{"id":28361,"date":"2012-08-01T01:37:52","date_gmt":"2012-08-01T01:37:52","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=28361"},"modified":"2017-01-29T01:12:10","modified_gmt":"2017-01-29T06:12:10","slug":"my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/","title":{"rendered":"My Children are Brats"},"content":{"rendered":"

I often hear parents use terms like \u201cspoiled\u201d or \u201cbratty\u201d to describe their kids.\u00a0What do they mean? I am not 100-percent sure, but I think they mean they see their kids acting with some mix of self-centeredness and entitlement. We’ve all been there. We get annoyed and frustrated and a little insulted as well.\u00a0But what can we do to change a seemingly spoiled child?<\/p>\n

It reminds of the times when I bought something for my child and he or she said:
\n\u201cYou bought only one<\/em> package of sidewalk chalk?!\u201d
\n\u201cBut this isn\u2019t my favorite flavor ice cream!\u201d
\n\u201cYou were at the store? Why didn’t you get me the pencils I wanted?\u201d<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/p>\n

Behavior like this can put us parents on edge.\u00a0To help us out, we need to know that this behavior is normal. Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. They also don\u2019t have the easiest time regulating their own feelings, so when they are disappointed (by not getting their favorite ice cream, for example) they may just blurt out exactly what they are feeling.<\/p>\n

So what can we do? Is this an unavoidable part of childhood, ingrained in kids’ characters, or can we turn this behavior around? I think the latter.<\/p>\n

Even though kids are prone to thinking and acting in a certain way, we can\u00a0enlighten\u00a0them, so to speak. We’re not changing them; we’re showing them. We can train them to reprogram their knee-jerk reactions. Kids who speak disrespectfully need to be trained to act grateful instead of with a sense of entitlement. That is our job. We also need to teach them to express their disappointment and their needs in a polite way. We can point out how their behavior affects others.<\/p>\n

To teach them to be grateful instead of entitled, you can gently say:\u00a0\u201cI expect that when I buy you a present, like sidewalk chalk, you say thank you.\u201d<\/p>\n

To teach them to express their disappointment and express their needs, you can empathize and then state your expectations:\u00a0\u201cYou sound disappointed about the ice cream. However, when someone buys you something you need to say thank you. Next time this happens you can say, ‘Thanks Mom. Next time you go, can you get me chocolate?’\u201d<\/p>\n

To teach them to understand how their behavior affects others, you can talk about your feelings:
\n\u201cI feel frustrated when I am spoken to in this way. I wrote pencils down on my shopping list but it seems I forgot to pick them up. The next time I have time to go to store I will buy them.\u201d<\/p>\n

Kids are diamonds, but sometimes more like\u00a0diamonds\u00a0in the rough–they just need some polishing. That’s where we come in. So let\u2019s avoid calling our kids names and focus on what we need to teach them.<\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n

Having trouble getting the message across?\u00a0Parents: Talk Less to Say More<\/em><\/a>.<\/strong><\/p>\n

\n

Adina Soclof<\/strong>, MS. CCC-SLP,\u00a0works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children\u2019s Bureau facilitating\u00a0<\/em>How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk\u00a0workshops as well as workshops based on\u00a0<\/em>Siblings Without Rivalry. Adina also runs\u00a0parentingsimply.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. That’s where you come in.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":55209,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-28361","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nMy Children are Brats - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. That's where you, as a parent, come in.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"My Children are Brats - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. That's where you, as a parent, come in.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2012-08-01T01:37:52+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2017-01-29T06:12:10+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"837\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"558\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/jpeg\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Adina Soclof\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Adina Soclof\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"3 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/\",\"name\":\"My Children are Brats - OU Life\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg\",\"datePublished\":\"2012-08-01T01:37:52+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2017-01-29T06:12:10+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/e1d662e1b99b4cb9d5268c1a8111a03a\"},\"description\":\"Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. That's where you, as a parent, come in.\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg\",\"width\":837,\"height\":558,\"caption\":\"Boy in kings crown\"},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/\",\"name\":\"OU Life\",\"description\":\"Everyday Jewish Living\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/e1d662e1b99b4cb9d5268c1a8111a03a\",\"name\":\"Adina Soclof\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Adina-Soclof_avatar-96x96.png\",\"contentUrl\":\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Adina-Soclof_avatar-96x96.png\",\"caption\":\"Adina Soclof\"},\"description\":\"Adina Soclof, MS. CCC-SLP is a certified Speech Pathologist. She received her master's degree from Hunter College in New York in Communication Sciences. She works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children's Bureau facilitating \\\"How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk\\\" workshops as well as workshops based on \u201cSiblings Without Rivalry.\u201d Adina developed TEAM Communication Ventures and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. You can visit her at website at www.parentingsimply.com.\",\"sameAs\":[\"http:\/\/parentingsimply.com\"],\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/adinasoclof-me\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"My Children are Brats - OU Life","description":"Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. That's where you, as a parent, come in.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"My Children are Brats - OU Life","og_description":"Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. That's where you, as a parent, come in.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/","og_site_name":"OU Life","article_published_time":"2012-08-01T01:37:52+00:00","article_modified_time":"2017-01-29T06:12:10+00:00","og_image":[{"width":837,"height":558,"url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg","type":"image\/jpeg"}],"author":"Adina Soclof","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Adina Soclof","Est. reading time":"3 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/","name":"My Children are Brats - OU Life","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg","datePublished":"2012-08-01T01:37:52+00:00","dateModified":"2017-01-29T06:12:10+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/e1d662e1b99b4cb9d5268c1a8111a03a"},"description":"Most kids have a hard time understanding another\u2019s feelings, which often makes them look selfish. That's where you, as a parent, come in.","inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/my-children-brats-spoiled-adina-soclof\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Boy-in-Kings-Crown-e1485670213342.jpg","width":837,"height":558,"caption":"Boy in kings crown"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/","name":"OU Life","description":"Everyday Jewish Living","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/e1d662e1b99b4cb9d5268c1a8111a03a","name":"Adina Soclof","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Adina-Soclof_avatar-96x96.png","contentUrl":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Adina-Soclof_avatar-96x96.png","caption":"Adina Soclof"},"description":"Adina Soclof, MS. CCC-SLP is a certified Speech Pathologist. She received her master's degree from Hunter College in New York in Communication Sciences. She works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children's Bureau facilitating \"How to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk\" workshops as well as workshops based on \u201cSiblings Without Rivalry.\u201d Adina developed TEAM Communication Ventures and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. You can visit her at website at www.parentingsimply.com.","sameAs":["http:\/\/parentingsimply.com"],"url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/adinasoclof-me\/"}]}},"acf":[],"brizy_media":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28361","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/720"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=28361"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28361\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":55211,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/28361\/revisions\/55211"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/55209"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=28361"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=28361"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=28361"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}