This is what we davened for?<\/em><\/p>\nIt\u2019s not unusual for mothers to feel the need to talk about this.\u00a0 There\u2019s the human need to unload and, if you\u2019re gifted with the gift of gab and there\u2019s a sympathetic ear, life can be easier.\u00a0 Theoretically.\u00a0 Dads:\u00a0 You need to unload, too.\u00a0 But let\u2019s be honest.\u00a0 More mothers bring children to the pediatrician than fathers.\u00a0 That\u2019s a straightforward, honest statistic.\u00a0 So this one is for mothers.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s some wisdom from fantastic mothers from whom I\u2019ve learned during my 30+ years as a pediatrician.<\/p>\n
First, know it\u2019s perfectly normal to feel a range of emotions, and some of them are downright negative.\u00a0 It\u2019s hard to take care of children when the emotions are brewing and brimming over, cascading like lava that has erupted from a tumultuous volcano and is running at top speed down a mountainside, consuming and destroying all in its path.\u00a0 Think Pompeii.<\/p>\n
One mother suggests the following when she finds herself in these circumstances.\u00a0 Say nothing.\u00a0 Take a deep breath and close your eyes.\u00a0 Visualize yourself on a mountain top.\u00a0 A very high mountain top.\u00a0 You\u2019re looking around and down at the world.\u00a0 The clouds \u2013 meaning your feelings — are passing by.\u00a0 They feel close enough to touch and even embrace.\u00a0 But you just let them float past.\u00a0 Calm and centeredness will return.\u00a0 And then you can return to interacting with your children without being fueled by all the emotion.<\/p>\n
Second, Mommy has to take care of Mommy.\u00a0 Martyrs don\u2019t win awards here.\u00a0 There are concrete steps mothers can take to make sure they\u2019re caring for themselves.\u00a0 Please don\u2019t tell me dejectedly that you\u2019re just another person for whom you have to care.\u00a0 It\u2019s important.<\/p>\n
Think of this analogy.\u00a0 The general in the army leads the troops.\u00a0 If the command falls or experiences low morale, then the troops are jeopardized and may even lose the war.<\/p>\n
Moms \u2013 You are the generals.\u00a0 You are leaders who need to make decisions.\u00a0 And to make decisions, you have to be at your very best.\u00a0 If you\u2019re not in good shape, then how do you expect the others in your family to be?<\/p>\n
Self-care then is not selfish.\u00a0 Every person, mother and father, need to periodically step away and recharge the batteries, so they can come back to their families to play Legos, supervise homework and just plain be there for and with their children.<\/p>\n
By the way, we\u2019d (almost) never miss an appointment for our children.\u00a0 So why wouldn\u2019t we take care of ourselves?<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s get started.<\/p>\n
Among the things that mothers need in order to love and care for their families is adequate rest.\u00a0 Babies wake us up.\u00a0 They\u2019re supposed to.\u00a0 Babies need to eat and pish and poop and be changed and be burped and all those wonderful things.\u00a0 Teenagers can keep us up another way.\u00a0 It\u2019s called worrying.\u00a0 Need to rest during the day?\u00a0 Ask a family member or friend to take your baby for an hour.\u00a0 And you might have to pay someone for an hour so you can rejuvenate.\u00a0 Even a bit.<\/p>\n
How to handle being up because of teenagers?\u00a0 I\u2019m still stymied and I\u2019m on my seventh teenager.<\/p>\n
Mothers also need time alone.\u00a0 It takes time to think and process events and what each person in your life needs.\u00a0 Time alone is like hitting the refresh button on the computer and all is updated.<\/p>\n
Time with friends is a must.\u00a0 There\u2019s no room for martyrs who are so devoted to their children that they lose sight of themselves and their identities.\u00a0 Losing one\u2019s identity is not a good thing.\u00a0 Identity individuates us in this world.\u00a0 Dad can absolutely hold the fort for an hour for Mom to walk with a friend on the boardwalk.\u00a0 Perhaps Mom wants to develop a hobby like needlepoint or playing the piano.\u00a0 Dad is reluctant to cooperate?\u00a0 Call me.\u00a0 I\u2019ll set him straight. I\u2019m not afraid.<\/p>\n
Eating healthy and exercising must be a priority.\u00a0 This is part of self-care.\u00a0 Think of the food and drinks you put into your system as the fuel for your body.\u00a0 There\u2019s no way you\u2019d put regular unleaded gas into a tank that requires diesel fuel.\u00a0 The engine would be ruined.\u00a0 The benefits of healthy eating and regular exercise are borne out psychologically, physiologically, and emotionally.<\/p>\n
Let\u2019s get something straight.\u00a0 There\u2019s nothing wrong with self-care.\u00a0 Absolutely nothing.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also okay to say \u201cNo.\u201d\u00a0 I\u2019m not talking about Vitamin N and saying no to your children which I wrote about months ago; that will be revisited in future blogs.\u00a0 Say no to things that don\u2019t deserve your limited time and attention.\u00a0 Rather, say yes to things that can help you feel better.<\/p>\n
It\u2019s also important that Mom and Dad make time for one another.\u00a0 I\u2019m advocating for the good, old fashioned date night.\u00a0 Dinner.\u00a0 A museum.\u00a0 Walking.\u00a0 Whatever.\u00a0 Spend time together, reconnecting.\u00a0 Use the time to talk about your dreams, aspirations, whatever.\u00a0 Listen to one another without judging.\u00a0 The return on the time invested will set your relationship and marriage far ahead.\u00a0 And that will only benefit the underlings in your home.<\/p>\n
Moms and self-care.\u00a0 Moms and self-nurturing.\u00a0 Moms and recharging.\u00a0 It\u2019s a must.\u00a0 After all, if Momma ain\u2019t happy, then ain\u2019t\u00a0 no one happy.<\/p>\n
As always, daven<\/em>.<\/p>\n
\nDr. Hylton I. Lightman<\/a>\u00a0is a senior statesman among pediatricians, an internationally-recognized authority and diagnostician, a public speaker, expert witness and go-to resource for health issues in the Orthodox Jewish community and beyond. Originally from South Africa, he started his current practice, Total Family Care of the Five Towns and Far Rockaway, PC in 1987. Dr. Lightman is a board-certified pediatrician and fellow of the American Academy of Pediatrics (FAAP). Dr. Lightman is a clinical assistant professor of pediatrics at Hofstra Northwell School of Medicine. In addition, he is actively involved in teaching pediatric and family nurse practitioners through Columbia University, Pace University, Lehmann College, and Molloy College, as well as mentoring physician assistants through Touro College. Read more here<\/strong><\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"Here\u2019s a truism. It\u2019s so darn hard at times to keep your cool as a parent.\u00a0 There\u2019s no surprise here.\u00a0 Our families are not small in numbers of members.\u00a0 Thank G-d.\u00a0 Lots of interesting personalities under one roof.\u00a0 The different stages of development under that same roof.\u00a0 The competing needs.\u00a0 The noise.\u00a0 The bickering.\u00a0 Honestly,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":133543,"featured_media":59590,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-59588","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n
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