Below are ten specific things that can be easily accomplished by married\u00a0couples within their communities:<\/p>\n
1) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Stay in contact with your single friends after you get married. \u00a0<\/strong>Many singles feel abandoned by their friends once their friends tie the knot. \u00a0Although your needs and priorities change greatly once you get married, that doesn\u2019t mean that you should stop all contact with your single friends. \u00a0Call them occasionally and find out what\u2019s going on in their lives. \u00a0Take an interest in what interests them. \u00a0Ask them for advice, and share your own joys and hardships with them. \u00a0Invite them over for a Shabbat weekend. \u00a0They will appreciate the contact \u2013 and feel better about themselves.<\/p>\n 2) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Be supportive.<\/strong> \u00a0\u00a0Instead of simply dishing out advice, listen to what your single friends are saying. \u00a0Show them that you care. \u00a0This, in turn, will lead many of your single friends to share more details about their lives with you, without making it seem like you are prying into their business.<\/p>\n 3) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Avoid making judgments about current relationships in which your single friends may be involved.<\/strong> \u00a0If you are specifically asked by your single friend about a person he or she is seeing, you can be honest and forthcoming about how you feel, but steer clear of passing judgment. Certainly don\u2019t feel obligated to volunteer the information yourself.<\/p>\n 4) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Give thought to setting up singles<\/strong>. \u00a0Actively network with others both within your own community and in other to increase the pool of potential singles that can be matched up. \u00a0Don\u2019t suggest a date simply because two people are the same age, or because someone asks you whether you know a good guy or gal. \u00a0Get to know singles personally, rather than treating them like index cards. \u00a0Respect confidential information shared with you. \u00a0Don\u2019t assume someone is available and interested before checking first. \u00a0And if you\u2019ve suggested a potential date to person, and he or she is interested, make sure to follow up on the suggestion and not leave the person hanging.<\/p>\n 5) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Include single members of your community in the planning and development for your shul.<\/strong> \u00a0If they deserve to be honored at a dinner, don\u2019t exclude them simply because they are single. \u00a0There\u2019s no halachah<\/em> (law) that a shul president, treasurer or dinner chair has to be married. \u00a0You can value singles for their skills and accomplishments by rewarding them with honors and board positions, without validating singlehood as a long-term goal.<\/p>\n 6) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Invite singles in your community to your Shabbat meals.<\/strong> \u00a0This is a great way for singles to meet each other in a normal and non-pressurized environment. \u00a0If two singles seem to hit it off at a meal, they can always go out on a real date at a later time. \u00a0If there are only a few singles living in your community, plan a different kind of singles Shabbaton, where 40-50 singles can spend a Shabbat weekend in your community\u2014and various couples can host 6-8 singles each for Shabbat meals.<\/p>\n 7) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Don\u2019t give in to pressures to conform.<\/strong> \u00a0If someone asks you a stupid\u00a0question that has no bearing on a potential shidduch<\/em> (match) for your child or for\u00a0a friend\u2019s child, don\u2019t answer the question\u2014and make it clear that you\u00a0refuse to participate in such silly behavior. \u00a0Although the tablecloth\u00a0color question might be an urban legend, it’s unfortunately very common for\u00a0individuals to ask inappropriate questions, such as a potential date’s\u00a0mother’s dress size and other such irrelevant matters. Also, many potential\u00a0dates are initially rejected because they don’t fit neatly into a very\u00a0narrow hashkafah<\/em> (religious outlook). \u00a0Avoid the labeling that has become so\u00a0common in the Orthodox community, and treasure the rich diversity within\u00a0our ranks.<\/p>\n 8) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Encourage the practice of mixed seating at weddings.<\/strong> \u00a0There are few better ways for large groups of singles to get to know each other in a comfortable and natural environment than at a mixed table of singles at a wedding. \u00a0Countless shidduchim (matches) have been made in this fashion (Rav Aharon Soloveichik, one of the greatest Torah scholars of the 20th century, met his future spouse at a mixed seating wedding), and many more shidduchim can be made in the future if we encourage this practice.<\/p>\n 9) \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0Get involved in creating normal, healthy social activities for singles.<\/strong> \u00a0Put together a planning committee consisting of both singles and married people from your shul. \u00a0Plan a symposium where speakers can talk candidly about shidduch-related issues. \u00a0Organize social events for singles, such as an arts festival or a chessed (loving-kindness) project, which allow singles to interact with each other without the program feeling like a typical singles event.<\/p>\n 10) \u00a0 Empower singles that you know to arrange their own dates.<\/strong> While using a shadchan can work for many singles, others can achieve great success in finding a mate through informal meetings and natural activities. Singles can become more proactive in socializing with members of the opposite sex outside of formal dates, and married individuals can encourage them to get more involved in different kinds of activities, which will increase their chances of finding a shidduch on their own.<\/p>\n Ultimately, the ability for more Orthodox Jewish singles to get married will fall on the shoulders of singles themselves. \u00a0However, if we can mobilize the efforts of those who are already happily married and get more people in our community involved in helping singles, we can create many more marriages\u2014and greatly alleviate the challenges that Orthodox singles are regularly facing in today\u2019s world.<\/p>\n Michael Feldstein<\/strong> is the marketing director at Boardroom Inc., a direct marketer of books and newsletters. \u00a0He also serves on the Advisory Committee of YUConnects, and is a member of the board of the Halachic Organ Donor Society (HODS). He was the founding chairperson of the Committee to Advance Modern Orthodoxy in Stamford<\/a> (CAMOS), a community growth initiative that has successfully attracted many young Modern Orthodox couples to relocate to Stamford. You can reach Michael Feldstein at\u00a0michaelgfeldstein@gmail.com<\/a>.\u00a0<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":" The 10 commandments for married people looking to make a difference.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":743,"featured_media":25238,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-25221","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating"],"yoast_head":"\n![\"\"](\"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/rsz_1istock_000017444307xsmall-300x119.jpg\" "\\"rsz_1istock_000017444307xsmall\\"")
<\/p>\n
\n