When I was a kid, Gameboy and Nintendo were the hottest things you could have. \u00a0My parents never bought those toys, so I had to make do with a Commodore 64 computer that took fifteen minutes to load, and when Ms. Pac-Man finally arrived she moved as slowly as a turtle. \u00a0My friend, who was more fortunate, tells me that when he was young he would spend hours on Sunday playing Super Mario Brothers, and by the time the game was over, his thumb was so tired and numb that his mother would bring him a cup of water in which to soak his finger. \u00a0Those were our problems \u2013 long loading times and sore thumbs.<\/p>\n
Oh, how things have changed.<\/p>\n
Nowadays, instead of worrying about how to make it to the next stage of Donkey Kong, we worry whether our children will be the victims of a cyber-bully. \u00a0We worry that our daughters will get carried away by the lure of social media and that our sons will communicate via technology in ways he would never dare to face-to-face.<\/p>\n
And it\u2019s not just children confronting the allure of an ever-present and always-accessible mode of technology, whether it\u2019s via a computer, Smartphone, or iPhone. \u00a0Adults, too, grapple with finding a proper balance with technology and social media.<\/p>\n
According to Rabbi Ariel Schochet, LAC, MS, Associate Administrator at the JEC Yeshiva of Elizabeth, \u201cboth children and adults have become so dependent on technology and we can\u2019t get rid of it. \u00a0It\u2019s not like a television that you can manage without. \u00a0This is how the world now operates and communicates.\u201d \u00a0The Internet and Facebook are here to stay. \u00a0How best, then, to handle the continuing onslaught? \u00a0\u201cThe important thing is learning to set proper boundaries,\u201d says Rabbi Schochet.<\/p>\n
As a clinician at Jewish Family Services, Rabbi Schochet sees his fair share of clients who deal with issues stemming from technological overload. \u00a0For one couple, the inordinate amount of time the husband and wife were spending on their Smartphones was putting a strain on their marriage. \u00a0\u201cThey weren\u2019t talking to each other,\u201d he recalls. \u00a0\u201cInstead, they were engaging in quality solitary time with their iPhones.\u201d<\/p>\n
Another couple Rabbi Schochet helped was struggling with technology miscommunications. \u00a0Texts they sent to one another were misinterpreted and led to marital strife. \u00a0\u201cPeople are not as quick to be thoughtful when they email or text,\u201d he says, and points out that something as simple as writing in caps can lead to someone wondering why they\u2019re being yelled at. \u00a0\u201cI spend an entire session working with them on how to write a text that\u2019s more considerate and won\u2019t hurt the other person.\u201d<\/p>\n
The preponderance of technology and social media outlets has many more implications than its unrelenting hold on our time and attention. \u00a0It \u00a0can also become an easy source for kids to push the envelope, feigning bravado they would never dare muster in real time. \u00a0Nevertheless, emphasizes Rabbi Schochet, trying to ban it just heightens its allure. \u00a0It is better to set reasonable limits and establish proper boundaries in how we use technology in our homes.<\/p>\n
When parents are aware of how involved their children are on Facebook and other social media sites, they can monitor and guide their kids\u2019 behavior. \u00a0According to Dr. Tzippora Wallach, Director of Counseling and Guidance Services at the JEC\u2019s Bruriah High School and a Psychologist with a private practice in Monsey and Englewood, a great way to keep tabs on your kid\u2019s Facebook account is to have them \u201cfriend\u201d you. \u00a0Not only will that keep you apprised of what they\u2019re writing and showing on their page, but it is a great method for ensuring that they\u2019ll think twice before showing a racy picture or using inappropriate language.<\/p>\n
\u201cKids lose their inhibitions when they\u2019re on Facebook,\u201d says Dr. Wallach. \u00a0\u201cPosting rumors and tagging friends inappropriately become easier because they\u2019re not dealing with a person, but with technology. \u00a0There\u2019s this disconnect between what they would say in person and what they say on Facebook. \u00a0Furthermore, kids don\u2019t realize how permanent the internet is. \u00a0Pictures and posts put up years earlier can be looked at by potential employers and schools.\u201d<\/p>\n
This ease of communication on Facebook, this hiding behind the screen, also encourages cyber bullying. \u00a0\u201cIt has become a huge issue,\u201d stresses Dr. Wallach. \u00a0\u201cIn cyber bullying we\u2019ve taken size out of the equation. \u00a0You can be a bully without being big and strong as it used to be in the playground.\u201d<\/p>\n
More than just saying mean things about other kids, bullies have begun starting Facebook pages specifically for excluding others. \u00a0For example, kids have set up \u201cDo not be friends with so and so\u201d pages for kids to rally around. \u00a0And when a child or teenager is bullied in this way, the consequences can be more than just a few tears.<\/p>\n
Although it is somewhat comforting to know that there are anti-bullying laws in New York, New Jersey, and around the country, that doesn\u2019t change much in the way of emotional and social suffering for the victim. \u00a0Dr. Wallach says that cyber bullying can cause social anxiety, general anxiety, and school phobia. \u00a0It can make kids nervous and depressed.<\/p>\n
It is crucial for parents to speak to their children about internet safety and for kids to know they can turn to their parents for help. \u00a0Dr. Wallach adds that schools must to be involved in resolving and enforcing a zero-tolerance policy for bullying if we hope to eradicate it.<\/p>\n
The refrain goes something like this: \u201cTechnology can be a force for good or bad. It all depends on how it is used.\u201d Often, when we are reassured by the potential to do good, we revert to our cyber-status quo, perpetuating behaviors that are hurtful. We need to take technology\u2019s risks more seriously, and not assume that we fall on the healthy, positive side of the spectrum. We need to be aware of our own and our children\u2019s activities, evaluate whether they are appropriate, and take real steps to make them so.<\/p>\n
Studies have demonstrated that technology literally rewires our brains. Experience tells us that it rewires our relationships. It\u2019s time for us to step up, make smart decisions, and rewire our wireless habits.<\/p>\n
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