{"id":60341,"date":"2018-08-01T12:01:50","date_gmt":"2018-08-01T17:01:50","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=60341"},"modified":"2018-09-12T00:26:55","modified_gmt":"2018-09-12T05:26:55","slug":"mr-rogers-reminds-us-what-weve-always-known","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/mr-rogers-reminds-us-what-weve-always-known\/","title":{"rendered":"Mr. Rogers Reminds Us What We\u2019ve Always Known"},"content":{"rendered":"

Mr. Rogers has had a revival. Fred Rogers, the creator and host of the children\u2019s television series \u201cMr. Rogers Neighborhood,\u201d which ran from 1968 to 2001 on public television, is known to be appreciated for his keen understanding of children and his belief in the importance of kindness. This past summer, a documentary titled \u201cWon\u2019t You Be My Neighbor\u201d was released and has audiences, especially Gen Xers, in tears for much of its 94 minutes, not simply out of nostalgia for the man in the zip-up sweater, but out of a newly-found appreciation for Mr. Roger\u2019s sensitivity in guiding children through the ups and downs of life. That somehow, love, acceptance and compassion is really all we need, especially in today\u2019s tumultuous world. <\/span><\/p>\n

When Mr. Rogers says in his deliberate and gentle way, \u201cEveryone longs to be loved. And the greatest thing we can do is let people know that they are loved and capable of loving,\u201d it is not difficult to think about our relationships with loved ones, particularly children, and recognize the truth in his words. \u201cLove is at the root of everything. All learning, all relationships. Love, or the lack of it,\u201d is one of Mr. Roger\u2019s most famous quotes.<\/span><\/p>\n

My son is privileged to have a rebbe<\/i> who lives this philosophy, one which is, of course, rooted in our Torah. Love is at the core of our belief system as Jews, with v\u2019ahavta l\u2019reiecha k\u2019mocha<\/i> and ahavas yisroel<\/i>, amongst others, as fundamental tenets.\u00a0 <\/span>But from the perspective of a parent, I see a teacher loving my child as a very lofty ideal. I don\u2019t really expect my children\u2019s teachers to love<\/i> them. I hope they like them. I hope they appreciate their abilities and enable them to grow. But only the greatest of teachers would have the ability to connect to my child on such a level to love them.<\/span><\/p>\n

It seems, however, that love is an essential requirement of true connection. And love means loving the person that you see in front of you now. \u201cI don\u2019t think anyone can grow unless he\u2019s loved exactly as he is now, appreciated for what he is rather than what he will be,\u201d Mr. Rogers believed.<\/span><\/p>\n

My son\u2019s rebbe<\/i> loves my kid for who he is \u2013 for his personality, his strengths, his challenges, his humanness. He loves my son exactly as he is now, appreciates him for what he is but also <\/i>has a vision of who he can become. The rebbe<\/i>\u2019s greatness is knowing, sensitively and wisely, how to empower my child to take small steps to live up to that. It\u2019s acceptance with a shared vision for an expansive future.<\/span><\/p>\n

No one wants to be made to feel that they aren\u2019t enough. No one wants to feel that they are a project, that they are on someone\u2019s agenda to be changed, molded or improved. True growth can only come from within, on one\u2019s own prerogative. So being loved and appreciated b\u2019asher hu sham<\/i>, for where one is at, is really the only place to start. <\/span><\/p>\n

This understanding is particularly important for those in involved in kiruv<\/i>. I spoke to Eve Levy, the women\u2019s programming coordinator of the Portland Kollel. She told me about her personal transformation in how she viewed her \u201cnot yet frum<\/i>\u201d students. She used to approach her students with the thought foremost on her mind that she<\/i> had what to give them<\/i>. She had the knowledge, she had the understanding, she had the experience \u2013 and they didn\u2019t. It was very much teacher-centered. <\/span><\/p>\n

As she developed friendships with these women, her mindset completely shifted. She realized the worlds of greatness within each woman. She realized how she could learn so much from each of them. <\/span><\/p>\n

No longer was it so clear who was the teacher and who was the student. Her love grew for each woman, as did the connection between them. \u201cNow I try to meet women where they\u2019re at and develop real relationships,\u201d Eve explains. \u201cI really try to see each woman: who is she and what is the special light that she can bring into the world?\u201d\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

