{"id":31736,"date":"2013-04-11T20:13:26","date_gmt":"2013-04-11T20:13:26","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=31736"},"modified":"2013-04-14T17:08:43","modified_gmt":"2013-04-14T17:08:43","slug":"conversion","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/conversion\/","title":{"rendered":"The Conversion"},"content":{"rendered":"

Shavuot is the ultimate holiday of transformation, exemplified by Ruth, who radically transformed herself from a Moabite to a Jew. The following exchange offers a glimpse of one couple’s transformation from assimilation and intermarriage to becoming an Orthodox Jewish family living in Efrat, Israel, the place where Ruth found her home among the Jewish people.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Harold,<\/p>\n

It\u2019s Sunday morning. Growing up, Sunday morning meant going to\u00a0church with my parents. When we met, Sunday morning meant getting through\u00a0the music for three services at a mega-church. Even not so long ago, Sunday\u00a0morning meant conducting the church choir and playing organ in Walpole.<\/p>\n

This is not one of those Sunday mornings. I\u2019m nervous as we get\u00a0into the car together, distracting myself by asking if you took along the new\u00a0transformer action figure for Micah and the doll for Ilana. I know they\u2019ll\u00a0like them. Sometimes bribery can be more effective with children than the\u00a0most well-reasoned explanations.<\/p>\n

As we pull into the mikveh<\/i> (ritual bathhouse) parking lot, panic overtakes me. Not for\u00a0what\u2019s about to happen, but because we might be spotted. Everyone drives by\u00a0here. They\u2019ll see our car. They\u2019ll wonder why, since women make their monthly\u00a0trip to the mikveh<\/i> at night, our car is sitting here on a Sunday morning.<\/p>\n

Deep breath. I can\u2019t worry about any of that now.<\/p>\n

As you take Micah and Ilana to another room, Tova, the community\u2019s rebbetzin<\/i>, flashes me her\u00a0warm smile and embraces me. I realize how much Tova has been an anchor\u00a0for me. Ever since I began studying with Rabbi Hyman, I always knew I\u00a0could call Tova about anything, ask her questions about anything, confide in\u00a0her about anything. As important as Rabbi Hyman has been, I now see how\u00a0much responsibility for the community sits on the shoulders of the rabbi\u2019s wife.<\/p>\n

Tova and I are together as I pace the floor, awaiting the grilling by\u00a0the Beit Din. Finally, the door opens a crack and they ask me to come in.<\/p>\n

I quickly realize my nervousness was unnecessary. This Beit Din is\u00a0every bit as thorough as the Beis Din I encountered in Boston, but the similarities end there. So many questions,\u00a0so much discussion \u2013 but all with a sense of warmth and compassion.<\/p>\n

I honestly cannot remember much of what transpired. My hour with\u00a0them remains a jumbled blur in my mind. All that stands out now is Rabbi\u00a0Weisfogel\u2019s smile and one question he asked me about my singing as an Orthodox\u00a0Jew, given some of the issues.<\/p>\n

Rabbi Weisfogel was born in Ireland, and before World War II\u00a0studied in the famed Mir Yeshiva in Poland, probably the greatest yeshiva\u00a0in the world at that time. He escaped Poland just ahead of the Nazis and\u00a0sought refuge in Shanghai for much of the war.<\/p>\n

The rabbis ask me to step out of the room for the longest ten minutes\u00a0of my life. When they invite me back, I hear their hearty \u201cMazel Tov\u201d\u00a0through a fog, followed by their request that I get ready for the mikveh\u00a0<\/i>down the hall.<\/p>\n

All this preparation \u2013 it\u2019s taken years. And now it comes down to this.\u00a0I descend each step of the mikveh<\/i>, feeling the water touch my feet and begin\u00a0to envelop me as I continue down. My eyes take in the white and blue tiles on\u00a0every side, and I feel the warmth and comfort of this moment surround me.<\/p>\n

My feet settle on the floor beyond the last step, three-quarters of me\u00a0cocooned in the water. I prepare to immerse, conscious that all of me, down\u00a0to the very last hair, must be covered by the water.<\/p>\n

\"iStock_000021136711Small\"<\/a>There is only the water \u2013 for a brief moment, it is as if nothing else\u00a0exists. Then I come up, my face hitting the air, jarring me back into the\u00a0world. I begin to say the blessing for immersing, and when I start to fumble,\u00a0Tova helps me through it. Then, down into the water two more times.\u00a0Tova\u2019s job is to make sure I immerse fully. She smiles and yells to the rabbis\u00a0in the next room, \u201cIt\u2019s good!\u201d<\/p>\n

And then I say the Shehechiyanu<\/i> blessing:<\/p>\n

Blessed are You, Lord our God, King of the Universe, Who\u00a0has given us life, has sustained us, and has brought us to this time.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n

I woke up this morning simply as Gayle Berman. I\u2019ve now ascended\u00a0from the waters of the mikveh<\/i> reborn as Avigail Shira bat Avraham. Avigail\u00a0connects to Gayle. I chose Shira as my second name because it means\u00a0\u201csong.\u201d And \u201cbat Avraham \u201c \u2013 daughter of Abraham, the appellation given\u00a0to all converts because we trace our spiritual lineage directly back to Abraham,\u00a0the first Jew.<\/p>\n

But I don\u2019t think I feel different. I realize now that I already felt Jewish\u00a0on the inside. The mikveh<\/i> was a confirmation of what I\u2019ve already become.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Gayle<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Dear Gayle,<\/p>\n

