{"id":40333,"date":"2015-06-24T14:52:30","date_gmt":"2015-06-24T19:52:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=40333"},"modified":"2015-06-25T16:31:52","modified_gmt":"2015-06-25T21:31:52","slug":"the-other-cheek","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/the-other-cheek\/","title":{"rendered":"The Other Cheek"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"iStock_000000086184_Medium\"We are all familiar with the tragic details of the mass murder at the Emanuel African Methodist Episcopal Church last week in Charleston, South Carolina. Dylann Roof murdered nine people at a Bible-study class in what was clearly a racially-motivated attack. Within 48 hours, family members of the victims had expressed forgiveness for their killer.<\/p>\n

I was very disturbed by the news of this shooting, as I would hope that people of all races and faiths would be. Any murder is tragic but racist motivations make the act all the more heinous. Furthermore, as Jews, we should be especially sensitive to attacks in houses of worship, which are meant to be safe havens. And then I was asked to comment \u2013 not on the act itself but on the families\u2019 forgiveness of the perpetrator.<\/p>\n

\u201cI can do it,\u201d I said, \u201cbut you might not like it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhy not?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBecause I don\u2019t agree with it.\u201d<\/p>\n

Let me make this clear: If the families want to forgive the murderer, that\u2019s their prerogative. If they consider this a religious obligation or a tenet of their faith, that\u2019s fine. But I don\u2019t believe it\u2019s one of ours.<\/p>\n

First, the requisite background:<\/p>\n

Did you know that the idea of \u201cturning the other cheek\u201d comes from us? Sure, it\u2019s famous from the New Testament book of Matthew, but it originates in Eicha, the Book of Lamentations. Chapter 3, verse 30 says, \u201cLet him offer his cheek to the one who strikes him; let him be filled with reproach.\u201d The context, however, is not forgiveness. It refers to humbly accepting our punishments while we wait for God\u2019s salvation.<\/p>\n

The Torah is full of forgiveness and many of our commandments require treating our enemies with kindness, but it\u2019s not carte blanche. There are some parameters. For example, Exodus 23:5<\/a><\/u><\/strong> tells us, \u201cIf you see your enemy\u2019s donkey struggling under its load\u2026help him, even many times.\u201d In this mitzvah, the Torah commands us to take the high road, in order to improve ourselves. In fact, the Talmud says that if we have the opportunity to assist either a friend or an enemy with a struggling animal, we must assist the enemy first in order to overcome our natural inclinations (Baba Metzia 32b). From context, however, the \u201cenemy\u201d is an unrepentant sinner, not the murderer of a family member, and the mitzvah is largely so that the animal should not suffer because of our animosity.<\/p>\n

There are two mitzvot in Leviticus 19:18: not to take revenge<\/a><\/u><\/strong> and not to bear a grudge<\/a><\/u><\/strong>. While this may seem straightforward, the context is again very revealing.<\/p>\n

To explain these mitzvot, Rashi cites the Talmud (Yoma 23a). What\u2019s revenge? Joe asks Bob to borrow a hoe and Bob refuses. The next day, Bob asks Joe to borrow an axe. Joe says, \u201cYou wouldn\u2019t lend me your hoe, so I won\u2019t lend you my axe.\u201d What\u2019s a grudge? The same scenario except Joe lends Bob the axe, saying, \u201cSee? I\u2019m a bigger man than you.\u201d<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll note that the classical examples of taking revenge and bearing a grudge involve people who neglected to perform favors, not those who actively harmed us. Contrast this with the case of manslaughter, in which the victim\u2019s family has the right to exact revenge (Numbers, Chapter 35). If (in Biblical times) one could take revenge on a person who killed with criminal negligence, it goes without saying that we don\u2019t have to lend our axes to one who kills with malice aforethought.<\/p>\n

The relatives of the victims in the South Carolina church were likely motivated by the creed of \u201cThe Lord\u2019s Prayer,\u201d versions of which appear in both Matthew and Luke. This prayer includes the phrase, \u201cForgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us.\u201d That\u2019s actually a sentiment with which we agree. Each year, around Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur, we are encouraged to ask forgiveness from those we have wronged and to grant it to those who have wronged us. By doing so, we hope that God will grant us the same kind of mercy and compassion that we have shown to others.<\/p>\n

You\u2019ll note that it\u2019s inherent in the forgiveness process that the guilty party regrets his actions, apologizes, and resolves to act differently in the future. Forgiveness should be granted but it must also be deserved.<\/p>\n

There was another item in this past week\u2019s news, far less tragic than the South Carolina killings. A young man from Chabad put tefillin on Baci Weiler, a student from the University of Chicago whose buzzcut and baggy T-shirt concealed her gender. After photos went viral, Baci was initially hailed as a hero of egalitarianism. Things quickly reversed as she was criticized for allowing this young man to do something that he wouldn\u2019t have done had he possessed the facts. Then Baci did an amazing thing: she apologized. It wasn\u2019t her intention to trick this young man, and it certainly wasn\u2019t her intention to make him an object of derision. (All the articles I have seen only focus on Baci, who posted the photos. I have no idea what kind of reaction this young man faced in his community but we can be sure that he was embarrassed. There were certainly unkind comments online from those who perceived Baci\u2019s actions as a victory over religious \u201cright-wingers.\u201d)<\/p>\n

Normally, when I comment on such minor news stories, I omit the names because I find it unseemly to sling mud. I mention Baci\u2019s name because my intention is to praise her. She goofed. She hurt someone unintentionally. She then did the right thing \u2013 she stepped up and publicly apologized. In the same situation, she will likely decline the tefillin or, at the very least, inform the one offering them that she\u2019s a woman. I hope that the Chabad shaliach will grant forgiveness because a sincere attempt to earn it has been made.<\/p>\n

What Dylann Roof did is so many degrees of magnitude worse that comparing him to Baci is laughable. She accepted tefillin that were offered to her under a mistaken assumption; he killed nine people studying Bible in their own church. She had to work for her forgiveness; should he have it handed to him on a silver platter?<\/p>\n

In Judaism, we belief in teshuvah (repentance). We believe that redemption is possible. We believe that forgiveness should be granted\u2014but it must first be earned. Dylann Roof has done nothing to demonstrate that he is remorseful or repentant; he has only shown himself to be a racist, heartless monster. I admire the families of the victims for their incredible ability to forgive this killer. Where I come from, however, forgiveness is a prize to be hard-earned, not a gift to passively receive.<\/p>\n

Tune-in on Tuesday, June 30 at 9am to the Nachum Segal Network<\/a> to hear Rabbi Jack Abramowitz discuss the above essay on “The OU Presents the Jewish Reaction.”<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

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