{"id":33871,"date":"2013-10-23T19:09:20","date_gmt":"2013-10-23T19:09:20","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=33871"},"modified":"2013-10-23T19:09:20","modified_gmt":"2013-10-23T19:09:20","slug":"finding-common-ground-spouse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/finding-common-ground-spouse\/","title":{"rendered":"Finding Common Ground With Your Spouse"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"Good,<\/a>In Parshat Chayei Sara, we are privy to the first story about\u00a0matchmaking, Eliezer travels to Aram Naharaim to finds Yitzchok\u00a0a wife. Rivka meets Eliezer at the well and impresses him with her\u00a0act of tremendous Chesed in giving water to him and all his camels.\u00a0Yitzchok and Rivka are obviously a match made in heaven however\u00a0they do differ in their parenting methods.\u00a0It is not so different for in our marriages, many times our husbands\u00a0don’t see I eye to eye on how to parent. Many mothers take my\u00a0classes and they try to start implementing the new skills that they are\u00a0learning but do not get much cooperation from their husbands.\u00a0Here are a couple of suggestions for what to do when your husband is\u00a0not on board:<\/p>\n

1. Don\u2019t do anything:<\/strong><\/p>\n

There is nothing more annoying to a man than to have his wife\u00a0criticize or a nag him. I think we all have to learn that the hard\u00a0way. One of the benefits of the skills that I teach is that they model\u00a0respectful communication. So your children and even your husband\u00a0can learn the skills by just watching what you do.\u00a0Also, if you criticize your husband\u2019s parenting skills in front of your\u00a0kids, that can be misconstrued as disrespect. Kids can pick up on this\u00a0as well. Unless there is outright physical and verbal abuse, you need\u00a0to support your husband\u2019s decisions and parenting, even if you might\u00a0not agree with his tactics. Kids feel more secure when their parents\u00a0act as a team.<\/p>\n

2. Have important conversations in private:<\/strong><\/p>\n

If your child is having an issue and you have an idea on how to handle\u00a0it, speak to your spouse in private about the matter. Try not to be\u00a0pushy and ask for his opinion:<\/p>\n

\u201cI know we have been having this issue with Eli and not doing his\u00a0homework. Do you think we should try talking to his teacher? Do you\u00a0think we should help him more with his homework? I heard that if\u00a0we praise him specifically for the work that he does well that can help\u00a0him. Does that sound right to you?\u201d<\/p>\n

It might sound phony, but it is more respectful. I have learned\u00a0that my husband is really receptive to my ideas if I let him have his\u00a0say, sincerely without an ulterior motive and agenda. I have also\u00a0discovered that we need a guy\u2019s opinion. They love their kids too and\u00a0have some great ideas on what works. We need to just really listen to\u00a0what they have to say.<\/p>\n

3. If all else fails, talk about yourself:<\/strong><\/p>\n

If you find that you are disagreeing a lot about parenting, you again\u00a0want to have your discussions when you are both calm, in private (as I\u00a0mentioned above) do not accuse and use \u201cI\u201d statements:<\/p>\n

\u201cWhen roughhousing starts before bedtime I get really annoyed. Can\u00a0we talk about this?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am kind of frustrated about what happened today. I told Sam that\u00a0he could not go to Sara\u2019s house. He told me that you said he could go.\u00a0Can we discuss this so we can get on the same page?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI am not sure if you will agree with me, but I feel that sometimes\u00a0Mikey\u2019s feelings get hurt when you mention that he is not great at\u00a0sports. Do you sense that too?\u201d<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

When you start your conversation with neutral language, and \u201cI\u201d\u00a0statements, you have a better chance of avoiding arguments and\u00a0coming up with positive solutions on how to work together.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Adina Soclof is the Director of Parent Outreach for A+ Solutions, facilitating “How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk” workshops as well as workshops based on \u201cSiblings Without Rivalry.\u201d Adina also runs\u00a0ParentingSimply.com<\/a>\u00a0and is available for speaking engagements. You can reach her and check out her website at www.parentingsimply.com<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Yitzchok and Rivka are obviously a match made in heaven however they do differ in their parenting methods. It is not so different for in our marriages, many times our husbands don’t see I eye to eye on how to parent. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":33910,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[19,5,17],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33871","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-marriage","category-parenting","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"\nFinding Common Ground With Your Spouse - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/finding-common-ground-spouse\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Finding Common Ground With Your Spouse - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Yitzchok and Rivka are obviously a match made in heaven however they do differ in their parenting methods. 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