{"id":54203,"date":"2016-09-21T11:02:26","date_gmt":"2016-09-21T16:02:26","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=54203"},"modified":"2016-09-21T11:02:26","modified_gmt":"2016-09-21T16:02:26","slug":"5-phrases-stop-chutzpah-tracks","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/5-phrases-stop-chutzpah-tracks\/","title":{"rendered":"5 Phrases That Stop Chutzpah In It\u2019s Tracks"},"content":{"rendered":"

Yom Tov is coming up. We might not want to admit it, but it can be a tense time. There is a lot of work to be done and not so much time to do it. <\/span><\/p>\n

Kids might feel neglected, and parents feel overworked. That can set tempers flaring. <\/span><\/p>\n

We often respond to our children\u2019s chutzpah with anger. That makes us feel extra guilty during this time period and it just escalates matter. It is not the way we want to behave right around the Yamim Noraim. <\/span><\/p>\n

So how can we respond when our kids say:<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou\u2019re not the boss of me\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cYou can\u2019t make me!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

\u201cNo way! You’re the meanest Mommy!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

Here are 5 phrases that we can use to help deal with chutzpah calmly and appropriately:<\/span><\/p>\n

1. \u201cExcuse me..\u201d:<\/b> Saying this gently and firmly can let your child know that they have crossed the line in a neutral and non-confrontational way. <\/span><\/p>\n

2. \u201cYou sound upset and angry..\u201d:<\/b> Responding to a child\u2019s back talk with empathy is probably the most effective tactic you can use. It is called a countermove, you don\u2019t respond with anger to anger. Kids feel less threatened and it is a great way to diffuse potential power struggles.<\/span><\/p>\n

3. \u201cLet\u2019s try again\u2026\u201d: <\/b>This is another simple and gentle way to let your child know that they are behaving badly, but that you have faith in them that they can behave better and be more respectful. Using the word, \u201cLet\u2019s\u201d is modeling respect. It shows them that you are on the same team. The underlying message is, \u201cwe can work through this and stay calm together\u2026\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

4. \u201cI know you know how to speak respectfully\u2026\u201d:<\/b> It is a gentle admonishment, you are really saying, \u201cYou are being completely disrespectful and I know you can turn this behavior around.\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n

5. Take a deep exaggerated yoga breath..<\/b> : Taking a deep breath physiologically helps you calm down. It gives you a minute to take stock of the situation and hopefully realize that you don’t need to respond in anger. Because I do this so often, it is a sign for my kids that I am upset and a hint that they should start toeing the line. Sometimes I don’t even need to say anything else.<\/span><\/p>\n

Later, when you are both calm, it is important to very briefly and calmly review the situation and teach them to replace their disrespectful response with an appropriate one. You can simply say, \u201cRemember before when you said that I was the meanest Mommy. That was disrespectful. It is better to say, \u2018Mommy, I am really angry right now!\u2019 I know you will remember that next time!\u201d<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yom Tov is coming up. We might not want to admit it, but it can be a tense time. There is a lot of work to be done and not so much time to do it. Kids might feel neglected, and parents feel overworked. That can set tempers flaring. We often respond to our children\u2019s<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-54203","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n5 Phrases That Stop Chutzpah In It\u2019s Tracks - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/5-phrases-stop-chutzpah-tracks\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"5 Phrases That Stop Chutzpah In It\u2019s Tracks - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Yom Tov is coming up. We might not want to admit it, but it can be a tense time. There is a lot of work to be done and not so much time to do it. Kids might feel neglected, and parents feel overworked. That can set tempers flaring. 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