A part of me says this must be a dream. I grew up in a Reform\u00a0temple. When I met you, I could barely struggle through the\u00a0Hebrew alphabet, never mind having a clue about what was inside the Hebrew Bible. I went to services on Rosh Hashanah and Yom\u00a0Kippur and craved lobster the rest of the year. When I met you,\u00a0you were Minister of Music in a church many times the size of the\u00a0Monroe Temple, working for a pastor who has since gone on to advise\u00a0churches around the country how to become mega-churches.\u00a0We were married by a Justice of the Peace. We said we wouldn\u2019t\u00a0have children.<\/p>\n

It\u2019s no dream. I couldn\u2019t have begun to dream up any of this\u00a0when we were married 16 years ago, not even in the wildest\u00a0recesses of my imagination.<\/p>\n

How to understand by what turns of fate it came about that\u00a0you are an observant Jew, I am an observant Jew, and we are an observant\u00a0Jewish family. We could just as easily have remained childless.\u00a0We could just as easily have been sitting together this morning\u00a0in a Texas mega-church. We could just as easily have a yours-mine-ours\u00a0situation with church, synagogue, Christmas trees and menorahs\u00a0wrapped into one not-so-tidy package. We could just as easily\u00a0have walked away from all religion, touting the ersatz freedom of a life with no strings attached.<\/p>\n

But today, it is those possibilities that seem unimaginable.\u00a0Today, destiny is shouting \u201cobservant Jewish family\u201d and nothing\u00a0else.<\/p>\n

But now is not the time to reflect \u2013 a big part of the day still\u00a0beckons. We did manage those two more dunks in the mikveh<\/i> \u2013\u00a0you with Ilana and me with Micah \u2013 and now we can say everyone\u00a0in the family is officially Jewish. That transformer action figure\u00a0and the doll gave them a very positive outlook on the whole thing.<\/p>\n

But I can\u2019t wait until 6:00 this evening. For at that moment,\u00a0there will be no more double life \u2013 just an Orthodox Jewish family\u00a0on the inside, on the outside, to everyone. I like the idea that we\u00a0now need to get married in a Jewish ceremony \u2013 it affirms this long\u00a0trip we\u2019ve taken together.<\/p>\n

I wish we could get married in Springfield, with all our\u00a0friends cheering us on. But I can\u2019t imagine telling everyone that,\u00a0well, actually, we haven\u2019t exactly been a Jewish family, but now we\u00a0are, and would they please come to the wedding. Some secrets are\u00a0best left alone \u2013 at least for now.<\/p>\n

So we\u2019ll get married in front of perfect strangers in Newton.\u00a0It could be worse.<\/p>\n

\"Harold<\/a>In the meantime, the rest of the day has turned out a bit\u00a0lighter than its profound beginnings. It would have been nice if\u00a0someone had reminded us before last night that you need a veil and\u00a0that we need a plain wedding band for the ceremony, unlike what\u00a0we bought when we got married the first time.<\/p>\n

But had we known earlier and had more time to shop, we\u00a0wouldn\u2019t have experienced what it\u2019s like to buy a wedding band in\u00a0the Walmart jewelry department. Nor would we have been so resourceful\u00a0as to search for a veil among the racks of Halloween costumes\u00a0at Marshall\u2019s. If anyone should comment on the ring or veil,\u00a0I think I\u2019ll just say they\u2019re family heirlooms.<\/p>\n

Ok \u2013 until 6:00. Sixteen years ago, I was blessed to marry a\u00a0wonderful woman named Gayle. Today, I am blessed to marry Avigail\u00a0Shira bat Avraham.<\/p>\n

Love,<\/p>\n

Harold<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

We’re counting down to\u00a0ma’amad har Sinai<\/em> (the historic revelation). Will you re-accept the Torah this Shavuot? Will you be born again?<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong><\/p>\n

\"DoubleLife-Cover\"<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n

This has been excerpted with edits from\u00a0<\/em>Doublelife: One Family, Two Faiths and a Journey of Hope<\/a>,\u00a0an inspiring story of the Jewish tradition’s capacity to move souls\u00a0and to change lives.\u00a0Gayle was the Minister of Music in a Texas mega-church and Harold was a secular Jew from New York. <\/em>Doublelife is\u00a0true-life story of finding love, transforming the spirit, and overcoming seemingly insurmountable odds.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Intermarried and interested in Judaism? Trying to find your place? Join the conversation. Join the community at J-Journey<\/a><\/strong>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0<\/strong>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

\"IMG_0489\"<\/a>Harold Berman<\/strong>\u00a0is an author whose\u00a0writing has appeared in the Boston Globe<\/em>, New York Jewish Week <\/em>and The Jerusalem Post<\/em>. He was the Executive Director of the Jewish Federation of Western Massachusetts. Harold graduated from New England Conservatory of Music and received his law degree, cum laude, from Boston College.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

\"Gayle<\/a>Gayle Berman<\/strong>\u00a0is an internationally acclaimed singer and has performed leading roles with companies such as the Rome Festival Opera, San Antonio Opera, Boston Academy of Music, and with members of the Boston Symphony Orchestra. Gayle has also served on the voice faculties of several colleges and universities. Gayle and Harold are now raising their family in Israel.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Shavuot is the ultimate holiday of transformation, exemplified by Ruth, who radically transformed herself from a Moabite to a Jew. 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