{"id":60992,"date":"2018-11-14T10:28:07","date_gmt":"2018-11-14T15:28:07","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=60992"},"modified":"2018-11-14T10:28:07","modified_gmt":"2018-11-14T15:28:07","slug":"vayetse-when-the-i-is-silent","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/vayetse-when-the-i-is-silent\/","title":{"rendered":"Vayetse: When the \u201cI\u201d is Silent"},"content":{"rendered":"

Covenant & Conversation: Family Edition<\/em>\u00a0is a new and exciting initiative from The Office of Rabbi Sacks for 5779.\u00a0 Written as an accompaniment to Rabbi Sacks\u2019 weekly\u00a0Covenant & Conversation<\/em>\u00a0essay, the\u00a0Family Edition<\/em>is aimed at connecting older children and teenagers with his ideas and thoughts on the\u00a0parsha<\/em>. Each element of the\u00a0Family Edition<\/em>\u00a0is progressively more advanced;\u00a0The Core Idea\u00a0<\/em>is appropriate for all ages and the final element,\u00a0From The Thought of Rabbi Sacks<\/em>, is the most advanced section. Each section includes\u00a0Questions to Ponder<\/em>, aimed at encouraging discussion between family members in a way most appropriate to them. We have also included a section called\u00a0Around the Shabbat Table<\/em>\u00a0with a few further questions on the\u00a0parsha<\/em>\u00a0to think about. The final section is an\u00a0Educational Companion<\/em>\u00a0which includes suggested talking points in response to the questions found throughout the\u00a0Family Edition<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Download as PDF<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

Covenant and Conversation on OU Torah<\/strong><\/a><\/p>\n

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The Parsha in a Nutshell<\/strong><\/p>\n

Jacob leaves home, running away from Esau his brother who had promised to kill him, but then finds himself in a difficult relationship with Laban, his uncle, who agreed to take him in. He falls in love with Laban\u2019s younger daughter Rachel and agrees to work for seven years to earn her hand in marriage. When the wedding eventually takes place, Jacob wakes the next morning to discover that Laban had switched his elder daughter, Leah, in place of Rachel. Jacob later marries Rachel as well, but there is tension between the sisters. Leah, who feels unloved, is blessed with many children; Rachel, deeply loved by Jacob, is not. There is further tension between Jacob and Laban \u2013 about flocks, wages and ownership \u2013 which eventually leads Jacob to run away once again, this time homeward. The\u00a0parsha<\/em>\u00a0begins and ends with these two journeys.<\/p>\n

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The Core Idea<\/strong><\/p>\n

In this week\u2019s\u00a0parsha<\/em>\u00a0Jacob, alone and far from home, lies down for the night, with only stones for a pillow, and dreams of a ladder set on earth but reaching heaven, with angels ascending and descending. Jacob calls the dream an encounter with the \u201chouse of God\u201d, hinting that this is the future location of the Temple, which will be a model for our \u201chouse of God\u201d today, the synagogue. This was the first dream of a \u201cgate of heaven\u201d that would allow access to a God that stands above, letting us know finally that \u201cGod is truly in this place.\u201d<\/p>\n

There is, though, something strange in the Hebrew text that is lost in translation, and it took the Hassidic masters to remind us of it. The word\u00a0yadati\u00a0<\/em>means \u201cI knew,\u201d and\u00a0lo yadati<\/em>, \u201cI did not know.\u201d When Jacob wakes from his sleep, however, he says, \u201cSurely the Lord is in this place\u00a0ve\u2019anokhi lo yadati<\/em>.\u201d\u00a0Anokhi\u00a0<\/em>means \u201cI,\u201d which in this sentence is superfluous. To translate it literally we would have to say, \u201cAnd I, I knew it not.\u201d Why the double \u201cI\u201d?<\/p>\n

To this, Rabbi Pinchas Horowitz (Panim Yafot<\/em>) gave a magnificent answer. How, he asks, do we come to know that God is in this place? By\u00a0ve\u2019anokhi lo yadati\u00a0<\/em>\u2013 not knowing the I. We know God when we forget the self. We sense the \u201cThou\u201d of the Divine Presence when we move beyond the \u201cI\u201d of egocentricity (thinking about ourself first). Only when we stop thinking about ourselves do we become truly open to the world and the Creator.<\/p>\n

QUESTIONS TO PONDER:<\/strong><\/p>\n

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  1. Have you ever been so engrossed in something you have forgotten where you are and what time it is? Have you ever forgotten who you are for just a split second?<\/li>\n
  2. Can you think of a festival in the Jewish calendar when Jewish law makes demands on us designed to do just this \u2013 ignore ourselves and only concentrate on the world and the Creator?<\/li>\n
  3. Why do you think being focused on ourselves prevents us from praying or establishing a deep relationship with God?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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    It Once Happened…<\/strong><\/p>\n

    The Hassidic master Rabbi Simcha Bunim of Peschischa used to say to his students: \u201cEveryone must have two pockets, with a note in each pocket, so that he or she can reach into the one or the other, depending on the need. When feeling lowly and depressed, discouraged or disconsolate, one should reach into the right pocket, and, there, find the words:\u00a0For my sake was the world created<\/em>. But when feeling high and mighty one should reach into the left pocket and find the words:\u00a0I am but dust and ashes<\/em>.\u201d<\/p>\n

