{"id":39448,"date":"2015-04-21T13:08:10","date_gmt":"2015-04-21T18:08:10","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=39448"},"modified":"2015-04-24T11:40:24","modified_gmt":"2015-04-24T16:40:24","slug":"techniques-in-childrearing-1","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/","title":{"rendered":"Techniques in Childrearing #1"},"content":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ll tell you a story.<\/p>\n

This story happened right around an hour ago. And I thought it was a good illustration of one of the principles I routinely teach about parenting, namely, distraction. With young children, distraction is usually the first choice for intervention techniques in high-stress moments. To wit:<\/p>\n

My wife just came out of the kids\u2019 bedroom at 8:15, with the kids still not asleep well past their bedtime. She was exhausted and feeling somewhat ill. She looked at me with exasperation and said, “Our three-year-old is on the verge of another tantrum [she had put on a good 45-minute one earlier in the evening]. She wants juice. If we don\u2019t give her juice, she\u2019s going to have a major tantrum.” This was one of those times where it was sorely tempting to give in to our preschooler\u2019s blackmail. My wife needed to go to sleep; I had a client to see in 15 minutes. A tantrum really did not fit into the schedule. “I\u2019ll handle it,” I said confidently, not having a clue how exactly I was going to do so.<\/p>\n

I strode into the room and sat down in the rocking chair by the bunk bed, the bottom bunk of which was occupied by a whimpering three-year-old girl sucking her thumb. In the seconds it took me to walk from my room to theirs, I was struck with inspiration. “Sweetheart,” I began, “Mommy tells me you want a moose.” No reaction. “I can\u2019t give you a moose. I don\u2019t have a moose. A moose is a big animal. If you want a moose, we\u2019ll have to go to the zoo, or\"moose\"<\/a>\u00a0Canada or something.” She turned her eyeballs ever so slightly in my direction. “So I can\u2019t get you a moose, okay?” She\u2019s definitely looking at me by now. “Do you know what a moose looks like? It\u2019s a big animal, about as big as a cow, except it has antlers-” “like a deer!” piped in the elder child from the above bunk. And then \u2013 the whimperer spoke: “A moose is a big animal?” “Yes,” I responded, “that\u2019s why I can\u2019t get you a moose. Sorry. But you know what? I have a story about a moose. Here, let me tuck you in with your blankie just liiiiike<\/em> this. You see, once I was at camp in a state called Maine, which is at the very top of the United States\u2026” And thus did I transition into another important parenting tool: the Story from Your Childhood. More on this another time.<\/p>\n

The point is, the distraction technique worked as well as I could possibly have expected. It allowed me to deftly sidestep a major power struggle, which really ends with everybody losing, no matter who wins. I had been rather apprehensive, because I really wasn\u2019t expecting such a successful outcome, and I hadn\u2019t yet figured out what I was going to do if she protested, “Not moose, juice<\/em>!” which is really what I had anticipated. I was ready to go on with “You want a goose<\/em>?” followed by “You want a caboose<\/em>?” but I was pretty confident that that was going to lead to a breakdown somewhere in between goose and caboose.<\/p>\n

But the truth is, you really can\u2019t predict kids, can you?<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, lives in Baltimore with his three exuberant children and his loving but tired wife. He is the director of the Baltimore Therapy Center<\/a>, where he enjoys working with couples, parents, families and children.<\/em><\/p>\n

This article was originally published on the Baltimore Therapy Center blog<\/a>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I\u2019ll tell you a story. This story happened right around an hour ago. And I thought it was a good illustration of one of the principles I routinely teach about parenting, namely, distraction. With young children, distraction is usually the first choice for intervention techniques in high-stress moments. To wit: My wife just came out<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":835,"featured_media":39525,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-39448","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nTechniques in Childrearing #1 - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Techniques in Childrearing #1 - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"I\u2019ll tell you a story. This story happened right around an hour ago. And I thought it was a good illustration of one of the principles I routinely teach about parenting, namely, distraction. With young children, distraction is usually the first choice for intervention techniques in high-stress moments. To wit: My wife just came out\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2015-04-21T18:08:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-04-24T16:40:24+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"324\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"180\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Raffi Bilek\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Raffi Bilek\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/\",\"name\":\"Techniques in Childrearing #1 - OU Life\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2015-04-21T18:08:10+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-04-24T16:40:24+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/63d2223805091b83fca53be291ad46ee\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg\",\"width\":324,\"height\":180},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/\",\"name\":\"OU Life\",\"description\":\"Everyday Jewish Living\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/63d2223805091b83fca53be291ad46ee\",\"name\":\"Raffi Bilek\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Raffi-Bilek_avatar-96x96.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Raffi-Bilek_avatar-96x96.png\",\"caption\":\"Raffi Bilek\"},\"description\":\"Rabbi Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, is the director of the Baltimore Therapy Center, where he provides counseling to individuals, couples, and families, and offers workshops on a range of family-related topics. For more information, see http:\/\/www.baltimoretherapycenter.com or http:\/\/www.frumcounselor.com.\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/www.frumcounselor.com\/p\/contact-me.html\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/raffibilek-me\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"Techniques in Childrearing #1 - OU Life","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"Techniques in Childrearing #1 - OU Life","og_description":"I\u2019ll tell you a story. This story happened right around an hour ago. And I thought it was a good illustration of one of the principles I routinely teach about parenting, namely, distraction. With young children, distraction is usually the first choice for intervention techniques in high-stress moments. To wit: My wife just came out","og_url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/","og_site_name":"OU Life","article_published_time":"2015-04-21T18:08:10+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-04-24T16:40:24+00:00","og_image":[{"width":324,"height":180,"url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Raffi Bilek","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Raffi Bilek","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/","name":"Techniques in Childrearing #1 - OU Life","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg","datePublished":"2015-04-21T18:08:10+00:00","dateModified":"2015-04-24T16:40:24+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/63d2223805091b83fca53be291ad46ee"},"inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/techniques-in-childrearing-1\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/mooose_feat.jpg","width":324,"height":180},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/","name":"OU Life","description":"Everyday Jewish Living","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/63d2223805091b83fca53be291ad46ee","name":"Raffi Bilek","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Raffi-Bilek_avatar-96x96.png","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Raffi-Bilek_avatar-96x96.png","caption":"Raffi Bilek"},"description":"Rabbi Raffi Bilek, LCSW-C, is the director of the Baltimore Therapy Center, where he provides counseling to individuals, couples, and families, and offers workshops on a range of family-related topics. For more information, see http:\/\/www.baltimoretherapycenter.com or http:\/\/www.frumcounselor.com.","sameAs":["http:\/\/www.frumcounselor.com\/p\/contact-me.html"],"url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/raffibilek-me\/"}]}},"acf":[],"brizy_media":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39448","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/835"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=39448"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39448\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":39457,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/39448\/revisions\/39457"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/39525"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=39448"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=39448"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=39448"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}