![\"stubbornchildfi\"](\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/stubbornchildfi.jpg\")
Ever have a child who digs in his heels when he doesn’t want to do what you ask him to do? What about the child who does not give up? The child who is outside in the backyard day after day until he has perfected that curveball?<\/p>\nEver have a child who digs in his heels when he doesn’t want to do what you ask him to do? What about the child who does not give up? The child who is outside in the backyard day after day until he has perfected that curveball?<\/p>\n
You might have what you call a “stubborn” child. However, as you know, we like to use positive labels. So we will call him, “persistent.”<\/p>\n
As we mentioned in our last few posts, our goal in running this series on temperamental traits is to help us connect with our kids on a deeper level. We hope gain an understanding of how our children work, learn what triggers their bad behavior, and help them manage the feelings that overwhelm them. Knowing a child’s temperament can help us engage our children’s cooperation in a way that truly takes their personality, their strengths and weaknesses into account. Instead of finding their tough behavior frustrating we can view their actions in more positive ways.<\/p>\n
We have already talked about the temperamental traits of introversion, extroversion and intensity. This post will highlight the temperamental trait of “Persistence.”<\/p>\n
PERSISTENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n (Sheedy Kurcinka, 2006)<\/p>\n Some children are easily redirected to new activities and will comply readily when you say \u201cno.\u201d Persistent children will refuse to cooperate and persist in doing what they want to do.<\/p>\n Triggers for bad behaviors in persistent children include:<\/strong><\/p>\n \u2022 Direct commands Managing Their Feelings:<\/strong><\/p>\n Give them positive labels of themselves: Children who are committed to task at hand, goal oriented, unwilling to give up, assertive, and love to debate. They will be adults who really stick to things. This is a valuable trait, however it is difficult to work with these children.<\/p>\n To help them understand their feelings we can say: To Engage Cooperation:<\/strong><\/p>\n – Avoid giving direct commands These children challenge their parents almost daily and if parents are to get along with these children then alternatives to punishments need to be found. Persistent children like it when their parents ask their opinion on things:<\/p>\n “What do you think? Should we eat dinner now or in about a half hour?”<\/p>\n “We need to go to 3 stores today. Where should we go first?”<\/p>\n It is also helpful to praise these children for their ability to persist and most importantly for their ability to compromise:<\/p>\n \u201cI was not in my room and you went to the kitchen and the basement to find out where I was.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cYou and Michael both wanted the scissors and you came up with the solution of taking turns.\u201d<\/p>\n Freeing Children from Negative Roles:<\/strong><\/p>\n Persistent children need to be freed from the following negative roles:<\/p>\n Stubborn\/Determined You can let your child overhear you say something nice about them:<\/p>\n Dad to Mom: \u201cI wanted Joanie to play in the sandbox so I could sit for a little while and she wanted to play with the swings. We compromised. She played in the sandbox and then she played on the swings.\u201d<\/p>\n If you, the parent is persistent:<\/p>\n \u2022 Recognize your persistence Stay tuned for our next article on the temperamental trait of “Sensitivity”<\/p>\n References:<\/p>\n Sheedy Kurcinka, M. (2003). Raising Your Spirited Child Workbook. NY. Harper Collins. Ever have a child who digs in his heels when he doesn’t want to do what you ask him to do? What about the child who does not give up? The child who is outside in the backyard day after day until he has perfected that curveball? You might have what you call a “stubborn”<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":37878,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37877","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n
\n\u2022 Being told that they can\u2019t do something they wanted to do
\n\u2022 Inconsistent and unclear limits<\/p>\n
\n\u201cIt\u2019s hard for you to hear \u2018no.\u2019\u201d
\n\u201cWhen you hear \u2018no\u2019 you want to fight back right away.\u201d
\n\u201cYou like to make your own decisions.<\/p>\n
\n– Always give choices: “Do you want the red or blue cup? Are you wearing pants or a skirt today?”
\n– State your feelings and set clear and consistent rules on issues that are important to their safety and cannot be compromised.<\/p>\n
\nImpossible\/Independent
\nFresh\/Justice Seeker<\/p>\n
\n\u2022 Assume responsibility for contributing to escalating the problem
\n\u2022 Give choices
\n\u2022 Remember to use problem-solving techniques.<\/p>\n
\nSheedy Kurcinka, M. (2006). Raising Your Spirited Child. NY. Harper Collins.
\nFaber, A., Mazlish, E. (1999). How To Talk So Kids Will Listen. NY: Harper Collins.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"