{"id":38782,"date":"2015-01-07T14:56:57","date_gmt":"2015-01-07T19:56:57","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=38782"},"modified":"2015-01-07T15:43:23","modified_gmt":"2015-01-07T20:43:23","slug":"parenting-team","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/parenting-team\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting as a Team"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"parentingtogether\"<\/p>\n

Dear Adina,\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n

I am trying to incorporate some of\u00a0the new parenting skills but my husband undermines me. He is\u00a0not on board at all. I find it very frustrating and I get really irritated with him. What should I do?<\/em><\/p>\n

Thank you so much for your question.<\/p>\n

I get this a lot from Moms. Here are a couple of suggestions:<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t do anything:<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is nothing more annoying to a man than to have his wife criticize or a nag him. I think we all\u00a0have to learn that the hard way. One of the benefits of the skills that I teach is to model respectful\u00a0communication. So your children, and even your husband, can learn the skills by just watching what\u00a0you do.<\/p>\n

Also, if you criticize your husband\u2019s parenting skills in front of your kids, that can be misconstrued as\u00a0disrespect. Kids can pick up on this as well. Unless there is outright physical and verbal abuse, you\u00a0need to support your husband\u2019s decisions and parenting, even if you might not agree with his tactics.\u00a0Kids feel more secure when their parents act as a team.<\/p>\n

2. Have important conversations in private:<\/strong><\/p>\n

If your child is having an issue and you have an idea on how to handle it, speak to your spouse in\u00a0private about the matter. Try not to be pushy and ask for his opinion:<\/p>\n

\u201cI know we have been having this issue with Mikey and not doing his homework. Do you think we\u00a0should try talking to his teacher? Do you think we should help him more with his homework? I heard\u00a0that if we praise him specifically for the work that he does well that can help him. Does that sound\u00a0right to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

It might sound phony, but it is more respectful. I have learned that my husband is really receptive to\u00a0my ideas if I let him have his say, sincerely, without an ulterior motive and agenda. I have also\u00a0discovered that\u00a0we need a guy\u2019s opinion. They love their kids too and have some great ideas on what\u00a0works. We need to just really listen to what they have to say.<\/p>\n

3. If all else fails, talk about yourself:<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you find that you are disagreeing a lot about parenting, you again want to have your discussions\u00a0when you are both calm, in private (as I mentioned above) do not accuse and use \u201cI\u201d statements:\u00a0\u201cWhen roughhousing starts before bedtime I get really angry. Can we talk about this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am kind of frustrated about what happened today. I told Sam that he could not go to Sara\u2019s house.\u00a0He told me that you said he could go. Can we discuss this so we can get on the same page?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not sure if you will agree with me, but I feel that sometimes Mikey\u2019s feelings get hurt when you\u00a0mention that he is not great at sports. Do you sense that too?\u201d<\/p>\n

When you start your conversation with neutral language, and \u201cI\u201d statements, you have a better\u00a0chance of avoiding arguments and coming up with positive solutions on how to work together.<\/p>\n

I hope this helps!<\/p>\n

Good luck!<\/p>\n

Adina<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dear Adina,\u00a0 I am trying to incorporate some of\u00a0the new parenting skills but my husband undermines me. He is\u00a0not on board at all. I find it very frustrating and I get really irritated with him. What should I do? Thank you so much for your question. I get this a lot from Moms. Here are<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":38783,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38782","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nParenting as a Team - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/parenting-team\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Parenting as a Team - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Dear Adina,\u00a0 I am trying to incorporate some of\u00a0the new parenting skills but my husband undermines me. 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