{"id":33495,"date":"2013-09-10T16:34:44","date_gmt":"2013-09-10T16:34:44","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=33495"},"modified":"2013-10-07T16:10:00","modified_gmt":"2013-10-07T16:10:00","slug":"getting-kids-help-holidays","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/","title":{"rendered":"Complimenting Your Kids on a Job Well Done"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"kid<\/a>As we finished Rosh Hashana and are moving on to Yom Kippur and Succot, we need our kids help more than ever.\u00a0 It feels as if I have been cooking and cleaning around the clock. Thank Goodness my husband and my kids build and decorate the Sukkah. That is one thing that I don\u2019t have to worry about.<\/p>\n

In many of my articles that I have posted here, I have spoken about how to engage our kid\u2019s cooperation, help them to listen and do their chores.<\/p>\n

So, once our kids are peeling potatoes, vacuuming, and cleaning their rooms, is there anything else that we need to do? I think so. Kids and adults work best when their hard work is appreciated. We should try to encourage our kids. One way to do that is to praise them. However, we don\u2019t want to evaluate their work by saying\u00a0 \u201cgood job\u201d and leave it at that.<\/p>\n

Praising evaluatively, by using pat phrases<\/p>\n

\u201cNice work,\u201d<\/strong>
\n \u201cGood boy,\u201d<\/strong>
\nand,
\n\u201cYou are the best helper\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

are actually bad for kids (and not great for adults either).\u00a0This type of encouragement is hard for people, especially children, to hear. It does not make kids feel good about themselves when they help. It creates pressure and is counterproductive. They might think, \u201cDid I really do a good job or is she just saying that?\u201d and \u201cI am a good boy today, but yesterday she said I was a bad boy- am I really good?\u201d<\/p>\n

The best encouragement is when we praise our kids descriptively. That means that when our child acts in positive ways, in this case was helpful, we describe what we see or how we felt.<\/p>\n

For example:<\/p>\n

\u201cI really appreciate your help. I asked you to peel potatoes and put them in a bowl of cold water. Now they are all ready so I can make a potato kugel. That saved me a lot of time.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cThanks so much for vacuuming the living room. The room looks fresh and clean. It is all ready for Yom Tov.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u201cI appreciate that you played with the baby while I was cooking. I was able to concentrate and cook the roast, meatballs, and kugel. That was very helpful.\u201d<\/strong><\/p>\n

It seems like it takes a lot of effort and a lot of words to praise descriptively. Most parents would rather bypass this type of praise. Jenny Krainess, of the Nurtured Heart Approach, feels that we expend so much energy and words on telling our kids about all the \u201cbad\u201d things they do, we should at least spend the same amount of time on encouraging them and letting them know about all the good they do.<\/p>\n

Better yet, forget about the times that they misbehave and just focus on their positive acts. If we are able to do that then we will have less misbehavior and more positive behavior overall.<\/p>\n

Adina Soclof<\/strong>, MS. CCC-SLP,\u00a0works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children\u2019s Bureau facilitating\u00a0<\/em>How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk\u00a0workshops as well as workshops based on\u00a0<\/em>Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina also runs\u00a0parentingsimply.com<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

How to effectively let your kids know that they are doing a great job.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":33498,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-33495","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nComplimenting Your Kids on a Job Well Done - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Complimenting Your Kids on a Job Well Done - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"How to effectively let your kids know that they are doing a great job.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-09-10T16:34:44+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2013-10-07T16:10:00+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008120603XSmall.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"424\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"283\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Adina Soclof\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Adina Soclof\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/\",\"name\":\"Complimenting Your Kids on a Job Well Done - OU Life\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008120603XSmall.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2013-09-10T16:34:44+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2013-10-07T16:10:00+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/e1d662e1b99b4cb9d5268c1a8111a03a\"},\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/getting-kids-help-holidays\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008120603XSmall.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008120603XSmall.jpg\",\"width\":424,\"height\":283},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/\",\"name\":\"OU Life\",\"description\":\"Everyday Jewish Living\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/e1d662e1b99b4cb9d5268c1a8111a03a\",\"name\":\"Adina Soclof\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Adina-Soclof_avatar-96x96.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Adina-Soclof_avatar-96x96.png\",\"caption\":\"Adina Soclof\"},\"description\":\"Adina Soclof, MS. 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