{"id":53065,"date":"2016-02-10T14:07:28","date_gmt":"2016-02-10T19:07:28","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=53065"},"modified":"2016-02-10T14:07:28","modified_gmt":"2016-02-10T19:07:28","slug":"how-to-parent-instead-of-punish","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/how-to-parent-instead-of-punish\/","title":{"rendered":"How to Parent Instead of Punish"},"content":{"rendered":"

Punishment is a popular method with parents but it is generally ineffective. When we make our kids feel bad for what they have done and we punish them, they don’t usually feel sorry for what they did, nor do they think about how to do better the next time. They usually feel angry, defensive and vengeful. Punishment is known to makes kids lie more and devise sneakier ways to do what they want to do.<\/p>\n

So what can parents do instead?<\/p>\n

Faber and Mazlish in their book, \u201cHow To Talk So Kids Will Listen,\u201d outlines simple skills to help parents stop punishing and start helping their kids behave better without being punitive.<\/p>\n

When you have asked your child for the tenth time to stop jumping on the couch, we usually yell and resort to punishment:<\/p>\n

\u201cIf you don’t get off the couch you won\u2019t get any dessert!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou can forget about going to that birthday party Sunday! You just don’t listen!\u201d<\/p>\n

Instead we want to:<\/p>\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n\n
 <\/td>\n <\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
1. EXPRESS STRONG DISSAPROVAL:<\/td>\nI get frustrated when children jump on the couch<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
2. STATE YOUR EXPECTATIONS:<\/td>\nI expect that children jump on the trampoline or the floor, not the couch<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
3. SHOW THE CHILD HOW TO MAKE AMENDS:<\/td>\nYou can stop jumping on the couch now and let me know what your plans are for the next time you want to jump. You can also let me know how I can help you remember the rules.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
4. OFFER A CHOICE:<\/td>\nWould you like jump on the trampoline or should we turn on the music and dance?<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n
5. LET THE CHILD EXPERIENCE THE CONSEQUENCES OF HIS BEHAVIOR:<\/td>\nWe need to leave the living room now. You need to go play in your room. When you have time we will talk about some ideas that you may have so that the rules can be followed.<\/td>\n<\/tr>\n<\/tbody>\n<\/table>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Punishment is a popular method with parents but it is generally ineffective. When we make our kids feel bad for what they have done and we punish them, they don’t usually feel sorry for what they did, nor do they think about how to do better the next time. They usually feel angry, defensive and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-53065","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nHow to Parent Instead of Punish - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/how-to-parent-instead-of-punish\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"How to Parent Instead of Punish - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Punishment is a popular method with parents but it is generally ineffective. When we make our kids feel bad for what they have done and we punish them, they don’t usually feel sorry for what they did, nor do they think about how to do better the next time. 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CCC-SLP is a certified Speech Pathologist. She received her master's degree from Hunter College in New York in Communication Sciences. She works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children's Bureau facilitating \\\"How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk\\\" workshops as well as workshops based on \u201cSiblings Without Rivalry.\u201d Adina developed TEAM Communication Ventures and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. 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