![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Forgiveness-Large.jpg\" "\\"Forgive\\"")
<\/a><\/p>\nForgiveness is not all or nothing; it exists on a spectrum. At one end is full forgiveness, where we release a person from our claim against him or her (excluding any money owed) and let go of resentment. At the other end, we reduce \u2013 even if only slightly \u2013 the animosity and bitterness we feel.<\/p>\n
If the perpetrator is evil, it may not be appropriate to extend full forgiveness. Wicked people have brought themselves to a level lower than that of an animal. Sometimes, the best approach is to think of them as rabid dogs, protecting ourselves from them, and feeling neither bitterness nor forgiveness.<\/p>\n
Forgiveness does not mean excusing the hurt or forgetting the past. We need to learn from our experiences and when necessary, keep a polite but safe distance from those who may hurt us again. For others, even after forgiving them, we need to be assertive and let them know how we would like to be treated and which behaviors are unacceptable.<\/p>\n
Forgiveness cannot be forced; it is something you ease into at your own pace. Initially, you may only be able to slightly decrease your hatred; over time, you may be able to completely let go. The only requirement to begin is a desire to remove the bitterness from your heart. If you do not yet have this desire, make a list of what you gain by holding on to anger and resentment, as well as what you lose.<\/p>\n
The Five Tools<\/strong><\/span><\/h3>\nThe following five strategies will assist you to begin forgiving.<\/p>\n
1) Strengthen your faith.<\/strong> Read works on faith and remind yourself that while people are accountable for misdeeds, no one can harm us without our Creator giving permission. As Jeremiah said in Lamentations (3:37), \u201cWhose decree was ever fulfilled, if the Lord did not will it?\u201d When we have this mindset, we no longer blame others for our pain and difficulties; our challenges come from G-d for our eternal benefit.<\/p>\nEvery violation against another person is also a violation against G-d\u2019s Torah; He prohibits harming His children. Even when we extend forgiveness and release our claim against the offender, unless the person repents, G-d holds that person accountable for transgressing the Torah. With faith, we trust G-d and rely on Him to insure that justice is done; there is no need to hold on to our personal claim against the offender and certainly no benefit in holding on to bitterness.<\/p>\n
2) Acknowledge that no one is perfect and that we all have challenges.<\/strong> Most misdeeds are not done out of malice; people usually think what they\u2019re doing is right. Hurtful acts are often committed out of ignorance or due to misguided notions of what is appropriate. Factors leading to lapses in judgment include being blinded by self-interest and sinful impulses, and failing to overcome difficult life circumstances, e.g., insufficient parenting, emotional issues, etc.<\/p>\n
Every violation against another person is also a violation against G-d\u2019s Torah; He prohibits harming His children. Even when we extend forgiveness and release our claim against the offender, unless the person repents, G-d holds that person accountable for transgressing the Torah. With faith, we trust G-d and rely on Him to insure that justice is done; there is no need to hold on to our personal claim against the offender and certainly no benefit in holding on to bitterness.<\/p>\n
2) Acknowledge that no one is perfect and that we all have challenges.<\/strong> Most misdeeds are not done out of malice; people usually think what they\u2019re doing is right. Hurtful acts are often committed out of ignorance or due to misguided notions of what is appropriate. Factors leading to lapses in judgment include being blinded by self-interest and sinful impulses, and failing to overcome difficult life circumstances, e.g., insufficient parenting, emotional issues, etc.<\/p>\n