{"id":40172,"date":"2015-06-10T12:47:41","date_gmt":"2015-06-10T17:47:41","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=40172"},"modified":"2015-06-10T13:09:04","modified_gmt":"2015-06-10T18:09:04","slug":"sexual-abuse-prevention-choosing-the-right-words","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/sexual-abuse-prevention-choosing-the-right-words\/","title":{"rendered":"Sexual Abuse Prevention: Choosing the Right Words"},"content":{"rendered":"

This article first appeared on the blog for Baltimore Therapy Center<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

There is a difference of opinions out there as to whether it is important to use the proper names for private parts when teaching children about their bodies and discussing sexual abuse issues (i.e., not the latest news story but what they need to know to prevent it).\u00a0 I stand heavily on the side of \u201cYES\u201d and I\u2019ll give you a couple of reasons why that is, starting from the least significant (which is still pretty significant):<\/p>\n

(Note: I am actually deliberately not writing down the names of those parts in this post so as not to get blocked by anyone\u2019s filter. This post is for everyone!)<\/em><\/p>\n

    \n
  1. It is important in order to be able to communicate a problem to someone else.\u00a0 If your child is at school or camp and has to tell someone that his\/her pookie hurts, that does not give an awful lot of information. You might think that, well, s\/he could just point or something right?\u00a0 Well, here is a true story (details changed): Sally went up to her teacher one day and said, \u201cMrs. Smith? Jonny touched my diamonds.\u201d\u00a0 Mrs. Smith, busy with some paperwork, responded, \u201cWell, tell him not to do it again,\u201d and brushed her off.\u00a0 Had Mrs. Smith understood what Sally actually said, the reaction (one would hope) would have been very different.<\/li>\n
  2. Your children will eventually hear the actual names for their parts, probably much earlier than you would like to think.\u00a0 And when they do, if it\u2019s not from you, they will think that you don\u2019t know those names (if they\u2019re younger), or that you don\u2019t want to talk about them (which is true).\u00a0 So they won\u2019t talk to you about them.\u00a0 This is bad.<\/li>\n
  3. They will learn that accurate information comes from their friends\/TV\/the internet\/etc. \u2013 not their parents.\u00a0 This is also bad.<\/li>\n
  4. The message you send if you never use these terms is that \u201cthere are some things we don\u2019t talk about with mom and dad.\u201d\u00a0 That is the worst possible message<\/em> you can give your kids as regards keeping them safe from sexual abuse (and it\u2019s not terribly healthy for any other issues either).\u00a0 You cannot protect your children from the possibility of meeting up with an abuser at some point in their life.\u00a0 But you can <\/em>set yourself up as a resource to turn to if it ever does happen.\u00a0 Children who tell someone soon after an incident of abuse and who receive a loving and supportive response often do very well in terms of the impact the abuse has on them. Children who feel they cannot tell anyone are much, much worse off.\u00a0 it is critically important<\/em> that your kids know they can talk to you about anything.<\/em> This is really the underlying foundation of all sexual abuse education with your kids.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    \"little<\/a>For all these reasons, I think it is absolutely necessary to use the proper names for private parts. Now, don\u2019t misunderstand me \u2013 you can certainly use nicknames and cute euphemisms sometimes<\/em>, and even most of the time<\/em>.\u00a0 But you must also use the correct names at times to show that you know them, use them, and are not uncomfortable about them. (Becoming not uncomfortable about them is a matter for another post.) These times would include when you first introduce them to the concept, when they ask a question about their parts, when you are having a serious discussion about them, and so forth.<\/p>\n

    Regarding the concern some parents have about their kids shouting out the P- or V-word in the middle of a restaurant \u2013 don\u2019t let that sway you. Your children\u2019s long-term safety is probably more important than your embarrassment (right?).\u00a0 Being embarrassed by your children is a rite of passage for parents.\u00a0 It happens to everyone. And the truth is, this won\u2019t happen any more frequently than any other embarrassing thing that happens to all of us parents: in the same way that you convey to Junior that poop is not something we talk about at the dinner table, you can convey to him that these words are to be used in private settings (except in case of emergency).\u00a0 Kids will get it much quicker than you might think.\u00a0 You may have one or two incidents along the way, but that\u2019s pretty much the same thing with poop and Aunt Gertrude\u2019s mustache that nobody is really supposed to mention.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    This article first appeared on the blog for Baltimore Therapy Center. 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