{"id":13272,"date":"2010-11-10T19:00:12","date_gmt":"2010-11-10T19:00:12","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/production.ou.org\/life\/other\/the_great_pretender\/"},"modified":"2015-11-02T07:42:39","modified_gmt":"2015-11-02T12:42:39","slug":"the_great_pretender","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/","title":{"rendered":"The Great Pretender"},"content":{"rendered":"

A poster hung in my kindergarten classroom with a silhouette of a coyote howling at the moon that read, \u201cBe Yourself.\u201d<\/p>\n

I never really understood what that had to do with a coyote howling. I can only assume it was a very self-actualized coyote.<\/p>\n

Ever since we are little we\u2019re told, \u201cBe yourself, just be yourself,\u201d and it seems easy enough to do. I was always myself. Mostly for the sole reason that I had no idea how to be anyone else. I was very good about it my entire life. I was never Al Pacino, I was never Sheryl Crow, and I was never even Oprah (excluding one occasion on Purim which I would prefer not to discuss.)<\/p>\n

It seemed silly that society felt it was so necessary to constantly remind us to be who we are, as if that was much harder than completely transforming into another human being.<\/p>\n

I had no idea what they were talking about. Until I met Yitzak.<\/p>\n

He was beautiful. Not in the mainstream superficial way that all the magazines flaunt, but in the way that I liked. His glasses hid his kind eyes, which I assumed were probably strained from several years of diligent torah study. His jaw was defined, yet fragile looking, suggesting compassion and femininity, and his hands were stained with ink. Just like mine.<\/p>\n

He was a family friend and it had been arranged that we meet for coffee one afternoon at a place near his parents\u2019 home.<\/p>\n

I wanted him to like me more than I had ever wanted anyone to like me. I was overwrought about my manners, my movement, my conversation. I was being overly nice, unusually awkward, and trying all too hard. But I wasn\u2019t trying to be myself. I was trying to be whoever I thought he wanted me to be. The only problem: I didn\u2019t know who that was yet. Unless it was Oprah, I was in trouble.<\/p>\n

\u201cSo I\u2019m really into basketball.\u201d<\/p>\n

\n

\u201cOh no way! That\u2019s so great, I love basketball!!\u201d\"\"<\/a><\/p>\n

\u2026I thought basketball was okay.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yea? Who\u2019s your favorite player?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cLebron James.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u2026Because he\u2019s the only one whosename I know.<\/p>\n

\u201cOh yea, he\u2019s great. I\u2019m excited to see how he fares with The Heat.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cMe too!\u201d<\/p>\n

I am not. I\u2019m from Cleveland. Lebron leaving was one of the worst things to happen to our city since the Cuyahoga River caught on fire in 1969. But contrary to what I had just told him, I don\u2019t follow basketball, and merely thought he was commenting on how Lebron would handle the hot summer weather.<\/p>\n

The dinner continued with him listing things he liked and me enthusiastically agreeing with everything he said. If he liked chocolate, I liked chocolate. He wanted to travel, I wanted to travel. He studied the effects of humic acids on the mineralization of low concentrations of organic compounds, I knew what a few of those words meant. I was convinced we were perfect for each other.<\/p>\n

\u201cYou shouldn\u2019t bother trying to act like someone you\u2019re not,\u201d advised my very wise friend Avi. \u201cIf you\u2019re not compatible, it\u2019s best you find out now rather than waste your time.\u201d<\/p>\n

He was right. It might have been easy enough to make some embellishments over coffee, but if this was to turn into anything serious, I wouldn\u2019t be able to keep it up for long. I wanted him to like me, but more importantly he needed to like me, even if it\u2019s the version of myself who doesn\u2019t know anything about basketball or humic acids.<\/p>\n

On our next date I told him about my interests. I admitted that I don\u2019t always follow basketball, that I much prefer vanilla, and that I was never really a science person.<\/p>\n

We didn\u2019t have a lot of mutual interests, but as it turns out, we did have some things in common; hopes, dreams, goals and life philosophies.<\/p>\n

