Yehoshua ben Perachia would say: Make for yourself a Rav (teacher), and acquire for yourself a colleague, and give all individuals the benefit of the doubt.<\/p>\n
\u05d9\u05d4\u05d5\u05e9\u05e2 \u05d1\u05df \u05e4\u05e8\u05d7\u05d9\u05d4 \u05d0\u05d5\u05de\u05e8: \u05e2\u05e9\u05d4 \u05dc\u05da \u05e8\u05d1 \u05d5\u05e7\u05e0\u05d4 \u05dc\u05da \u05d7\u05d1\u05e8 \u05d5\u05d4\u05d5\u05d9 \u05d3\u05df \u05d0\u05ea \u05db\u05dc \u05d4\u05d0\u05d3\u05dd \u05dc\u05db\u05e3 \u05d6\u05db\u05d5\u05ea<\/p>\n
It is not easy to stay calm in the face of our child\u2019s misbehavior. \u00a0We are often shocked at how angry our children can make us. To help us keep calm we can use the very Jewish principle of \u201cGiving the benefit of the doubt.\u201d<\/p>\n
Giving the benefit of the doubt, helps us remember that children usually don’t misbehave on purpose, or just to bother you, or because they are truly bad. \u00a0It\u2019s often because they are not aware of the rules, (speaking loudly in shul) overwhelmed, tired, hungry or frustrated.<\/p>\n
Giving your child the benefit of the doubt is important because if you assume that your child is basically good, you will find yourself less prone to getting angry and resorting to punishment as a disciplinary tool.<\/p>\n
So now that we are calm and we are giving our kids the benefit of the doubt, what should we do when they still misbehave?<\/p>\n
We can and should admonish our children. However, we want to do it in a way that lets them know that we have faith in their basic goodness.<\/p>\n
We can start of our admonishment by saying, \u201cI know you didn’t mean too\u2026you got glitter all over the carpet.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cYou usually don’t behave in this way\u2026your teacher called about your behavior at school.<\/p>\n
\u201cI know this was probably a one time thing\u2026however the rules of curfew need to be kept.\u201d<\/p>\n
Then we need gently direct them to find ways to make amends. We can say:<\/p>\n
\u201cThe vaccum cleaner should take care of that. While you’re\u00a0doing that, try to think of a few ways to help you remember to do your arts and crafts in the kitchen.”<\/p>\n
\u201cYour teacher was pretty upset. Can you think of anything that would help you be more respectful in class?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI need to know that curfew will be adhered to. Any ideas on how you this can be avoided in the future?\u201d<\/p>\n
This gentle approach helps them think about what they have done wrong, does not push them to defend their actions while letting them know that we believe they are capable of setting things right.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
Yehoshua ben Perachia would say: Make for yourself a Rav (teacher), and acquire for yourself a colleague, and give all individuals the benefit of the doubt. \u05d9\u05d4\u05d5\u05e9\u05e2 \u05d1\u05df \u05e4\u05e8\u05d7\u05d9\u05d4 \u05d0\u05d5\u05de\u05e8: \u05e2\u05e9\u05d4 \u05dc\u05da \u05e8\u05d1 \u05d5\u05e7\u05e0\u05d4 \u05dc\u05da \u05d7\u05d1\u05e8 \u05d5\u05d4\u05d5\u05d9 \u05d3\u05df \u05d0\u05ea \u05db\u05dc \u05d4\u05d0\u05d3\u05dd \u05dc\u05db\u05e3 \u05d6\u05db\u05d5\u05ea It is not easy to stay calm in the face of our<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":55025,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-54938","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n