{"id":34994,"date":"2014-02-20T15:35:13","date_gmt":"2014-02-20T15:35:13","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=34994"},"modified":"2014-03-06T16:49:24","modified_gmt":"2014-03-06T16:49:24","slug":"living-lesson-inclusion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/living-lesson-inclusion\/","title":{"rendered":"The Gabbai With Autism: A Living Lesson in Inclusion"},"content":{"rendered":"
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Meet Eli Gorelik, the twenty-three-year-old gabbai whom Tifereth Israel\u2019s 200-member congregation has come to respect and rely upon. He\u2019s likely one of the youngest gabbaim in the world.<\/p>\n

He\u2019s also probably the only one with autism.\"gorelick\"<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

On Shabbat, Eli clears the bimah for Keriat haTorah; he also presents the yad to the ba\u2019al keriah and assists with hagbahah and gelilah. Later in the day, at seudah shelishit, he hands out the bentchers. He prepares the candle and besamim for Havdalah and<\/span>sometimes, on weekdays, serves as the gabbai who stands next to the ba\u2019al korei. \u201cThe shul has become Eli\u2019s home,\u201d says his mother, Jacki.<\/span><\/div>\n

\u201cHe has his routines,\u201d says Yosef Avrahami, another gabbai (there are five in total) at the Passaic, New Jersey shul and a member there for close to four decades.<\/p>\n

Eli developed normally for the first two years of his life; at fourteen\u00a0months, he was walking and talking and freely interacting with those around him. Then things began to change.<\/p>\n

\u201cHe wasn\u2019t interested in other people,\u201d Jacki says. \u201cHe was in his own world.\u201d His preschool teacher reported that during circle time Eli would turn to face outside the circle. Eventually, he was diagnosed with autism.<\/p>\n

Autism is the most common condition in a group of developmental disorders known as the autism spectrum disorders, and is characterized by varying degrees of impairment in sensory processing, speech and language development, social interaction and communication skills. The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention estimates that one out of 160 children in the country currently has autism.<\/p>\n

Typical of children with autism, Eli demonstrated markedly rigid behavior. \u201cIf I didn\u2019t have a bagel and cheese ready for him when he came home from preschool, he\u2019d \u2018lose it,\u2019\u201d says Jacki. \u201cI couldn\u2019t take him anywhere; he would fixate on the movement of the escalator or run back repeatedly to push the elevator buttons so he could watch the doors open and close.\u201d The Goreliks\u2019 other children noticed their brother was different. \u201cIt was tough [for them]; he was doing inappropriate things, like talking to himself, and he had problems communicating with others,\u201d says Rabbi David Gorelik, Eli\u2019s father, a rabbinic coordinator at the Orthodox Union (OU). \u201cOnce my older son asked why Hashem made Eli the way He did,\u201d says Rabbi Gorelik. \u201cI told him: \u2018Hashem wanted us to do chesed for Eli.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

The Goreliks enrolled Eli in a special program for children with developmental disabilities, where his responsiveness improved. \u201cHis world capacity is limited,\u201d says Rabbi Gorelik. \u201cWhereas you and I can talk about things outside of our experience, his interest lies solely in his own world.\u201d<\/p>\n

There\u2019s No Place Like . . . Shul<\/strong>
\nWhen Eli was five, his father began taking him to Tifereth Israel, and shul quickly became the center of his world. \u201cHe loved it,\u201d says Rabbi Gorelik. \u201cHe would sit through the rabbi\u2019s sermon without making a sound.\u201d Eli chose to occupy the chair on the pulpit, next to the rabbi. \u201cEvery time the rabbi finished his sermon, he\u2019d run to shake his hand and say, \u2018yasher koach!\u2019\u201d says Rabbi Gorelik. A shul member expressed his chagrin that \u201ca child with autism [gives] the rabbi a yasher koach, when none of the others at the dais do,\u2019\u201d relates Rabbi Gorelik. \u201cFrom then on, [everyone] began offering the rabbi yasher koach.\u201d<\/p>\n

As a young child, Eli would sit in his seat without participating in the service, his eyes following the rabbi\u2019s every move. Over time, he became more involved. \u201cSuddenly, I heard him saying Shema along with me,\u201d says Rabbi Solomon Weinberger, who served as rabbi of the shul for more than four decades and is currently the rabbi emeritus. \u201cAnd when I stood up for Shemoneh Esrei, he got up and stood next to me and bowed every time I bowed and shuckled [swayed] with me.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eli promptly picked up every word of the Shabbat davening. He even recited Kaddish Derabbanan with Rabbi Weinberger. \u201cI had the only kid in town who was saying Kaddish for his parents while they were still alive,\u201d jokes Eli\u2019s mom. \u201cIt never fazed the rabbi; he has such love for every individual, and Eli grabbed onto it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cHe seemed to gravitate to me and I enjoyed his friendship,\u201d says Rabbi Weinberger. \u201cThe very fact that he was able to [come to] the pulpit and to stand next to the rabbi gave him a sense of importance, a feeling that he is wanted and cherished.\u201d<\/p>\n

