{"id":24322,"date":"2012-03-06T02:42:22","date_gmt":"2012-03-06T02:42:22","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=24322"},"modified":"2015-11-06T07:06:16","modified_gmt":"2015-11-06T12:06:16","slug":"purim-story-turn-childs-fear-courage-adina-soclof","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/purim-story-turn-childs-fear-courage-adina-soclof\/","title":{"rendered":"The Purim Story: How to Turn Your Child\u2019s Fear Into Courage"},"content":{"rendered":"

My daughter had a minor surgery a few years ago. To prepare her, my pediatrician recommended the book \u201cFranklin Goes To The Hospital\u201d by Paulette Burgeouis and Brenda Clark.<\/p>\n

In the book, Franklin hurts his shell (he is a turtle) playing soccer. He needs to get it fixed and requires a surgical procedure. \u00a0During the days leading up to the operation, his friends and family keep telling him how brave he his. When he arrives at the hospital on the day of his surgery, the nurse tells him that they need to take an X-ray. Franklin, a normally mild-mannered turtle, refuses and starts to cry. The nurse asks him what is wrong. He says, (and I paraphrase): \u201cEveryone has been telling me how brave I am. But if you take a picture of my insides you will see that I am very scared. I am not brave at all.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now is when the book gets really good. The nurse calmly explains to him:\u00a0\u201cFranklin, everyone gets scared, especially before a surgery. Doing that what you have to do even though you are scared to do it, that is what makes you brave.\u201d<\/p>\n

I thought that was the best description of bravery that I ever heard. It gives kids and adults a clear understanding of what bravery is: doing what we need to do despite being scared.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>We tend to admire brave people but generally think that they act with courage because they are fearless. We focus on the act of bravery; we rarely think about the conflict and the fear that they may have experienced before they acted courageously. Could it be that they were fearful\u2026and that they overcame those feelings to do something great? If that is the case, doesn\u2019t that make them truly brave? Like it says in Pirkei Avot: \u00a0“Who is truly strong? The one who subdues his inclinations.\u201d<\/p>\n

I think the Purim story illustrates this idea of courage in a powerful way. \u00a0Mordechai sends a message to Esther and tells her to approach the king to save the Jewish people. Esther basically tells him she can\u2019t; she is scared (and rightly so). \u00a0She has not been called to the king in 30 days, and anyone who approaches the king without being summoned will be killed.<\/p>\n

And then, in one of the most moving speeches in the Megillah, Mordechai tells Esther that she must lay her life on the line in order to save the Jewish people. Esther takes her fear and puts it on the back burner. \u00a0She prays to G-d and she fasts. \u00a0And she goes to see the king. \u00a0She puts in motion one of the most daring, understated and successful rescue missions in Jewish history. She embodies bravery and courage.<\/p>\n

Because of this, she is immortalized as one of the greatest champions of the Jewish people. We read her story year after year as a tribute to the fact that she did not let her fear overwhelm her. She overcame it and acted with courage.<\/p>\n

This is an important lesson. Children in this modern age have many fears. Family discord, separation anxiety, or any type of change. Terrorism and other \u201cbad guys.\u201d They also have their little fears \u2013 loud noises, the dark, or monsters under the bed. \u00a0Teens have fears of not doing well in school, of not getting into college, of not fitting in. They can use stories and role models to help them cope.<\/p>\n

So even though my kids are older now, we still reference the Franklin book. I tell my kids, \u201cRemember, being brave and doing brave acts does not mean that you were never scared. It means that you were scared but you did what you had to do anyway, just like our great leader, Esther HaMalka.\u201d<\/p>\n

We have so many stories in our Jewish heritage that can support this definition of courage. Avraham Avinu stood up to Nimrod, Yosef HaTzaddik dealt with Pharoah and settled his father and brothers in a strange land. \u00a0Moshe, too, met Pharoah head-on. Shimon HaTzaddik faced Alexander the Great. \u00a0Later there were the Court Jews. \u00a0Earlier this year Bibi Netanyahu had to address the United Nations.<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s tell our children: Yes, they were probably scared. \u00a0But they overcame their fear and did what they had to do. They knew they needed to in order keep the Jewish People alive and whole. And if you have to, with G-d\u2019s help, you can do it too.<\/p>\n

Have a wonderful Purim!<\/p>\n

Spread the lessons of Purim with the\u00a0Our Way Purim Power Point Program<\/a>.\u00a0It presents the\u00a0Megillah\u00a0in a way that includes members of the community with hearing loss, visual impairment, attention deficits, autism, learning disabilities, and so much more.<\/em><\/p>\n

\n

Adina Soclof, a certified Speech Pathologist, received her Master’s\u00a0degree from Hunter College in New York\u00a0in Communication Sciences. She works as a Parent Educator for Bellefaire Jewish Children\u2019s Bureau facilitating \u201cHow to Talk so Kids will Listen and Listen so Kids will Talk\u201d workshops as well as workshops based on \u201cSiblings Without Rivalry.\u201d Adina also runs\u00a0ParentingSimply.com<\/a>\u00a0and conducts parenting, teacher and clinician workshops via telephone nationwide. Adina lives with her husband and four lively children in Cleveland, Ohio. You can visit her at website at\u00a0www.parentingsimply.com<\/a>.<\/em><\/p>\n

 <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

True courage isn’t fearlessness.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":720,"featured_media":24323,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24322","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Purim Story: How to Turn Your Child\u2019s Fear Into Courage<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\""Doing that what you have to do even though you are scared to do it is what makes you brave.\u201d That is the best description of bravery that I ever heard\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/purim-story-turn-childs-fear-courage-adina-soclof\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta 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