We heard the ambulances. We heard there was a terrorist attack.<\/p>\n
Then we heard it was at our shul down the road.<\/p>\n
We got a phone call from Chaya Levine asking my husband to please look at the shul next door to see if Rav Kalman was there. My husband had davened neitz with him just a short time ago\u2014Rav Kalman gave him a hearty \u201cyashar koach\u201d for his duchening, and went back to learn.<\/p>\n
My husband came home to get Binyomin Dovid ready for the school bus. You see, Tuesday morning is Abba day–Binyomin Dovid looks forward to Tuesday morning all week. Maybe because Abba puts ketchup on the cheese sandwich, or puts more pretzels in the bag than Ima does, or more salt on the salad. Or maybe because he so loves his Abba and their special morning together.<\/p>\n
And because Tuesday is their special day, my husband davens at the neitz minyan next to our house, instead of his regular minyan in Kehillas Bnei Torah. My husband might have gone to his regular minyan anyway. Since he was often the only Kohen, on Tuesdays he would pop in for chazaras HaShatz just to duchen for them. The carnage occurred during chazaras HaShatz. But Hashem had other plans for my husband. A few months ago a member of the shul, a Kohen, became an aveil (a mourner) and he asked my husband if he could be the regular ba’al tefila.<\/p>\n
This Tuesday my husband did not go back to duchen because he knew there would be a Kohen in his minyan. So after neitz at HaGra, he came home from shul.<\/p>\n
But Kalman\u2014where was Kalman?<\/p>\n
My husband went back to HaGra to look for him. But he had left. Kalman had gone to Rav Rubin\u2019s shul to ask the Rav a question. And Kalman did not come home.<\/p>\n
We heard names\u2014we heard rumors\u2014we didn\u2019t want to believe they were true.<\/p>\n
Rav Moshe Twersky, the kind talmid chacham who always made time for those who came to him for guidance and halachic advice, and then taught and learned until late at night. He was the one to whom my husband would turn with questions that came up in the minyan. It was Rav Moshe who said at his son\u2019s aufruf that this minyan was like mishpacha.<\/p>\n
We had lost a family member.<\/p>\n
R\u2019 Aryeh Kupinski. R\u2019Aryeh? No- not R\u2019 Aryeh? Haven\u2019t they suffered enough? When his daughter Chaya died suddenly in her sleep he was mekabel the din with pure deep faith\u2014and went on to be mechazek others. R\u2019 Aryeh was always running to help others; always a smile on his face despite constant challenges. R\u2019 Aryeh was the one who yelled \u201cyou run, I\u2019ll fight\u201d using a chair against a gun and a hatchet to buy time so that others could flee. The ultimate chesed.<\/p>\n
The names to daven:<\/p>\n
Shmuel Yerucham ben Baila.
\nChaim Yechiel ben Malka.
\nEitan ben Sarah.
\nYitzchak ben Chaya.<\/p>\n
All still in need of tremendous rachmei shamayim. Please continue to storm the gates of rachamim on their behalf.<\/p>\n
Avraham Shmuel ben Sheina. Then the rumors turned to agonizing truth. Avraham Shmuel ben Aharon hy\u201dd. Mr Goldberg. That nice warm smiley gentleman who loved Torah and Torah scholars, and every single Jew. Who learned every morning and only then went to work. My husband would set up a shtender for Mr. Goldberg and he in turn would lay out a siddur for Rav Twersky. That was the kind of minyan it was. It can\u2019t be. But it was.<\/p>\n
What about Rav Kalman?<\/p>\n
We still didn\u2019t know for sure \u2013 rumors flying\u2014but Rav Kalman was the most alive person in the world. He was the reason many people came to our shul on Simchas Torah\u2014to see Rav Kalman\u2019s ecstatic dancing with his beloved Torah.<\/p>\n
We should have known if he didn\u2019t come home and didn\u2019t call something was terribly wrong. But we couldn\u2019t believe it could be. And then we heard. The brutal animals shot as they yelled out their vicious war cry. They butchered Rav Kalman as he stood in the hallway absorbed in a sefer; those few seconds gave some of the men in the minyan time to flee out another door. Rav Kalman\u2019s last act of ahavas Yisroel was to save the life of his friends.<\/p>\n
And now– Rav Moshe \u05d4\u05d9”\u05d3, Rav Aryeh \u05d4\u05d9”\u05d3, Rav Avraham \u05d4\u05d9”\u05d3, Rav Kalman \u05d4\u05d9”\u05d3 are in the Beis Medrash shel maalah–with their beloved Torah.<\/p>\n
Between the hope and the tears we spoke. \u201cChaya, do you remember\u2026.\u201d. Binyomin Dovid was a sickly baby with Down Syndrome and a host of medical issues, and I needed chizuk. I made my way to Bnei Brak to see Rebbetzin Kanievsky. I waited outside until it was my turn. I came in to her with a sleeping baby in my arms. Rebbetzin Kanievsky took one look at him and said \u201cyou don\u2019t know what shmira (protection) you have in your home.\u201d<\/p>\n
