{"id":31707,"date":"2013-03-22T18:23:04","date_gmt":"2013-03-22T18:23:04","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=31707"},"modified":"2017-06-04T08:26:59","modified_gmt":"2017-06-04T13:26:59","slug":"bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/","title":{"rendered":"A Bold Suggestion for Your Seder<\/em> This Year"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"jewish<\/a>If your Seder\u00a0<\/em>(ceremonial Passover dinner) looks anything like the typical one, you likely have young kids fighting over giving every single d’var Torah<\/em>\u00a0(words of Torah)\u00a0they prepared in school, adults offering technical and complicated vortelach<\/em> (Torah thoughts), someone napping on the couch after drinking the four cups too zealously, and more than one woman complaining that she spent most of the Seder<\/em> in the kitchen and missed the whole thing.<\/p>\n

Is this an authentic picture of what the rabbis really had in mind when they instituted an evening with family and friends designed to nostalgically recall the miracle of leaving Egypt and our journey to freedom? I think not!<\/p>\n

It is abundantly clear from countless sources that the purpose of the evening is not simply to ramble through the text of the Haggadah\u00a0<\/em>(text recited at the\u00a0Seder<\/em><\/em>)\u00a0or to compete for who has the most to say. The entire format of the Seder<\/em> supports the goal of the evening, which is, at its core, to simply have a conversation<\/strong>.<\/p>\n

Indeed, Rav Chaim Soloveitchik suggests that this format is what differentiates the mitzvah\u00a0<\/em>(commandment)\u00a0to speak about Yetzias Mitzrayim<\/em> (the exodus) on Seder<\/em> night from the mitzvah<\/em> to remember it every single day. The rest of the year we lecture, teach, and tell Divrei Torah<\/em> about leaving Egypt. Seder<\/em> night, we have a conversation about the experience in the form of questions and answers, give-and-take, dialogue and discussion. Indeed, so many of the peculiar practices of the evening are done just so that the children will be curious, ask and ignite a conversation.<\/p>\n

I would like to offer a bold suggestion this year: Consider asking your children to put away their Haggadah<\/em>s for part of the Seder<\/em> or to only bring one. The teachers of our community do an extraordinary job in preparing our students. The creativity, ingenuity and hard work that goes into designing the beautiful, personalized Haggadah<\/em>s\u00a0and filling them with Torah thoughts is a testament to the dedication of our outstanding Rebbeim\u00a0<\/em>(rabbis) and\u00a0Morah<\/em>s (teachers). We should welcome their incredible Haggadah<\/em>s at our Seder<\/em> table, but in moderation. If not, these Haggadah<\/em>s can become a source of distraction and even worse, a source of friction when each of our children feel an obligation to read every single thought on every single page of their Haggadah<\/em> at the Seder<\/em>.<\/p>\n

Of course we should spend time sitting with each child, looking through their Haggadah<\/em>, listening to their Divrei Torah<\/em>, and appreciating their enthusiasm. Perhaps we can dedicate time on Erev<\/em>\u00a0(the day before) Pesach\u00a0or on Yom Tov\u00a0<\/em>(the holiday) afternoon to look at their Haggadah<\/em>s more in-depth and to hear the thoughts that didn’t make it into the Seder<\/em> itself. But, if we want our children to get the most out of our Seder<\/em> experience, it can’t just be a presentation of what they learned in school.<\/p>\n

The Seder<\/em> must be a time to have conversations that matter, and discussions that can be transformative and provide inspiration that lasts the entire year. These conversations can happen with children and adults of all ages. Young kids should be engaged in storytelling in a real and personal way.<\/p>\n

We must turn to our children and grandchildren and tell them the riveting story of how we used to be slaves, do backbreaking labor, and were then freed through miracles. With older children and adults, the conversations should be more sophisticated. I would like to suggest a few examples of how the Seder<\/em> can be a platform for great conversations.<\/p>\n

Here are some thought-provoking questions that you can share Seder<\/em> night to generate the kind of rigorous and robust discussions that our rabbis imagined us having:<\/p>\n

