Not long ago, I was writing to a friend, sharing my embarrassment about an article I\u2019d published that I thought could have been better \u2013 when I was interrupted by a rare phone call from another friend, who had been touched by that very article and wanted to discuss the topic further.<\/p>\n
Two days later, on Shabbos afternoon, I was walking down the street feeling self-conscious because I\u2019d had to change quickly (after an unfortunate incident involving a potty-training child\u2026 TMI?) and the outfit I threw on wasn\u2019t so Shabbosdik<\/em>. I ran into an acquaintance \u2013 and out of nowhere, out of all the possible topics for chitchat, she commented \u201cYou always look so nice for Shabbos!\u201d<\/p>\n Same thing, twice in two days: Just as I was engrossed in feeling insecure about something, I was complimented about that very thing. There\u2019s got to be some sort of deep lesson here, right?<\/p>\n There are lots of stories out there about a kind word that was just what was needed \u2013 a person who was having a hard day, or a teacher who received a \u201cthank you\u201d from a student years later, maybe on the verge of retirement, maybe just as he or she was wondering whether all those efforts had been \u201cworth it.\u201d On those occasions, we tend to focus on the good done by the one who commented: \u201cSee how valuable it is to take the time to say something nice to someone? You never know when someone is feeling down; always take the opportunity to help others feel good about themselves!\u201d It feels so good to be appreciated, and these encounters inspire us to pay it forward.<\/p>\n That\u2019s all true; in both of my own above experiences, I definitely heard just what I needed to hear, just when I needed to hear it, and I was so grateful. And I hope the experiences will remind me that I should do the same, and offer positive feedback whenever I have some to offer, because one never knows the difference it can make.<\/p>\n But maybe it\u2019s worth considering this sort of anecdote from the other side, too. We might take inspiration as the one with positive words to offer \u2013 and also as the one who might be feeling insecure.<\/p>\n In that light, two points come to mind \u2013 neither of which is particularly reassuring at first glance, but both of which can ultimately be inspiring.<\/p>\n First: we don\u2019t always get that reassurance when we need it. It\u2019s nice when it happens, but realistically, there are so many times in life that we\u2019re unsure of ourselves, insecure, desperately in need of positive feedback \u2013 and we don\u2019t get it. The positive side to the times we don\u2019t get what we need, though, is that those rare occasions when it does happen should remind us that people might be thinking it but are perhaps too embarrassed themselves to\u00a0 say anything. And more importantly, of course: the positive might be true, even if no one happens to be thinking it. If someone thinks I did something valuable when I wasn\u2019t so sure myself \u2013 then other things I\u2019m not sure were valuable might be, too. I can take heart from the knowledge that what I do is bigger than my own perception of it, bigger than my own uncertainties.<\/p>\n Of course, the flip side of that<\/em> \u2013 point #2 \u2013 is that sometimes the gap between our accomplishments and our perception of them goes the other way. Sometimes, no reassurance comes in those moments of insecurity because in fact, it is not deserved. Maybe I really wasn\u2019t dressed l\u2019kavod Shabbos<\/em>; maybe that article really wasn\u2019t so good. And maybe there are times I\u2019m not even feeling insecure, when I actually think I did a great job \u2013 but I\u2019m wrong. I could have done better.<\/p>\n As much as we can be our own worst critics, longing for others to remind us of our strengths and contributions \u2013 we can also be our own best cheerleaders, sometimes when deserved and sometimes when not deserved.<\/p>\n When we feel unnecessarily insecure, it\u2019s hard to accept that we might actually be doing things well. It helps when others tell us, and hopefully the times they do say something can carry us through the times they don\u2019t.<\/p>\n And when we feel overly confident, it\u2019s hard to accept that we might actually not be doing as well as we think, that we have room for improvement \u2013 and people are often too nice to tell us, so we need to tell ourselves.<\/p>\n It\u2019s a fine line to walk: questioning our insecurities and our areas of confidence in just the right measure; reassuring ourselves when we need a boost, and offering ourselves honest self-criticism, appropriate and not overboard, when we need a push. We don\u2019t want to make ourselves so insecure as to become depressed or beat up on ourselves, but neither do we want to be so confident and sure of ourselves that we don\u2019t recognize room for growth.<\/p>\n But most meaningful lines are complicated like that, and the attempt to walk them means we\u2019re living life thoughtfully, not complacently. And fortunately, we have the skills, imbued in us at Creation, to set out on that tightrope.<\/p>\n After weeks spent focused on teshuva <\/em>\u2013 trying to figure out where we need improvement and where we don\u2019t \u2013 we roll up the Torah and start over. \u00a0We return to the beginning, when everything was chaos and mixed up\u00a0but G-d, through both compassion and strict justice (see the third Rashi on Genesis 1:1), made it all good (\u201cand G-d saw that it was good\u201d).<\/p>\n We, too, can take our confusing lives (Was I wrong about that thing? Was I right about the other thing?<\/em> ) and arrange them into goodness, if only we can find the right balance of compassion and strict justice inside and towards ourselves. We can emulate G-d in recreating ourselves because He created us in His image, with untold potential to grow and create. However insecure we might sometimes feel or however much better we could have done in the past, whether others recognize our successes and failures or not, we are His creations and we can start over and make good.<\/p>\n Sarah C. Rudolph is a Jewish educator and freelance writer. She has been sharing her passion for Jewish texts of all kinds for over 15 years, with students of all ages. Sarah\u2019s essays have been published in a variety of internet and print media, including Times of Israel, Kveller,\u00a0Jewish Action<\/a>, The Lehrhaus, TorahMusings, and more. Sarah lives in Cleveland with her husband and four children, but is privileged to learn online with students all over the world through\u00a0www.TorahTutors.org<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0www.WebYeshiva.org<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Not long ago, I was writing to a friend, sharing my embarrassment about an article I\u2019d published that I thought could have been better \u2013 when I was interrupted by a rare phone call from another friend, who had been touched by that very article and wanted to discuss the topic further. Two days later,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133529,"featured_media":60698,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60697","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\n
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