![\"backtoschoolfi\"](\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/backtoschoolfi.png\")
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I recently received the following letter:<\/p>\n
My daughter is often complaining about her day in school. She seems to do well academically and has friends. She just seems to take things to heart and does not seem to be able to cope with life. I vacillate between saying, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t worry, you are smart and a good friend\u201d and \u201cYou complain about everything and need to stop. \u201dNothing seems to work. Any ideas on what I can do to help her stop complaining and start coping?<\/p>\n
Thanks for your question.<\/p>\n
Most kids whine and complain about school and it can be frustrating for parents. For some reason, compliments, reassurance, or asking children to stop their behavior does not work. They can\u2019t hear anything when they are upset.<\/p>\n
The only thing that can sometimes break the cycle of complaining is empathy along with questions that guide her to come up with some solutions to her problems.<\/p>\n
So the best thing to do when your daughter does this is to just empathize and gently ask her \u201cWhat can you do?\u201d<\/p>\n
This shows your daughter that you feel for her. Asking her the question \u201cWhat can you do?\u201d not only guides her to think of ways to resolve her issues, it also gives her the message that she is capable of managing her own problems.<\/p>\n
Here is what its sounds like:<\/p>\n
Daughter: \u201cSchool is the worst. It is so stupid.\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom: \u201cSchool can be overwhelming sometimes. You sound frustrated. What can you do?\u201d<\/p>\n
Daughter: \u201cSara did not speak to me the whole time on a trip yesterday. She just ignored me! I am too upset to do my work!\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom: \u201cYou wish Sara was more sensitive to your feelings and would have spent more time with you. What can you do to let her know…\u201d<\/p>\n
There is another very similar technique we can use to help our kids cope with the difficulties they experience at school, Empathize and ask, \u201cWhat will work for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Here is what it sounds like:<\/p>\n
Daughter: My partners are so much better than me. They don\u2019t like it when I am in their group!<\/p>\n
Mom:\u201c \u201cSeems like you are feeling a bit down on your math skills. What do you think will work for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Daughter: \u201cI only get a 75 anyway! What is the point in trying?\u201d<\/p>\n
Mom: \u201cYou sound disappointed with your grade. Sounds like you would like to bring your grade up. What do you think would work for you?\u201d<\/p>\n
There is one more similar technique we can use to help our kids cope with the difficulties they experience at school. We can, Empathize and ask, \u201cIs there a way I can help you?\u201d<\/p>\n
This is what it sounds like:<\/p>\n
Student: \u201cThis is assignment is too hard!\u201d<\/p>\n
Empathetic response: \u201cYou sound frustrated. Is there a way I can help you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Student: \u201cThe kids in the class are smarter than me!\u201d<\/p>\n
Empathetic response: \u201cSounds like you are feeling overwhelmed. Is there a way I can help you?\u201d<\/p>\n
Helping kids cope with empathy and asking them the questions, \u201cWhat can you do?\u201d or \u201c\u201cWhat will work for you?\u201d and \u201cIs there a way I can help you?\u201d is the best way to deal with your child\u2019s complaints about school and any other problem they may have.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
I recently received the following letter: My daughter is often complaining about her day in school. She seems to do well academically and has friends. She just seems to take things to heart and does not seem to be able to cope with life. I vacillate between saying, \u201cYou shouldn\u2019t worry, you are smart and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":37596,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-37595","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\n