![\"parenting](\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/parenting-article.jpg\")
Children often do not have the ability to categorize and express their emotions. They don\u2019t have the vocabulary to tell you how they are feeling. They might not be able to say, \u201cI am mad\u201d when they are mad or \u201cI am frustrated\u201d when they are frustrated, due to their lack of vocabulary. Instead they say, \u201cI hate you!\u201d \u201cYou are the worst friend!,\u201d or \u201cShut up!\u201d<\/p>\n
We need to help children tap into the vocabulary that they need in order to help them manage these difficult feelings.<\/p>\n
In her book \u201cThe Curse of the Good Girl,\u201d Rachel Simmons addresses key ways for children to manage their feelings of frustration and anger.<\/p>\n
She explains that we need to teach girls (and also boys) about inside feelings<\/strong> and outside feelings<\/strong>. Even if girls are asked to express their negative feelings, they say they will limit themselves to three emotions; these are usually \u201cangry\u201d \u201cannoyed\u201d or \u201cfrustrated.\u201d Children need to be able to talk about their more sophisticated emotions or where their anger stems from.<\/p>\n Anger is known as a secondary emotion, Simmons notes because we always feel it on the heels of another emotion. We usually feel embarrassed, offended, or disrespected first, then revert to prickly anger to protect our more tender feelings<\/p>\n When a person is upset and you observe them, you usually can physically see their outside feelings <\/strong>of anger, frustration and annoyance. Their face turns red, they sigh heavily and their eyes narrow.<\/p>\n What we don\u2019t see is the persons inside feelings,<\/strong> which are usually, hurt, disappointment, embarrassment, guilt, anxiety and fear. Simmons emphasizes that sharing inside feelings can almost always diffuse conflict, and create feelings of connection.<\/p>\n She quotes, \u201cAs a wise 5th grader once told me, feelings are like mirrors: Give an outside feeling<\/strong>, get an outside feeling<\/strong> reflected back. Give an inside feeling<\/strong>, and maybe you\u2019ll get one in return.\u201d<\/p>\n Simmons goes on to list:<\/p>\n Outside Feelings:<\/strong><\/p>\n Outside Body Language:<\/strong><\/p>\n Inside Feelings: <\/strong><\/p>\n Teaching children to express their inside feelings can help them feel competent, and confident when faced with their difficult emotions.<\/p>\n It is a life skill that is invaluable.<\/p>\n <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" Children often do not have the ability to categorize and express their emotions. They don\u2019t have the vocabulary to tell you how they are feeling. They might not be able to say, \u201cI am mad\u201d when they are mad or \u201cI am frustrated\u201d when they are frustrated, due to their lack of vocabulary. Instead they<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":53375,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-53370","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n\n
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