{"id":36649,"date":"2014-07-10T15:41:23","date_gmt":"2014-07-10T15:41:23","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=36649"},"modified":"2014-07-10T15:41:23","modified_gmt":"2014-07-10T15:41:23","slug":"parenting-games","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/parenting-games\/","title":{"rendered":"Parenting Games"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"article_crayons\"<\/a>Funny things happen when a group of young parents get together.<\/p>\n

We become like zoo-keepers, overlooking our little creatures from the sidelines, hoping to keep the damage at a minimum, and, if (which is a euphemism for \u201cwhen”) there is damage, hoping it was someone else\u2019s kid rather than our own.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s all fun and games until someone loses an iPad. Or a cookie.<\/p>\n

Different social scripts invariably arise in different social settings. Parent-powwows are no exception to this rule.<\/p>\n

So here I present our catalog of social games, as they manifest in the interesting arena of parenthood…<\/p>\n

THE PARENTING EXPERT<\/strong><\/p>\n

Parenting books should come with a disclaimer:
\n\u201cthis book was not intended to help you teach other parents how to parent.\u201d<\/em><\/p>\n

The self-proclaimed \u201cParenting Expert\u201d incessantly feels the need to enlighten us in the art of all she does right (and all we do wrong). Armed with an artillery of \u201cTen Tricks,\u201d or “Six Steps,\u201d or \u201cFour Forces,\u201d she’s like a walking self-help seminar, decorated with with mottos and slogans to oversimplify the subtleties of child-raising. She starts her sentences with phrases like \u201call of the experts say…\u201d to which we\u2019d love to interject with phrases like \u201cdid we sign up for your little lecture?\u201d (To be fair, I\u2019ve lectured publicly on parenting topics, but I do my best to reserve these thoughts for audiences who actually care, within the boundaries of my professional role. There\u2019s a big difference between solicited and unsolicited advice).<\/p>\n

THE HANDS-OFF LOUNGERS<\/strong><\/p>\n

While the Parenting Expert tries too hard, the Loungers hardly try.<\/p>\n

They pretend like they don\u2019t notice their children demolishing toys, pulling hair, staining carpets, or throwing glass bowls against brick walls. Which leaves the rest of us in the rather awkward position of noticing it for them. But they don\u2019t seem to mind letting us do their dirty work. So long as they can stay comfortably seated and undisturbed by the sounds of shattered glass and shrieking toddlers. They\u2019ll laugh it off innocently, asking \u201cis that our little rascal, again?\u201d But they\u2019re usually the only ones laughing.<\/p>\n

THE “MY CHILD CAN DO NO WRONG” DEFENDER
\n<\/strong>
\nMost parents (myself included) like to see their children in only the most sparkling of lights. It\u2019s hard to see our little angels through objective lenses. But we do the best we can to take responsibility for our children and the mistakes they inevitably make. But some parents seem highly defensive, as though a minor lapse in their child\u2019s conduct equates him with the likes of terrorists and serial killers. Their theme song is \u201cDon\u2019t you dare blame my child!\u201d which is a great way to produce unaccountable, unreliable, irresponsible children \u2014 albeit, well protected by the thick shields of defensiveness. Teachers know this type of parent all too well.<\/p>\n

THE “MY CHILD CAN DO NO RIGHT” APOLOGIZER<\/strong><\/p>\n

On the other end of the spectrum is the parent who blames their child for everything.<\/p>\n

“Oh, your kid bit my kid? It\u2019s my kid\u2019s fault! He\u2019s always convincing other children that he\u2019s edible!\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, the chandelier is covered in maple syrup? It must\u2019ve been my kid!”<\/p>\n

\u201cOh, the fish tank ate your iPhone? I\u2019m sure my kid did it!”<\/p>\n

This innocent child is totally defenseless, and can look forward to recounting these episodes years later on the therapy couch. Until then, his mommy or daddy will absolve all peers of any guilt, as the files of their perpetual prosecution pile up to the roof.<\/p>\n

THE DEVELOPMENTAL TRACKER<\/strong><\/p>\n

Who\u2019s walking first? Who\u2019s talking first? Who\u2019s toilet trained first? Who\u2019s counting to ten in Mandarin first?<\/p>\n

This parent keeps track of it all – especially when her child is sightly ahead in the developmental race. It\u2019s fine and dandy to be proud of your kid, but relax with the scorecard. The kids will all figure out how to talk, and last I checked, most people manage to graduate beyond diapers (for a while, at least). The fact that your child took his first step 17.3 seconds before the neighbors\u2019 kid doesn\u2019t earn you bragging rights like he\u2019s been nominated for a Nobel prize in quantum physics.<\/p>\n

THE PREGNANCY PREDICTOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

Along similar lines is the Pregnancy Predictor who continually calculates who\u2019s due for another child, and continually guesses (often, insultingly so) who\u2019s abiding by this arbitrary schedule. She tends to stare at bellies for longer than appropriate, and asks questions that are equally inappropriate. She does it so casually that it almost sounds normal, but she\u2019s so predictable in her pregnancy predictions that we all know to keep the maternity wardrobe hidden before she broadcasts our privacy to the general public. Beware: she\u2019s watching you. (And the size of your waste.)<\/p>\n

THE PERFECT DAD<\/strong><\/p>\n

He changes every diaper, he pushes every swing, he comes to every siddur play – and he does it all with a permanent smile. Onlooking wives can\u2019t help but feel envy, while onlooking husbands can\u2019t help but feel disgust. Imperfect fathers like myself form a \u201cUnited Dads Against Mr. Perfect\u201d union, as we secretly wonder what type of skeletons he\u2019s got hiding in his closet. There must be some guilt behind that fatherly front; what else would motivate him to be so selfless and loving?<\/p>\n

These are some of the strange games that ensue as young parents gather and chatter. As I\u2019ve said \u2014 most of us play these games to a certain extent. The question is not do we play them, but how willing we are to catch ourselves when we do. There\u2019s nothing wrong with playing a role, so long as we can see it as such.<\/p>\n

Take it from me, I\u2019m an expert.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Funny things happen when a group of young parents get together. We become like zoo-keepers, overlooking our little creatures from the sidelines, hoping to keep the damage at a minimum, and, if (which is a euphemism for \u201cwhen”) there is damage, hoping it was someone else\u2019s kid rather than our own. It\u2019s all fun and<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":132815,"featured_media":36665,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-36649","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nParenting Games - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/parenting-games\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Parenting Games - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Funny things happen when a group of young parents get together. 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