    QUESTIONS TO PONDER:<\/strong><\/p>\n

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    1. What is the message of this story? What connection can you see between this story and \u201cThe Core Idea\u201d above?<\/li>\n
    2. Which of the two pieces of paper do you think is more important to focus on? Can they both be true at the same time?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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      Thinking More Deeply<\/strong><\/p>\n

      The idea presented in \u201cThe Core Idea\u201d above gives us insight into some of the great questions about prayer: What difference does it make? Does it really change God? Surely God does not change. Besides which, does not prayer contradict the most fundamental principle of faith, which is that we are called on to do God\u2019s will rather than ask God to do ours? What really happens when we pray?<\/p>\n

      Prayer has two dimensions, one mysterious, the other not. In times of crisis we cry out from the depths of our soul, and something happens. Sometimes we only realise it later, looking back. Prayer makes a difference to the world \u2013 but how it does so is mysterious.<\/p>\n

      There is, however, a second dimension which is non-mysterious. Less than prayer changes the world, it changes us. The Hebrew verb\u00a0lehitpalel<\/em>, meaning \u201cto pray,\u201d is reflexive, implying an action done to oneself. Literally, it means \u201cto judge oneself.\u201d It means, to escape from the prison of the self and see the world, including ourselves, from the outside. Prayer is where the relentless first person singular, the \u201cI,\u201d falls silent for a moment and we become aware that we are not the centre of the universe. There is a reality outside. That is a moment of transformation.<\/p>\n

      If we could only stop asking the question, \u201cHow does this affect me?\u201d we would see that we are surrounded by miracles. There is the almost infinite complexity and beauty of the natural world. There is the divine word, our greatest legacy as Jews, the library of books we call the Bible. And there is the unparalleled drama, spreading over forty centuries, of the tragedies and triumphs that have befallen the Jewish people. Respectively, these represent the three dimensions of our knowledge of God: creation (God in nature), revelation (God in holy words) and redemption (God in history).<\/p>\n

      Sometimes it takes a great crisis to make us realise how self-centred we have been. The only question strong enough to endow existence with meaning is not, \u201cWhat do I need from life?\u201d but \u201cWhat does life need from me?\u201d That is the question we hear when we truly pray. More than an act of speaking, prayer is an act of listening \u2013 to what God wants from us, here, now. What we discover \u2013 if we are able to create that silence in the soul \u2013 is that we are not alone. We are here because someone, the One, wanted us to be, and He has set us a task only we can do. We emerge strengthened, transformed.<\/p>\n

      More than prayer changes God, it changes us. It lets us see, feel, know that \u201cGod is in this place.\u201d How do we reach that awareness? By moving beyond the first person singular, so that for a moment, like Jacob, we can say, \u201cI know not the I.\u201d In the silence of the \u201cI,\u201d we meet the \u201cThou\u201d of God.<\/p>\n

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      From the Thought of Rabbi Sacks<\/strong><\/p>\n

      Prayer is our intimate dialogue with Infinity, the profoundest expression of our faith that at the heart of reality is a Presence that cares, a God who listens, a creative Force that brought us into being in love. It is this belief more than any other that redeems life from solitude and fate from tragedy. The universe has a purpose. We have a purpose. However infinitesimal we are, however brief our stay on earth, we matter. The universe is more than particles of matter endlessly revolving in indifferent space. The human person is more than an accidental concatenation of genes blindly replicating themselves. Human life is more than \u2018A tale, told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.\u2019 (Macbeth 5.5.26\u201328). Prayer gives meaning to existence.<\/p>\n

      It is possible to believe otherwise. There can be a life without faith or prayer, just as there can be a life without love, or laughter, or happiness, or hope. But it is a diminished thing, lacking dimensions of depth and aspiration. Descartes said, \u2018I think, therefore I am.\u2019 Judaism says, \u2018I pray, therefore I am not alone.\u2019<\/p>\n

      It takes courage to believe. Jews need no proof of the apparent injustice of events. It is written on the pages of our history. Jews had no power or earthly glory. For the better part of forty centuries our ancestors lived dispersed throughout the world, without a home, without rights, all too often experiencing persecution and pain. All they had was an invisible God and the line connecting us to Him: the Siddur, the words of prayer. All they had was faith. In Judaism, we do not analyse our faith, we pray it. We do not philosophise about truth, we sing it, we daven it. For Judaism, faith becomes real when it becomes prayer.<\/p>\n

      In prayer we speak to a presence vaster than the unfathomable universe yet closer to us than we are to ourselves: the God beyond who is also the Voice within. Though language must fail when we try to describe a Being beyond all parameters of speech, yet language is all we have, and it is enough. For God who made the world with creative words, and who revealed His will in holy words, listens to our prayerful words. Language is the bridge that joins us to Infinity.<\/p>\n

      In prayer God becomes not a theory but a Presence, not a fact but a mode of relationship. Prayer is where God meets us, in the human heart, in our offering of words, in our acknowledged vulnerability.<\/p>\n

      Ten Paths to God \u2013 Unit 2, Prayer: Speaking to God<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

      QUESTIONS TO PONDER:<\/strong><\/h3>\n
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      1. Using this source as well as the ideas contained in this week\u2019s\u00a0Covenant & Conversation<\/em>, how many themes and processes can you identify behind the act of praying?<\/li>\n
      2. Which of these do you most connect to when you pray?<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n
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        Around the Shabbat Table<\/strong><\/p>\n

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