In such an environment of mutual respect, acceptance and love, the groundwork for further growth was laid. \u201cThe women that I have really let into my life have indeed taken on much more in mitzvah observance than the others. It\u2019s the women who have become my dear friends, the ones that can come over anytime, even erev <\/i>Shabbos in the middle of complete chaos. They see real frum<\/i> life, the good parts and the more challenging ones.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Rivka Malka Perlman is a transformation coach in Baltimore who has done extensive coaching work with women of all ages and backgrounds.\u00a0 <\/span>\u201c<\/span>There’s nothing you can teach a person that they can’t find in some book,\u201d she explains. \u201cLove is the only key that opens the doors to real and lasting change.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Her understanding of people has helped her get to the essence of what it means to do outreach. \u201c\u2018I love you\u2019 is the bottom line message that opens hearts and ears and minds,\u201d Rivka Malka says. \u201cThe tzaddik<\/i> is one who sees the greatness in each person. This is kiruv<\/i>. It’s not what we teach that has an impact. It’s the lens with which we see people that opens up their hearts and minds.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Rabbi Yakov Horowitz, founder and dean of Yeshiva Darchei Noam in Monsey and director of Agudath Israel\u2019s Project Y.E.S., has become a go-to name for parents who are dealing with children who have not followed the path of their upbringing. At the root of his philosophy is love and acceptance. In a video presentation for parents entitled \u201cBe Happy with Us \u2013 Yom Tov and Your Non-Observant Child,\u201d Rabbi Horowitz shares a personal insight about the Yom Kippur davening<\/i>. We ask Hashem to be happy with us at the same time we are asking Him to have pity on us and forgive our sins. \u201cEvery child deserves to have a parent who is happy with them, no matter what they\u2019ve done,\u201d Rabbi Horowitz explains. \u201cThis is what we ask G-d to do. I want to get closer to you\u2026be happy with me. Don\u2019t look at me as someone who is not worthy of redemption.\u201d Rabbi Horowitz appeals parents to put aside the pain and frustration and try this approach, to find it in their hearts to accept their children as they are and love them for who they are, just as Hashem does for us. \u201cHow wonderful it is for a child to have a parent who accepts them as they are,\u201d he says.<\/span><\/p>\n

I have been reading The Secret Life of Gershon <\/i>Burd by Rabbi Yaakov Astor, which chronicles the short life of a young man who was a master of hidden chessed<\/i>. His unbridled love for other Jews, and his desire to minimize himself in service of Hashem and His Torah, propelled him to do extraordinary behind-the-scenes acts of kindness for anyone and anything. His family, his yeshiva, his neighbors and strangers around the world were the recipients, and they were the ones who did a chessed<\/i> for Gershon by enabling him to help them. In fact, after his death, scores of stories about Gershon\u2019s acts of kindness emerged, from providing birthday balloons for neighborhood children to yeshiva scholarships for potential students \u2013 all in secret. He did all this while quietly devoting himself to deeply personal mussar <\/i>work.<\/span><\/p>\n

Reading about spiritual superstars \u2013 how the highest levels of Torah and avodah<\/i> literally chisels a person\u2019s character to reflect Hashem\u2019s goodness and love — is awe-inspiring. Everything Gershon Burd did was rooted in love: his relationship with others, his connection to Torah, his character refinement. He emulated his Maker in every aspect of his life.<\/span><\/p>\n

Love is the necessary component of all relationships and all learning. And if love has so much power to transform oneself and others, lack of love must be at the root of all damage. <\/span><\/p>\n

The Torah-observant world is filled with people who already know the truth that Mr. Rogers has shared with the world, that \u201ceveryone longs to be loved.\u201d They are our teachers, our children\u2019s teachers, our compassionate leaders, and the individuals who we may never know who bring light into the world through their love for others and for Hashem.<\/span><\/p>\n

If only the rest of the world knew what they did.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Alexandra Fleksher is an educator, a published writer on Jewish contemporary issues, and an active member of her Jewish community in Cleveland, Ohio. You can find her blog and published articles on\u00a0<\/i>www.alexandrafleksher.com<\/i><\/span><\/a>.<\/i><\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Mr. Rogers has had a revival. Fred Rogers, the creator and host of the children\u2019s television series \u201cMr. Rogers Neighborhood,\u201d which ran from 1968 to 2001 on public television, is known to be appreciated for his keen understanding of children and his belief in the importance of kindness. This past summer, a documentary titled \u201cWon\u2019t<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133595,"featured_media":60580,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60341","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\nMr. Rogers Reminds Us What We\u2019ve Always Known | OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"No one wants to feel that they are a project, that they are on someone\u2019s agenda to be changed, molded or improved. 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