When Eli turned eight, his parents informed him that it was time for him to sit with the rest of the congregation. Along with maturity came a sense of responsibility; he slowly began taking on the duties of a gabbai. One Shabbat around ten years ago, Avrahami says, when he approached the bimah, Eli started following him and participating in the preparation for the Torah reading. He\u2019s been doing so ever since.<\/p>\n

Eli\u2019s mother attributes his high level of comfort with davening to Rabbi Weinberger\u2019s magnanimity and the openness of congregants who followed the rabbi\u2019s lead. Harry Fruhman, a former member of Tifereth Israel, made an immediate and meaningful connection with his young shul mate. It didn\u2019t hurt that he was the congregation\u2019s \u201ccandy man.\u201d As Eli started coming to him for some goodies, Fruhman urged him to sit beside him; that ultimately became Eli\u2019s official seat. \u201cI would take his hand and use his finger to point to the places in the siddur to daven,\u201d he says. Eli kept returning, and not always for the candy. \u201cI\u2019d offer him a lollipop,\u201d says Fruhman. \u201cHe\u2019d say \u2018no\u2019 and stick his finger out for me to show him where to daven. At Keriat haTorah, no matter where he was [in the sanctuary], he\u2019d come running to me [so I could move] his finger to the place in the parashah.\u201d<\/p>\n

Over the years, Eli\u2019s role in the shul has expanded\u2014he is now also the official proofreader of the shul calendar. \u201cHe\u2019s always been intrigued by calendars and has the eye to notice inconsistencies,\u201d says his father. \u201cOn [last year\u2019s] Rosh Hashanah schedule, he found a number of mistakes. He pointed out to me that Minchah should have been listed as 7:00 rather than 7:20. He also noticed that the hashkamah minyan wasn\u2019t mentioned.\u201d Now, each month, the shul sends Eli a draft of the calendar to proofread.<\/p>\n

When Eli\u2019s not in Passaic for Shabbat, he\u2019s at a Yachad\/National Jewish Council for Disabilities (NJCD)<\/a> Shabbaton offering his inimitable help. Yachad\/NJCD<\/a> is the OU\u2019s program dedicated to enhancing life for individuals with disabilities. \u201cA lot of details, planning and strategizing go into a Yachad Shabbaton; it is possible to forget something,\u201d says Naftali Herrmann, director of community outreach and engagement at Yachad.\u00a0\u201cThe staff is comforted by the thought that if we forgot anything . . . Eli\u2019ll be the first to realize it and let us know.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c[At the Shabbatonim,] he was always the first one at Shacharit every morning,\u201d says Herrmann. \u201cIf I came to shul late, he would point to his watch to let me know.\u201d<\/p>\n

Fruhman also notes the importance attending services holds for Eli. \u201cOne should never underestimate how meaningful davening is to children with special needs,\u201d he says. \u201cYou might not think they are internalizing\u2014unequivocally, they are.\u201d<\/p>\n

Rabbi Aaron Cohen, the current rabbi of Tifereth Israel, concurs. \u201cWhen Eli gets an aliyah it gives him an [obvious] sense of pride,\u201d he says. \u201cHis very strong connection to Torah and mitzvot makes an impact on the congregants.\u201d And he makes sure Eli is cognizant of it. \u201cIt\u2019s important that the rav has a personal relationship with children with special needs to demonstrate to them that they really matter and that they are an integral part of the shul,\u201d he says. \u201cWhen Eli is away for Shabbos, we\u2019ll let him know we missed him.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201c[Eli] does the maximum to participate and has developed friendships with many congregants,\u201d says Rabbi Cohen. \u201cThis sets the tone in the shul, showing that we care about each person.\u201d<\/p>\n

The community has also benefited from actively reaching out and embracing Eli. \u201cHe has taught us all humility, empathy, patience and [about having] a sense of humor,\u201d says Jacki. \u201cA child with special needs shows you what\u2019s important, and what is not; he shows you how to extend yourself in order to understand and appreciate the value and blessing of every human being.\u201d<\/p>\n

When it comes to integrating individuals with special needs, Tifereth Israel\u2019s congregation is a true model. \u201cThey\u2019ve known Eli now for [more than] thirteen years,\u201d says Jacki. \u201cIt\u2019s rewarding to see how he\u2019s developed and to watch him running out of the house and down the street to get to shul.\u201d<\/p>\n

Eli makes a point to leave home extra early, eager to take his rightful place in the congregation. For that, his family feels immeasurable hakarat hatov. \u201cI thank my fellow congregants and both rabbis for having been so good to him; they\u2019ve accepted him and treat him like anybody else. They look at him as another shul member.\u201d<\/p>\n