{"id":60091,"date":"2018-07-03T17:21:00","date_gmt":"2018-07-03T22:21:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=60091"},"modified":"2018-07-08T04:34:41","modified_gmt":"2018-07-08T09:34:41","slug":"choosing-holiness","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/choosing-holiness\/","title":{"rendered":"Choosing Holiness"},"content":{"rendered":"

Recently, I wrote about<\/strong><\/a> the importance of having a variety of people around from whom to learn. I joked to friends that it was just a cover to allow me to complain about people in my \u201cvillage\u201d teaching my kids things I don\u2019t want them to, but I did also mean it.<\/span><\/p>\n

To prove my sincerity, I\u2019ll offer an example: the Reform student with whom I was privileged to learn over the past year as part of a lay leadership program which required him to spend time learning with a Jewish educator. He\u2019s not part of my children\u2019s village, at least not directly, but he did become part of mine. <\/span><\/p>\n

(It\u2019s always weird referring to adults as my \u201cstudents,\u201d when so often they know so much more than I in every area but the one I happen to teach. Sometimes they\u2019re older than I am, which makes it even weirder. And always, I learn from them in the process \u2013 as in the case I\u2019m about to describe. So who\u2019s the student now?)<\/span><\/p>\n

The first time Jeremy (name used with permission) and I sat down to learn together, he took out a <\/span>kippah<\/span><\/i> and put it on, noting that he likes to wear one while studying or praying. This remark echoed approaches that I had occasionally heard from other members of Jewish denominations where regular <\/span>kippah<\/span><\/i> use may not be so common: that putting on the <\/span>kippah<\/span><\/i> was a way to mark the moment as holy, elevated above the mundane. Setting aside for the moment the specific question of <\/span>kippot <\/span><\/i>and whether or not there is an actual requirement to wear one all the time \u2013 in my (mostly Ashkenazi) circles, it is certainly a norm for men. Against that framework of what I\u2019m used to, I was struck by the comment, as it sounded like he was basically saying \u201cuntil now, there was no holiness in my life; now, I will engage with holiness for an hour; then I will remove it again.\u201d That seemed oddly demarcated to me, implying that Jeremy\u2019s regular life didn\u2019t involve much holiness. <\/span><\/p>\n

As an Orthodox Jew, with <\/span>halacha<\/span><\/i> permeating my life \u2013 if I could put the pursuit of holiness on and take it off at will, when would I ever find a chance to take it off? <\/span><\/p>\n

My perspective (colored heavily, perhaps, by having read <\/span>Halakhic Man<\/span><\/i> when I was 18) tends, rather, toward <\/span>uniting<\/em> the holy and the mundane, bringing holiness into every aspect of life. I mean, certainly, we make <\/span>havdalot<\/span><\/i> (distinctions) between <\/span>kodesh<\/span><\/i> and <\/span>chol<\/span><\/i> all the time (like every Saturday night!), but always with an eye toward bringing more <\/span>kedusha <\/span><\/i>into the <\/span>chol<\/span><\/i>. Living an Orthodox life is, inherently, a constant attempt at holiness; it cannot be stopped and started at will.<\/span><\/p>\n

It would be easy to feel superior because of that, as if this constant attempt automatically translated into success. I didn\u2019t want to feel that way; I generally pride myself on not being a judgmental sort, realizing that delusions of holy grandeur don\u2019t become me. But there\u2019s a fine line between believing in one\u2019s own rightness, and believing others\u2019 perspectives must be lesser. It\u2019s easy to fall into the trap of looking at another\u2019s practice, or lack thereof, and assuming we know all and they have nothing to offer. <\/span><\/p>\n

In my defense, though \u2013 and to his immeasurable credit \u2013 I quickly realized that was way too simplistic. Jeremy\u2019s life, too, is permeated with attention to our holy traditions, and though his practice of Judaism looks different from mine, there are elements to his approach that could teach me a thing or two about my own observance.<\/span><\/p>\n

I remember one conversation we got into about keeping kosher, when I was surprised to discover that Jeremy separates meat and milk. He\u2019ll mix milk with poultry, in accordance with early views that poultry isn\u2019t \u201cmeat\u201d and because, since birds can\u2019t produce milk, there would be no possibility of actually cooking their offspring in their milk \u2013 but weighing against that leniency was his discomfort with using fake meat or fake cheese to create a cheeseburger. (I would never put cheese on a turkey burger, but have zero qualms with cheese on a (recognizable) veggie burger.) I asked if he waits between meat and milk or simply refrains from mixing them, and he shared a bit of his thinking in trying to determine a meaningful length of time to wait and in guiding his children to give the same thought to their meals. <\/span><\/p>\n

