neighbors go to daven?<\/p>\n

The Chasam Sofer (Derashos 2:309) writes that only Shuls that are homes of prayer, not conversation, will be rebuilt in Israel in the Messianic era. \u00a0The Tzlach, R\u2019 Yechezkel Landau writes, \u201cThere is no greater rebellion against the King of the world than to speak in His sanctuary, in His presence.\u00a0 Speaking during davening is like placing an idol in the Temple.\u201d<\/p>\n

The Chafetz Chaim (Mishna Berura 124:27) quotes the Kol Bo: \u201cWoe to the people who speak during davening.\u00a0 We saw several Shuls destroyed because of this sin.\u00a0 There should be people appointed to work on this issue.\u201d<\/p>\n

We cannot and must not concede that talking is a given and that is why this Shabbos we are launching a campaign to minimize talking in davening.\u00a0 \u00a0Following the advice of the Chafetz Chaim, a diverse committee under the leadership of its chair, Dr. Jonathan Winograd, has been working on a nuanced, measured campaign to identify segments of davening that we can collectively agree to make an effort not to disrupt with talking, while being open and tolerant that people may exchange greetings at other times.<\/p>\n

We have identified two parts of davening in which we are appealing to refrain from talking altogether:<\/p>\n