According to Jewish tradition, the summer months of Tammuz and Av are filled with strife for the Jewish people. It is the time when we had the story of the spies talking Lashon Hara about Eretz Yisroel,\u00a0\u00a0Korach\u2019s rebellion and later on the Churban Bayit Rishon and Sheini.<\/p>\n
Why our ancestors failed is less important than how our ancestors failed. We can use these stories as a teaching moment for ourselves about how important it is to run our families efficiently while trying to maintain a stress-free environment. A stress-free environment is the first step in guaranteeing\u00a0shalom bayit, peace in the house.<\/p>\n
Here are some simple ways to keep our family lives more peaceful:<\/p>\n
1. Cut yourself some slack:<\/b><\/p>\n
Low states and feeling blue are an annoying but intrinsic part of life. When we are feeling \u201cblah\u201d or we see others acting poorly we tend to blow things out of proportion. We can become critical of ourselves and of our family members.\u00a0The best way to manage our bad moods and the bad moods of others is to accept them at face value and acknowledge them without any judgments:<\/p>\n
Criticizing:<\/b>\u00a0\u201cWhy do I always get so upset about everything? I am such a party pooper.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cWhy is she always whining about everything? She is so spoiled.\u201d<\/p>\n
Accept the low state and be kind to yourself and others:<\/b>\u00a0\u201cSeems like I am having a rough day, I am in a low state, nothing to worry about, I will come around soon enough.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cShe is having a rough day today. She usually does not act like this. Once she pulls herself together she will get back to her cheery self.\u201d<\/p>\n
2. Be kind to others:<\/b><\/p>\n
Bad moods can also taint our perceptions of\u00a0our kids and spouses. Behavior that was considered normal one day may seem contentious and irksome when one is feeling down. Resentment can fester and the blame game starts. If we recognize that\u00a0our\u00a0bad mood is the cause of the negativity we can avoid conflict:<\/p>\n
Blaming others:<\/b>\u00a0\u201cWhy do you kids have to complain about everything? You are so annoying and rude!\u201d<\/p>\n
Recognizing the low state:<\/b>\u00a0\u201cI must be in a really bad mood, everything they do or say is bothering me. Even the things that they do regularly that I usually don\u2019t notice.\u201d<\/p>\n
3. Don\u2019t do anything:<\/b><\/p>\n
Many health professionals recommend postponing any important decisions until good humor is restored. Discussions of a serious nature should be avoided as well, until everyone is feeling happy. It is fair for family members to say to one another:<\/p>\n
\u201cI am feeling overwhelmed right now. I need to let you know later if I can chaperone for your school trip.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cI am not in the best of moods, can we have this discussion another time?\u201d<\/p>\n
4. Take a breather:<\/b><\/p>\n
When emotions are running high it is the time for everyone to take a break from each other.\u00a0 When members of your family are not getting along, gently encourage them to find a quiet place to recharge. Parents can do this by role modeling:<\/p>\n
\u201cBoy, I am in a bad mood. I need a couple of minutes of quiet to pull myself out of this funk. I\u2019ll be in my room if you need me.\u201d<\/p>\n
Family life is not always easy and can be full of strife. But there are ways to keep us far from machloket even during these tough summer months.<\/p>\n