    \n
  1. Ha Lachma Anya:<\/strong> Why do we begin the Seder<\/em> specifically by inviting the underprivileged to join us? Is there a connection between freedom and sharing with others?<\/li>\n
  2. Avadim Hayinu:<\/strong> What is slavery and what is freedom? Though we are physically free, are there things and behaviors we are enslaved to? Does technology give us greater freedom or enslave us?<\/li>\n
  3. Four Sons:<\/strong> Which child do you identify with? Is the Rasha<\/em> really so wicked if he at least comes to the Seder? What about the hypothetical fifth son who doesn’t even show? Are the eino yodei’ah lish’ol<\/em> (don’t know how to ask) the unaffiliated of our generation, and how do we engage them?<\/li>\n
  4. V’hi She’amdah:<\/strong> Who are the enemies of our generation that seek to destroy us, and can we identify miracles Hashem does to protect us? What is the root of anti-semitism and why have we always had enemies that seek our destruction?<\/li>\n
  5. Arami Oveid Ami:<\/strong> We became a nation when living among the Egyptians. Is living in a land of freedom good or bad for Judaism? Has the freedom of this great country, America, contributed positively or negatively to the continuity of Torah Judaism?<\/li>\n
  6. Ten Plagues:<\/strong> Can you think of a situation where you felt stuck and Hashem bailed you out? Are there miracles in your life in which you saw the guiding hand of Hashem?<\/li>\n
  7. Dayenu:<\/strong> What does it mean to have the capacity to say, Enough<\/em>? Are we ever satisfied or do we always crave more?<\/li>\n
  8. Hallel:<\/strong> What are you thankful for and why? Tell stories of personal freedom and liberation.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n

    These are just a few examples, but there are countless more conversations to be had on Seder<\/em> night. Even if you disregard my earlier suggestion and insist on listening to every single d’var Torah<\/em> your child brings home, I urge you to be sure to make time to tell stories, ask questions, and have critical conversations. When all is said and done, the Seder<\/em> is intended to be an exercise in emunah<\/em> (faith). If we walk away from the Seder<\/em> and we have not grown in seeing Hashem in our lives, and feeling a connection and closeness to Him, we have failed in our mission. Make sure to have the kind of Seder<\/em> that will leave friends and family wanting to come back for more of your good food and great company, but most of all for your incredible and inspiring conversations.<\/p>\n

     <\/p>\n

    Rabbi Efrem Goldberg<\/strong>\u00a0is the Senior Rabbi of the Boca Raton Synagogue (BRS) in Boca Raton, Florida. He serves as Co-Chair of the Orthodox Rabbinical Board\u2019s Va\u2019ad Ha\u2019Kashrus, as Director of the Rabbinical Council of America\u2019s South Florida Regional Beis Din for Conversion, and as Posek of the Boca Raton Mikvah.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

