![\"Mischievous](\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Mischievous-Child-300x200.jpg\")
<\/p>\nToday, I was at the ice cream store, and I watched a mom trying to convince her 3-year old child to leave.<\/p>\n
She pleaded with her daughter, \u201cPlease, Karen, please. Come with Mommy.\u201d<\/p>\n
I remember those days. I am not a take-charge person, so I had a very hard time getting my children to cooperate. I was similar to the mom in the ice cream store. I would plead, cajole and sometimes bribe. It was exhausting.
\nI read lots of different parenting books and at some point I realized that this was not good for me, but even more so, it was not good for my kids. Kids want their parents to be in control. It makes them feel secure. So it may seem as if they want to be left alone to do their own thing, but deep down–deeper than even they realize–they want you to be in charge.<\/p>\n
<\/p>\n
So how can we do this?<\/p>\n
One way that works is for parents to develop a voice of authority. This is to be used when your child ignores you and challenges you. This will help you avoid a lot of the conflicts that come up in your daily life with your child.<\/p>\n
Many parents–okay, I have to say it here: particularly mom–will say:<\/p>\n
\u201cWould you mind turning off the TV and coming to dinner?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cCome on honey, please put your pajamas on.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIt is time for the bath, okay\u2026.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cIs it alright for you to come help me now?\u201d<\/p>\n
What is the problem with the above phrases? The \u201cokay?” \u00a0\u201calright?\u201d \u201cwould you?\u201d and \u00a0 \u201ccome on\u201d makes it sound as if we are asking our kid\u2019s permission.<\/p>\n
We are essentially saying you should put your pajamas on, but only if it is okay with you. It is confusing for kids. They may think, \u201cDoes she want me to put my pajamas on or not? \u00a0It sounds like she is not sure. Well, if she is not sure then I will just continue playing.\u201d<\/p>\n
When you ask you kids for cooperation, you want your voice to sound firm with a ring of authority to it. You can be polite but firm.<\/p>\n
\u201cThe TV needs to be turned off. It\u2019s dinner time.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cTime for pajamas.\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cThe bath is ready, now. \u201c<\/p>\n
\u201cYour help is needed, now.\u201d<\/p>\n
This was tricky for me. I am not assertive person by nature. I was only motivated by the fact that I knew that I had to do it for my kids’ well-being.<\/p>\n
When I do use my voice of authority, it feels kind of nice. I sound confident and sure. And that is what my kids really need: a confident and sure mom.<\/p>\n