{"id":60418,"date":"2018-08-20T15:31:24","date_gmt":"2018-08-20T20:31:24","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=60418"},"modified":"2018-09-16T07:55:08","modified_gmt":"2018-09-16T12:55:08","slug":"allow-me-some-latitude-for-a-platitude-about-the-attitude-of-gratitude","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/allow-me-some-latitude-for-a-platitude-about-the-attitude-of-gratitude\/","title":{"rendered":"Allow Me Some Latitude for a Platitude About the Attitude of Gratitude"},"content":{"rendered":"

(Continuing the series of articles about what I learned from my recent back surgery.)<\/em><\/p>\n

Starting around April, when I returned from Pesach, I became increasingly dependent on the use of a cane. I started out with an eight-ball cane that I had left over from some Grunkel Stan cosplay (don\u2019t ask). I thought the eight-ball had a little panache but gripping the spherical head was turning my hand into an immobilized claw-like appendage, so I knew I had to upgrade to something a little more ergonomic. (I still eschewed certain practical features, like a cane that would stand on its own, because of personal vanity.)<\/p>\n

I started coming in with the cane only on particularly bad days. Then, I would use it to come and go to work but I\u2019d leave it on my desk while in the office. Soon, it was a constant accessory. As my condition continued to deteriorate, I became more and more hinged at the waist to relieve pressure, so I soon found myself walking around increasingly hunched over. One day after mincha, which I davened gripping the back of a chair, a colleague noted, \u201cThat looks painful.\u201d \u201cThat\u2019s because it is<\/em> painful,\u201d I informed him.<\/p>\n

But there was one thing I heard repeatedly that made me feel like a million bucks. \u201cYou have such a good attitude!\u201d This made me feel a little warm and fuzzy the first time or two I heard it; by the third and fourth time, it was positively therapeutic.<\/p>\n

But really, what is there not<\/em> to feel good about? I had a back injury that caused me pain when I stood or walked but it didn\u2019t hurt me when I sat or lay down. I was thankful for that.<\/p>\n

I have a job that, should my condition keep me from the office, could be performed remotely. I was thankful for that.<\/p>\n

I had been a regular attendee at the gym for years, which I ultimately had to give up. I could have viewed the years invested as a waste of time, money and effort but I honestly believe that, when my condition \u201ccaught up with me\u201d (to use my doctor\u2019s words), it had me in far better shape than I otherwise would have been. I was thankful for that.<\/p>\n

I admit that it made me sad to give up my longstanding gym routine but, since sitting caused no pain, I was still able to play the drums. I was thankful for that.<\/p>\n

I live in an era of such technological advancement that I was able to see a doctor and schedule a surgery that would hopefully cure my condition, or at the very least mitigate my symptoms. And, if that relief proved insufficient, there are additional avenues that could be pursued. I was thankful for that.<\/p>\n

I wasn\u2019t always known for having such a good attitude. In my younger days, I was prone to anxiety, anger, angst and other emotions that start with \u201can.\u201d These negative feelings eat a person up alive. I have mellowed with age and I highly recommend it.<\/p>\n

The mishna in Avos (4:1) famously says, \u201cWho is wealthy? The one who is satisfied with what he has.\u201d One person can have millions in gold and gems but be torn apart because he doesn\u2019t have a uranium mine or a Van Gogh. Another person can live in a tar paper shack and feel truly blessed when he acquires a skinny, poorly-plucked chicken. One is as rich as one feels.<\/p>\n

This isn\u2019t only true when it comes to material possessions. There are two parts to everything in life: an objective situation and one\u2019s reaction to it. A person can have almost everything in the world going for him and be miserable, or he can have next to nothing going for him and be satisfied. The question is, what do we focus upon? If we focus on what God has blessed us with, we will be satisfied. If we focus on what He has decided we don\u2019t need, we will be miserable. Therefore, if I\u2019m going to have a bad back, I can do so with a smile or a frown. Maybe I can\u2019t control my spine but I can control whether I smile or frown. So I chose to have one problem (back pain) instead of two (back pain plus walking around feeling angry about it). Having a good attitude lightens my burden.<\/p>\n

I am not special for feeling this way. I don\u2019t even think I\u2019m particularly good at it. Life is a work in progress and this is something to work on a little each day. But I\u2019ll share with you what literally changed my life in this area: I read the book Gateway to Happiness<\/strong><\/em><\/a> by Rabbi Zelig Pliskin.\u00a0This book is replete with Torah sources. I have recommended it and given it as a gift many times.<\/p>\n

Chapter three of Gateway to Happiness<\/em> is entitled, \u201cHappiness is Dependent on Your Thoughts.\u201d Subheadings in this chapter include, \u201cYou constantly choose whether you will focus on the positive or negative,\u201d \u201cYour attitude is a key factor to your reaction,\u201d \u201cYou have the ability to view an event or situation in many ways\u201d and \u201cYou have the ability to change your negative evaluations to positive ones.\u201d (That\u2019s just chapter three. Other chapters include Realizing One\u2019s Self-Worth, Living in the Present, Worry, Anger, Guilt, Insults and more.)<\/p>\n

I can\u2019t promise that this book will change everyone\u2019s life as it did mine. Even if it does, it probably won\u2019t have that effect instantly upon reading; the reader has to invest effort into implementing the ideas that it contains. But if you\u2019re walking around in a funk and you need an \u201caha moment\u201d that makes you say, \u201cMaybe that\u2019s what I\u2019ve been doing wrong,\u201d something like this is certainly worth a shot.<\/p>\n

If a child pouts because his birthday or Chanukah haul doesn\u2019t include every item on his wish list, you might tell him to grow up (or, more bluntly, not to be a brat). If you go to the amusement park and the log flume is closed, I\u2019d like to think that you would still enjoy the roller coaster and the bumper cars, not letting the rides that are down spoil your day. Similarly, God has given us a big, wonderful world that He wants us to enjoy. He doesn\u2019t give any one person absolutely everything. The question is whether we get so bogged down in what we lack that we can’t enjoy what we have.<\/p>\n

Sadly, some people do get bogged down in this way. As noted, that just creates a second problem: feeling bad. That weighs us down. If this sounds familiar, try conditioning yourself to focus on the positive. You\u2019ll find that, not only does it not add to your burden, it ultimately lightens the load.<\/p>\n

Learn more about gratitude in the NCSY Torah on One Foot
\npamphlet Gam Zu L’Tovah – It’s All Good<\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Rabbi Jack Abramowitz is Torah Content Editor at the Orthodox Union. He is the author of six books, including\u00a0The Tzniyus Book<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0The Taryag Companion<\/a>. His latest work,\u00a0The God Book<\/a>, is available from\u00a0OU Press<\/a>\u00a0as well as on\u00a0Amazon<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

(Continuing the series of articles about what I learned from my recent back surgery.) Starting around April, when I returned from Pesach, I became increasingly dependent on the use of a cane. I started out with an eight-ball cane that I had left over from some Grunkel Stan cosplay (don\u2019t ask). I thought the eight-ball<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":384,"featured_media":60419,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60418","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\nAllow Me Some Latitude for a Platitude About the Attitude of Gratitude | OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I didn\u2019t always have such a good attitude. 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