Suddenly chocolate versus vanilla didn\u2019t seem like such a big deal.<\/p>\n

\n

About Contributing Writers: <\/strong>Through a partnership between SawYouAtSinai<\/a> and the Orthodox Union, informative and interesting articles are submitted and reviewed by our joint team. We are committed to helping singles of all ages find the bashert.<\/em><\/p>\n

SawYouAtSinai.com<\/a><\/strong>, with over 30,000 members and over 1,100 engaged members since 2004, is the largest Jewish matchmaking site and is impacting the lives Jewish singles worldwide. This Jewish Matchmaking site adds the personal touch of a matchmaker to facilitate each member’s unique personality & needs. Matchmakers pre-screen, select and send matches to members, and with profiles only accessible to compatible singles, privacy and discretion is maintained. With 300+ experienced matchmakers, SawYouAtSinai.com serves Traditional, Conservative, Orthodox and Yeshivish singles from Jewish communities all around the world. People can sign up today at www.SawYouAtSinai.com<\/a><\/em><\/p>\n<\/div>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

It turns out you’re not as boring as you think.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":12,"featured_media":14410,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_cloudinary_featured_overwrite":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[18],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-13272","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-dating"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Great Pretender - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"We didn\u2019t have a lot of mutual interests, but as it turns out, we did have some things in common; hopes, dreams, goals and life philosophies.\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Great Pretender - OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"We didn\u2019t have a lot of mutual interests, but as it turns out, we did have some things in common; hopes, dreams, goals and life philosophies.\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:url\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:site_name\" content=\"OU Life\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:published_time\" content=\"2010-11-10T19:00:12+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"article:modified_time\" content=\"2015-11-02T12:42:39+00:00\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:image\" content=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:width\" content=\"320\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:height\" content=\"212\" \/>\n\t<meta property=\"og:image:type\" content=\"image\/gif\" \/>\n<meta name=\"author\" content=\"Joyce Schur\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:card\" content=\"summary_large_image\" \/>\n<meta name=\"twitter:label1\" content=\"Written by\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data1\" content=\"Joyce Schur\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:label2\" content=\"Est. reading time\" \/>\n\t<meta name=\"twitter:data2\" content=\"4 minutes\" \/>\n<script type=\"application\/ld+json\" class=\"yoast-schema-graph\">{\"@context\":\"https:\/\/schema.org\",\"@graph\":[{\"@type\":\"WebPage\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/\",\"name\":\"The Great Pretender - OU Life\",\"isPartOf\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\"},\"primaryImageOfPage\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/#primaryimage\"},\"image\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/#primaryimage\"},\"thumbnailUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif\",\"datePublished\":\"2010-11-10T19:00:12+00:00\",\"dateModified\":\"2015-11-02T12:42:39+00:00\",\"author\":{\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/adde1674b259c687836b06295f742de9\"},\"description\":\"We didn\u2019t have a lot of mutual interests, but as it turns out, we did have some things in common; hopes, dreams, goals and life philosophies.\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"ReadAction\",\"target\":[\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/\"]}]},{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/#primaryimage\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif\",\"width\":\"320\",\"height\":\"212\"},{\"@type\":\"WebSite\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/\",\"name\":\"OU Life\",\"description\":\"Everyday Jewish Living\",\"potentialAction\":[{\"@type\":\"SearchAction\",\"target\":{\"@type\":\"EntryPoint\",\"urlTemplate\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}\"},\"query-input\":{\"@type\":\"PropertyValueSpecification\",\"valueRequired\":true,\"valueName\":\"search_term_string\"}}],\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\"},{\"@type\":\"Person\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/adde1674b259c687836b06295f742de9\",\"name\":\"Joyce Schur\",\"image\":{\"@type\":\"ImageObject\",\"inLanguage\":\"en-US\",\"@id\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/fbf989c7ea28439a35a27d052ffaea8b29a5c716bc8d240fd0c928e8fb0ef0db?