{"id":24143,"date":"2012-02-22T01:00:45","date_gmt":"2012-02-22T01:00:45","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?p=24143"},"modified":"2016-12-02T07:24:20","modified_gmt":"2016-12-02T12:24:20","slug":"may-not-listen-hear-everything-chana-mayefsky","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/may-not-listen-hear-everything-chana-mayefsky\/","title":{"rendered":"They May Not Listen, But They Hear Everything"},"content":{"rendered":"

My six-year-old daughter loves to bentch.<\/em><\/p>\n

She bentches<\/em>\u00a0– that is, gives thanks to G-d – after she eats bread. \u00a0She bentches<\/em> after she eats two slices of pizza. \u00a0She bentches\u00a0<\/em>after we eat our Shabbat meals.She also bentches<\/em> throughout the day. \u00a0At any given time, I can hear my daughter singing parts of the bentching<\/em> niggun<\/em>, whether it\u2019s when she\u2019s playing, sitting in the car, or getting into pajamas.<\/p>\n

\"\"<\/a>And as much as it can become somewhat tiresome hearing the same song all day, every day, it also serves as a constant eye-opener that my child, our children, are so finely attuned to what they hear and what they learn.<\/p>\n

Bottom line \u2013 I would prefer to hear her bentching<\/em>, speaking words of Torah and holiness, than hearing her mimic some of the profane and immoral parts of pop culture.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m reminded of the time, a few years back, when my daughter learned about Antiochus and the Chanukah story and several weeks later was taught about Pharaoh and the Jews living as slaves in Egypt. \u00a0She peppered me with questions about each story, wanting to know all the details of what life was like as a slave all those years ago in Egypt and what it meant to be living under a hostile Greek ruler.And then, one night she asked: \u201cWho was worse \u2013 Pharaoh or Antiochus?\u201d<\/p>\n

This query was repeated for weeks on end. \u00a0My daughter would weigh the pros and cons of each, and invariably come up with a well thought-out answer. \u00a0She insisted I give her an answer as well. \u00a0My husband and parents were also grilled.<\/p>\n

On a different occasion, my daughter learned about Yaakov\u2019s death in school. \u00a0(Never mind that a topic of this nature was covered in under ten minutes in pre-school. \u00a0That\u2019s a discussion for another time.) \u00a0She came home from school that day and began questioning me about how Yaakov died, where he went, how it happened, and other related issues.<\/p>\n

And these questions continued for months.<\/p>\n

I was completely shocked at her fascination with this. \u00a0But it underscored just how much children absorb and internalize, even when we don\u2019t expect or realize it.<\/p>\n

I\u2019m a big fan of Pirkei Avot<\/em> – Ethics of Our Fathers. \u00a0It\u2019s a treasure trove filled with wisdom and inspiration and has something to say about everything. \u00a0\u201cElisha ben Avuya said: One who studies Torah as a child, to what can he be likened? \u00a0\u2013 to ink written on fresh paper\u201d \u00a0(4:25).<\/p>\n

Studies note how quickly children pick up languages. \u00a0The same is true of how quickly children discover what we feel is important and what we let fall by the wayside.<\/p>\n

We all have funny stories about how our children finally repeat something we\u2019ve been impressing upon them or mimic our words when least expected. \u00a0They hear what we tell them even if we don\u2019t think they\u2019re listening. \u00a0And they\u2019re absorbing our words even when they appear not to.<\/p>\n

My younger daughter is constantly quoting her morah<\/em>, her teacher. \u00a0\u201cMorah<\/em> said we should do this,\u201d or \u201cMorah said not to do this.\u201d \u00a0Not only is her teacher her educator, she is also her role model.<\/p>\n

Still, as parents, we are the most important teachers and role models in our children\u2019s lives.<\/p>\n

There are so many small but important ways to teach by example. \u00a0Sharing words of Torah and acting out the parsha at the Shabbat table, saying our brachot, blessings, out loud, and singing Shema with our children are wonderful ways for us to encourage Torah thoughts.<\/p>\n

We can speak respectfully and enthusiastically about our parents and in-laws and give our children an opportunity to bond with their grandparents, so that they can view this time as something special, not a chore to be hurried through. \u00a0I have such fond memories of spending time with my grandparents. \u00a0We would play games, eat snacks, and talk about our day. \u00a0I often went in search of my zaide, who lived with us for many years, when I needed help with my Chumash (Bible) or history homework. \u00a0And, especially now, I cherish all those moments we shared.<\/p>\n

When our children answer the phone and a telemarketer asks for us, do we frantically shake our heads \u201cno!\u201d and whisper, \u201cI\u2019m not home?\u201d (Let\u2019s be honest here.) \u00a0Instead, we can politely decline to contribute or simply reply that right now is not a good time. \u00a0Our children will instantly see that telling the truth matters, even when it\u2019s not easy or convenient. \u00a0Don\u2019t wait for your child to fake \u201cA\u201ds on his report card to scold him for lying. \u00a0Be his role model before the need arises.<\/p>\n

How do we greet our neighbors? \u00a0Do our children see us hurrying past them or pretending not to see them if we\u2019re in a rush? \u00a0Or do we take one moment out of busy lives to stop, say good morning, and perhaps bring some joy to an otherwise lonely day?<\/p>\n

Let\u2019s make our kids active participants in their Judaism. It\u2019s an endless task. \u00a0It\u2019s a grueling task. \u00a0But it\u2019s one, we all know, that\u2019s well worth the effort.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Why your kids – for better or for worse – are just like you. (And how to make sure it’s “for better”) <\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":293,"featured_media":24144,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-24143","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nThey May Not Listen, But They Hear Everything - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"Why your kids - for better or for worse - are just like you. (And how to make sure it's "for better"). 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