Fealty to the halachic system will always come first for me – but I would be lying if I said that conversation about <\/span>kashrut<\/span><\/i> didn\u2019t replace any latent superiority complex with maybe a little jealousy and maybe a little inspiration.<\/span><\/p>\n

How often do we Orthodox Jews, so confident that we\u2019ve got it all right and that we are doing G-d\u2019s will on this earth, think that deeply about what it is that we are doing? We have our separate dishes, and maybe our separate sinks and dishwashers and even ovens, and we pay careful attention to all the minutia. We check off our lists of halachic requirements: we get our clothes checked for <\/span>shaatnez<\/span><\/i> and we light our Shabbos candles and we say the words of our prayers just like our ancestors did for generations. But how often do we pay attention to it? How often do we think about the process and meaning behind whichever number of hours our family waits? As we rejoice in new foods that mimic mixtures of meat and milk, do we give any thought to the meaning of the mitzvah we\u2019re trying to kind of sort of cheat? Do we even think about the underlying concept of an unexplainable divine <\/span>chok<\/span><\/i>, as we determine whether or not to eat that bite? Or are we too busy with the routines and technicalities? <\/span><\/p>\n

A friend once objected, when I said I would be ready soon but \u201chave to daven first\u201d: \u201cYou don\u2019t <\/span>have<\/span><\/i> to daven. You <\/span>choose<\/span><\/i> to daven.\u201d I wanted to argue with her that I don\u2019t view it as a choice, that I understand twice-daily prayer to be my binding obligation even if she doesn\u2019t agree. But maybe I should give the aspect of personal choice more thought \u2013 like Jeremy does. Maybe there is value in learning to relate to each religious act – even if ultimately we do it because we\u2019re obligated – as if it were a deeply meaningful personal choice. <\/span>As if<\/span><\/i> I chose <\/span>each<\/span><\/i> act, not as part of my obligatory routine but because I found it meaningful. <\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cMake His will like your will,\u201d we are told in Avot 2:4. Learn to relate to mitzvos with zeal, as if we were doing them of our own choice \u2013 even though ultimately, we must also \u201cnullify your will in the face of His will,\u201d and fulfill our obligations even if we don\u2019t (yet?) find them meaningful. <\/span><\/p>\n

I\u2019m reminded of a comment my mother once made. She was good friends with a Reform coworker and once pointed out that she had no way of knowing which of them was actually more \u201creligious\u201d: maybe she was better with the Shabbos and the <\/span>kashrus<\/span><\/i>, but maybe her friend did a better job honoring her parents or giving <\/span>tzedaka<\/span><\/i>. <\/span><\/p>\n

It seems obvious, once you think about it.<\/span><\/p>\n

There are things we all do better or worse, things we can all learn from each other.<\/span><\/p>\n

The last text Jeremy and I studied together was part of a passage in Avot 6:5-6 that lists 48 \u201cthings\u201d necessary to acquire Torah. One of them is humility, and Rav Pinchas Kehati explains why that is a necessity: \u201cfor with this, he will not be embarrassed to learn from everybody.\u201d <\/span><\/p>\n

What I learned from Jeremy, though I was supposed to be the teacher, is that it\u2019s easy to be self-righteous about going through the motions. It\u2019s easy to call that \u201choliness\u201d and imagine that you sustain that holiness more, and more consistently, than people who don\u2019t go through as many motions as consistently. But maybe, just maybe, they have motions too. Maybe they do a better job on the quality, on the thoughts and intentions behind the motions they choose to do, and maybe we can stand to learn from their holy example.<\/span><\/p>\n

\n

Sarah C. Rudolph is a Jewish educator and freelance writer. She has been sharing her passion for Jewish texts of all kinds for over 15 years, with students of all ages. Sarah\u2019s essays have been published in a variety of internet and print media, including Times of Israel, Kveller,\u00a0Jewish Action<\/a>, The Lehrhaus, TorahMusings, and more. Sarah lives in Cleveland with her husband and four children, but is privileged to learn online with students all over the world through\u00a0www.TorahTutors.org<\/a>\u00a0and\u00a0www.WebYeshiva.org<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Recently, I wrote about the importance of having a variety of people around from whom to learn. I joked to friends that it was just a cover to allow me to complain about people in my \u201cvillage\u201d teaching my kids things I don\u2019t want them to, but I did also mean it. To prove my<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133529,"featured_media":60092,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-60091","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\nChoosing Holiness - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Maybe there is value in learning to relate to each religious act \u2013 even if ultimately we do it because we\u2019re obligated \u2013 as if it were a deeply meaningful personal choice.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/choosing-holiness\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Choosing Holiness - 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