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"contentUrl\":\"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/fbf989c7ea28439a35a27d052ffaea8b29a5c716bc8d240fd0c928e8fb0ef0db?s=96&d=mm&r=g\",\"caption\":\"Joyce Schur\"},\"description\":\"Joyce Schur is a writer, an editor, and a veteran of the war on cancer. She has been interviewed by Fox News and Oprah magazine as an advocate for BRCA genetic testing, especially among women of Ashkenazic Jewish descent.\",\"url\":\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/joyce\/\"}]}<\/script>\n<!-- \/ Yoast SEO plugin. -->","yoast_head_json":{"title":"The Great Pretender - OU Life","description":"We didn\u2019t have a lot of mutual interests, but as it turns out, we did have some things in common; hopes, dreams, goals and life philosophies.","robots":{"index":"index","follow":"follow","max-snippet":"max-snippet:-1","max-image-preview":"max-image-preview:large","max-video-preview":"max-video-preview:-1"},"canonical":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/","og_locale":"en_US","og_type":"article","og_title":"The Great Pretender - OU Life","og_description":"We didn\u2019t have a lot of mutual interests, but as it turns out, we did have some things in common; hopes, dreams, goals and life philosophies.","og_url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/","og_site_name":"OU Life","article_published_time":"2010-11-10T19:00:12+00:00","article_modified_time":"2015-11-02T12:42:39+00:00","og_image":[{"width":320,"height":212,"url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif","type":"image\/gif"}],"author":"Joyce Schur","twitter_card":"summary_large_image","twitter_misc":{"Written by":"Joyce Schur","Est. reading time":"4 minutes"},"schema":{"@context":"https:\/\/schema.org","@graph":[{"@type":"WebPage","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/","name":"The Great Pretender - OU Life","isPartOf":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website"},"primaryImageOfPage":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/#primaryimage"},"image":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/#primaryimage"},"thumbnailUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif","datePublished":"2010-11-10T19:00:12+00:00","dateModified":"2015-11-02T12:42:39+00:00","author":{"@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/adde1674b259c687836b06295f742de9"},"description":"We didn\u2019t have a lot of mutual interests, but as it turns out, we did have some things in common; hopes, dreams, goals and life philosophies.","inLanguage":"en-US","potentialAction":[{"@type":"ReadAction","target":["https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/"]}]},{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/relationships\/dating\/the_great_pretender\/#primaryimage","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif","contentUrl":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/files\/Be-Yourself.gif","width":"320","height":"212"},{"@type":"WebSite","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#website","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/","name":"OU Life","description":"Everyday Jewish Living","potentialAction":[{"@type":"SearchAction","target":{"@type":"EntryPoint","urlTemplate":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/?s={search_term_string}"},"query-input":{"@type":"PropertyValueSpecification","valueRequired":true,"valueName":"search_term_string"}}],"inLanguage":"en-US"},{"@type":"Person","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/adde1674b259c687836b06295f742de9","name":"Joyce Schur","image":{"@type":"ImageObject","inLanguage":"en-US","@id":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/#\/schema\/person\/image\/","url":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/fbf989c7ea28439a35a27d052ffaea8b29a5c716bc8d240fd0c928e8fb0ef0db?s=96&d=mm&r=g","contentUrl":"https:\/\/secure.gravatar.com\/avatar\/fbf989c7ea28439a35a27d052ffaea8b29a5c716bc8d240fd0c928e8fb0ef0db?s=96&d=mm&r=g","caption":"Joyce Schur"},"description":"Joyce Schur is a writer, an editor, and a veteran of the war on cancer. She has been interviewed by Fox News and Oprah magazine as an advocate for BRCA genetic testing, especially among women of Ashkenazic Jewish descent.","url":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/author\/joyce\/"}]}},"acf":[],"brizy_media":[],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13272","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/12"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=13272"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13272\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":51290,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/13272\/revisions\/51290"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/14410"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=13272"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=13272"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=13272"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}