{"id":61074,"date":"2018-11-30T08:48:47","date_gmt":"2018-11-30T13:48:47","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=61074"},"modified":"2019-01-16T08:35:03","modified_gmt":"2019-01-16T13:35:03","slug":"being-single-should-not-have-to-mean-being-alone","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/being-single-should-not-have-to-mean-being-alone\/","title":{"rendered":"Being Single Should Not Have to Mean Being Alone"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Imagine not being invited for Shabbos dinner and going home from shul to eat all alone. \u00a0You eat, you read, you read some more and when you look at the clock, it\u2019s not even 8:00 pm.<\/p>\n

For some that sounds like a dream come true, and maybe it is for one week. But what if that was your experience each and every Friday night.\u00a0 While others spend their week looking forward to laughing, singing, talking, and playing games, you experience each week the anxiety of waiting and wondering if an invitation will come, and, if so, from whom and who else will be there.<\/p>\n

At what point during the week do you stop waiting and start dropping hints in the hope that someone will give you the dignity of at least acting as if they thought to invite you, rather than your having to invite yourself.\u00a0 You don\u2019t want to feel like a chesed case or be assigned to people to host you, so when the invitation doesn\u2019t come, you just go home and eat the backup minimal spread you put together in case nobody at shul asked you to come home with them.<\/p>\n

If the above depiction seems harsh, it is a paraphrase of what has been described to me by those who experience it directly.\u00a0 If we understood that this was the alternative, we wouldn\u2019t trade our full Shabbos tables, busy Friday nights, cooking, cleaning, serving and clearing for anything in the world.<\/p>\n

We, the greater Jewish community, excel in times of crisis.\u00a0 We show up, we volunteer, we coordinate, pitch in, take over and do whatever is necessary to help those going through illness or loss to make sure that they don\u2019t feel alone, isolated or abandoned, even for a moment.\u00a0 But what about those who are chronically alone, either after the crisis passes or without a crisis ever having arisen?<\/p>\n

I was recently talking to a couple of people from our shul about the experience of being single in an observant, family-centric community.\u00a0 They answered by sharing a letter with me to pass on to you.\u00a0 These are their words:<\/p>\n

Dear BRS Member,<\/p>\n

I\u2019m your neighbor. I live on your street. We wave to each other during the week as we get out of our cars, as we come home from work, or collect our mail. We smile and act as if we know each other. We say \u201cGood Shabbos\u201d to each other as we pass each other on our way to shul. But as friendly as we are to each other, you may not know this \u2013 I sit by myself eating Shabbat meals week after week.<\/p>\n

While you sing zmirot and share words of Torah, I thumb through the weekly while I sip my soup alone. I\u2019ve tried to fill my own table by inviting guests. It\u2019s wonderful to host others, but as a single person it is difficult to sustain these activities week after week.<\/p>\n

As I watch you invite your many friends into your home, I think to myself. \u201cIsn\u2019t there room at their table for just one more?\u201d I\u2019m happy to bring a delicious dish or a D\u2019var Torah, or participate in a lively discussion. I\u2019d be happy to contribute to your Shabbat table. I love living in the BRS community, but often, my Shabbats and Yom Tovim are long and lonely.<\/p>\n

Perhaps the next time that you are planning your menu and guest list for Shabbat, you could please consider your single neighbor and add just one more chair to your table.<\/p>\n

Our conversation and their letter got me thinking. Here are a few thoughts:<\/p>\n

To those who are married<\/strong>:<\/p>\n