I thought I understood. Perhaps, I thought, other things would be easier because this would be difficult. But now, almost 13 years later, I understand. Binyomin Dovid was the only reason my husband was not in his minyan that morning. And because he knew my husband wasn\u2019t coming, his post-davening chevrusa\u2014a stalwart regular in that minyan, decided to daven elsewhere that morning. We could not have imagined so many years ago that our son would save his father\u2019s life and the life of his chavrusa.<\/p>\n
The stories abound of those who were saved.<\/p>\n
Rav \u201cE\u201d, an elderly gentleman who takes a cab the half a block each morning, but this morning the cab didn\u2019t come.<\/p>\n
Rabbi \u201cL\u201d was on his way to that minyan and for some reason he cannot explain, found himself turning into a closer shul, and stayed there.<\/p>\n
\u201cA\u201d was up during the night helping his wife who felt unwell, so he decided to daven elsewhere.<\/p>\n
Rabbi \u201cS\u201d smashed a terrorist over the head twice with a chair to try to stop his shooting, and somehow managed to run out unscathed.<\/p>\n
Rav \u201cP\u201d, Reb \u201cB\u201d, Rav \u201cPr\u201d and Rav \u201cF\u201d who somehow ran through the line of fire out the door.<\/p>\n
Rav \u201cS\u201d who was hiding behind the bimah until something told him to get out\u2014and he managed to run through the side door.<\/p>\n
Rav \u201cI\u201d saw one of the terrorists in the kitchen on his way in earlier. He thought he was one of the many who come into the shul to take a free cup of coffee in the morning. Why didn\u2019t he shoot him then? He escaped through a side door when the shooting started in the shul.<\/p>\n
Dr. \u201cH\u201d and Rav \u201cW\u201d who ran out after throwing a table at the terrorists.<\/p>\n
HaRav \u201cB\u201d, who is not a young man, heard the commotion and came downstairs. As he was trying to help one of the victims, he was shot repeatedly by the terrorists, but the guns misfired four times. When they pulled out a knife he ran upstairs. An old man outrunning two young terrorists?<\/p>\n
And those who were not saved.<\/p>\n
Rav Kalman regularly davens shacharis elsewhere and only came to ask a question of a Rav whom he didn\u2019t know was not yet there. Rav Aryeh came perhaps once or twice a month to that minyan. The first chovesh (paramedic) who appeared at the scene always carries a gun, but he left it at home that morning.<\/p>\n
One thing was clear. It appeared random, but it is only random in the eyes of the world. We have to know that it is exacting in the eyes of Hashem, and that while we cannot possibly understand the equation we know it is the Truth.<\/p>\n
To us, it is clear that the world is run with exactitude, and that this brutal butchering of innocent souls had purpose and meaning. We must focus inward, avoiding politics and rage. We must focus our energy inward by asking what each of us can do better than before. That is the Jewish response.<\/p>\n
Wednesday morning my husband davened in his minyan. He set out no shtender, laid out no siddur. R\u2019 Chaim, fighting for his life, was not there to call out \u201ckohanim.\u201d Rav Moshe was not be there today to lein. He will not ask for an aliyah for his grandmother\u2019s yahrtzeit R\u201dH Teves.<\/p>\n
My husband took out his gabbai book and added \u05d4\u05d9\u201d\u05d3 to four names.<\/p>\n
As Rav Rubin said at the levaya, we must strengthen ourselves in emuna. We must internalize the knowledge that nothing is by chance, nothing is without purpose and meaning<\/p>\n
We must strive in some small way to emulate the kedoshim<\/em>\u2014so different on the surface, but so very much the same\u2014each a true lover of Torah and Talmidei chachamim<\/em>, each a true lover of his fellow Jew, each a ba\u2019al chesed, each a man with true simchas hachaim. Each of us must look inward; ask \u201cwhat can I rectify?\u201d Each one of us must make some small yet powerful change.<\/p>\n The family of the kedoshim<\/em> asked those who came to the shiva<\/em> to please take on something for Am Yisrael<\/em>. This is derech HaTorah<\/em>. This will give nechama<\/em> to the widows, the orphans. This will be a z\u2019chus<\/em> for a refuah<\/em> for the injured.<\/p>\n And we can pray that this will be the final chapter in the long and painful history of galus, and this will bring the Geula bimheyra biyameinu.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" We heard the ambulances. We heard there was a terrorist attack. Then we heard it was at our shul down the road. We got a phone call from Chaya Levine asking my husband to please look at the shul next door to see if Rav Kalman was there. My husband had davened neitz with him<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":132912,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-38308","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\n