{"id":37840,"date":"2014-10-07T07:00:36","date_gmt":"2014-10-07T07:00:36","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=37840"},"modified":"2014-10-07T07:00:36","modified_gmt":"2014-10-07T07:00:36","slug":"cant-harm-cant-help","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/cant-harm-cant-help\/","title":{"rendered":"You Can\u2019t Harm Me, You Can\u2019t Help Me"},"content":{"rendered":"

\u201cDo not take revenge.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

[Vayikra 19:18]<\/p>\n

One day, you ask to borrow my shovel. I refuse. The next day, I say to you, \u201cMay I borrow your hammer?\u201d You respond, \u201cYesterday, when I asked you for a shovel, you wouldn\u2019t help me. I\u2019m going to pay you back in kind. Now that you need something, I won\u2019t help.\u201d This is revenge.<\/em><\/p>\n

[Yoma 23a]<\/p>\n

The Sefer HaChinuch<\/em> (241) explains that the Torah forbids us from taking revenge because everything that happens to us, good or bad, is directed by Hashem. No one can harm us without Hashem\u2019s will. Therefore, when someone causes us pain or suffering, we shouldn\u2019t seek to pay him back. We should recognize that that person isn\u2019t the cause of the damage. It has been directed to us by Hashem.<\/p>\n

The Sefer HaChinuch<\/em> is teaching us that by taking revenge, I am denying Hashem\u2019s involvement in my life. If Hashem runs the world, and everything comes from Him, why should I seek to hurt this man who \u201charmed\u201d me? He is but the messenger. The misfortune was directed to me by my Creator.<\/p>\n

By seeking revenge, I impute power to man. I am acknowledging that he can hurt me. That is a misunderstanding of the way that Hashem runs the world. I need to understand that it is Hashem alone Who controls my fate.<\/p>\n

You can\u2019t harm me<\/strong><\/p>\n

This concept is one of the foundations of bitachon\u2014understanding that Hashem decides what is best for me, and decrees what will befall me. Things don\u2019t just happen. Nothing just occurs. Hashem decrees my fate and nothing can change that. \u201cNo person, animal or other creation can harm me, without Hashem\u2019s approval\u201d (Chovos HaLevovos, Sha\u2019ar HaBitachon 3).<\/p>\n

In simple terms, Hashem is there with me, 24\/7, guiding my life, protecting me\u2014and nothing can touch me, unless it is directed by Hashem. Stormy seas can\u2019t drown me. Hurricanes can\u2019t flood my home. Wild fires can\u2019t burn me. Drunk drivers can\u2019t kill me. Bears can\u2019t maul my children. No harm can befall me, unless it was decreed by Hashem.<\/p>\n

On its most practical level, this means that my fate is not in the hands of man. No human being can alter my state. If I was slated to be wealthy\u2014you can\u2019t take that from me. If I was determined to enjoy honor\u2014you can\u2019t defame me. If I wasn\u2019t supposed to suffer\u2014you can\u2019t cause me pain.<\/p>\n

You may dream and scheme, but Hashem is here protecting me, guiding all outcomes. If I am to suffer, then it will happen regardless of your attempts. If it wasn\u2019t meant to be, nothing you do can change that. Every ounce of pain and suffering is weighed and meted out by Hashem. No one can alter that.<\/p>\n

I walk around in a bubble<\/strong><\/p>\n

A way to relate to this is to imagine that you are surrounded by a plastic bubble. When you walk down the street, you can see out of the bubble, you can hear what\u2019s going on around you, but no one can reach in. They can try to throw a rock at you, but it won\u2019t penetrate. They can try to hit you\u2014it won\u2019t happen. They can\u2019t touch you; you are shielded by the bubble. That bubble is comparable to Hashem. Hashem is protecting you\u201424\/7, 365, all day, every day.<\/p>\n

And, this protection runs across the gamut of life. No one can cause you to lose a customer or a business deal. No one can cause you to be fired. No one can cause you to lose a shidduch. There may be people who wish for your harm, but they are powerless to change what Hashem has decreed.<\/p>\n

This is what the Sefer HaChinuch is teaching us. The only reason I would seek revenge is because you hurt me, you wronged me, you took something from me. If I recognize that Hashem alone determines every outcome, I would never get angry. I might feel disappointment that you have chosen poorly, but anger only comes from the sense that you have done something to me. And that sense is illusionary. Hashem runs this world\u2014not man.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

\u201cDo not take revenge.\u201d [Vayikra 19:18] One day, you ask to borrow my shovel. I refuse. The next day, I say to you, \u201cMay I borrow your hammer?\u201d You respond, \u201cYesterday, when I asked you for a shovel, you wouldn\u2019t help me. I\u2019m going to pay you back in kind. Now that you need something,<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":132836,"featured_media":37852,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37840","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\nYou Can\u2019t Harm Me, You Can\u2019t Help Me - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/cant-harm-cant-help\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"You Can\u2019t Harm Me, You Can\u2019t Help Me - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"\u201cDo not take revenge.\u201d [Vayikra 19:18] One day, you ask to borrow my shovel. 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