    Is the “current model” really<\/em> what the rabbis had in mind? Probably not. 8 questions to generate robust table-side discussions.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":733,"featured_media":31710,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[85],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-31707","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-inspiration"],"yoast_head":"\nA Bold Suggestion for Your Seder This Year - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Is the "current model" really what the rabbis had in mind? Probably not. 8 questions to generate robust table-side discussions.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"A Bold Suggestion for Your Seder This Year - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Is the "current model" really what the rabbis had in mind? Probably not. 8 questions to generate robust table-side discussions.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2013-03-22T18:23:04+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-06-04T13:26:59+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"669\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"426\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"5 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/\",\"name\":\"A Bold Suggestion for Your Seder This Year - OU Life\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2013-03-22T18:23:04+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-06-04T13:26:59+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/b3f7905021c0f2a6e200f7cce16e4710\"},\"description\":\"Is the \\\"current model\\\" really what the rabbis had in mind? Probably not. 8 questions to generate robust table-side discussions.\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg\",\"width\":669,\"height\":426},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/\",\"name\":\"OU Life\",\"description\":\"Everyday Jewish Living\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/b3f7905021c0f2a6e200f7cce16e4710\",\"name\":\"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Rabbi-Efrem-Goldberg_avatar-96x96.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Rabbi-Efrem-Goldberg_avatar-96x96.jpg\",\"caption\":\"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg\"},\"description\":\"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg is the Senior Rabbi of the Boca Raton Synagogue (BRS), a rapidly-growing congregation of over 650 families and over 1,000 children in Boca Raton, Florida. In 2010 Rabbi Goldberg was recognized as one of South Florida's Most Influential Jewish Leaders. He serves as Co-Chair of the Orthodox Rabbinical Board's Va'ad Ha'Kashrus, as Director of the Rabbinical Council of America's South Florida Regional Beis Din for Conversion, and as Posek of the Boca Raton Mikvah. He is also on the Board of Directors of the Jewish Federation of South Palm Beach County, Hillel Day School, Torah Academy of Boca Raton, and Friends of the Israel Defense Forces. Additionally, Rabbi Goldberg serves as Vice President of the Rabbinical Council of America and as Chairman of the Orthodox Union Legacy Group and is a member of the AIPAC National Council. Rabbi Goldberg grew up in Teaneck, NJ, attended Yeshivat Kerem B'Yavneh in Israel for two years, graduated from Yeshiva University with a B.A. in psychology, and received Semicha from the Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary, Yeshiva University. In 2008, he completed the Northwestern University Kellogg School of Management Advanced Executive Program. Rabbi Goldberg is married to Yocheved and has six daughters, Racheli, Atara, Leora, Tamar, Estee, and Temima.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/efremgoldberg-me\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"A Bold Suggestion for Your Seder This Year - OU Life","description":"Is the \"current model\" really what the rabbis had in mind? Probably not. 8 questions to generate robust table-side discussions.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"A Bold Suggestion for Your Seder This Year - OU Life","og_description":"Is the \"current model\" really what the rabbis had in mind? Probably not. 8 questions to generate robust table-side discussions.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/","og_site_name":"OU Life","article_published_time":"2013-03-22T18:23:04+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-06-04T13:26:59+00:00","og_image":[{"width":669,"height":426,"url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg","Est. reading time":"5 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/","name":"A Bold Suggestion for Your Seder This Year - OU Life","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg","datePublished":"2013-03-22T18:23:04+00:00","dateModified":"2017-06-04T13:26:59+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/b3f7905021c0f2a6e200f7cce16e4710"},"description":"Is the \"current model\" really what the rabbis had in mind? Probably not. 8 questions to generate robust table-side discussions.","inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/inspiration\/bold-suggestion-your-seder-this-year-efrem-goldberg\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/iStock_000008201814Small-e1363976525916.jpg","width":669,"height":426},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/","name":"OU Life","description":"Everyday Jewish Living","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/b3f7905021c0f2a6e200f7cce16e4710","name":"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Rabbi-Efrem-Goldberg_avatar-96x96.jpg","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Rabbi-Efrem-Goldberg_avatar-96x96.jpg","caption":"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg"},"description":"Rabbi Efrem Goldberg is the Senior Rabbi of the Boca Raton Synagogue (BRS), a rapidly-growing congregation of over 650 families and over 1,000 children in Boca Raton, Florida. In 2010 Rabbi Goldberg was recognized as one of South Florida's Most Influential Jewish Leaders. He serves as Co-Chair of the Orthodox Rabbinical Board's Va'ad Ha'Kashrus, as Director of the Rabbinical Council of America's South Florida Regional Beis Din for Conversion, and as Posek of the Boca Raton Mikvah. He is also on the Board of Directors of the Jewish Federation of South Palm Beach County, Hillel Day School, Torah Academy of Boca Raton, and Friends of the Israel Defense Forces. Additionally, Rabbi Goldberg serves as Vice President of the Rabbinical Council of America and as Chairman of the Orthodox Union Legacy Group and is a member of the AIPAC National Council. Rabbi Goldberg grew up in Teaneck, NJ, attended Yeshivat Kerem B'Yavneh in Israel for two years, graduated from Yeshiva University with a B.A. in psychology, and received Semicha from the Rabbi Isaac Elchanan Theological Seminary, Yeshiva University. In 2008, he completed the Northwestern University Kellogg School of Management Advanced Executive Program. Rabbi Goldberg is married to Yocheved and has six daughters, Racheli, Atara, Leora, Tamar, Estee, and Temima.","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/efremgoldberg-me\/"}]}},"acf":[],"brizy_media":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31707","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/733"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=31707"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31707\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":57831,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/31707\/revisions\/57831"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/31710"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=31707"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=31707"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=31707"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}