{"id":12970,"date":"2010-01-06T16:40:49","date_gmt":"2010-01-06T16:40:49","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/production.ou.org\/life\/other\/welcome_to_mommyland\/"},"modified":"2015-11-01T10:05:39","modified_gmt":"2015-11-01T15:05:39","slug":"welcome_to_mommyland","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/welcome_to_mommyland\/","title":{"rendered":"Welcome to Mommyland: Musings of a First-Time Mother"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"image\"<\/div>\n

There are a lot of adjustments that come with having a baby, but I considered myself better-prepared than many. I knew labor would be painful, but figured it couldn\u2019t be that bad if women everywhere did it every day. I didn\u2019t sweat the sleep deprivation thing, as being pregnant certainly prepares one for lack of sleep (re: trying to find a sleep position that accommodates the protruding stomach, aching ribs, and sciatica-ridden legs). I knew there would be less time for myself, and so I read everything I could in preparation of a long hibernation from the library, which I formerly frequented as often as a pre-teen patronizes a mall. And I was certainly looking forward to worrying less about my baby, certain that once I could see him in the flesh, I wouldn\u2019t be as apprehensive about his development and every move.<\/p>\n

Fast-forward three months to a wiser, more tired and more experienced me.<\/p>\n

After I gave birth, one of the first things I said to any woman who had children \u2013 including my mother \u2013 was the following question: \u201cWhy didn\u2019t you TELL me?\u201d This was in reference to the immense pain of labor; when they protested that they did<\/em> tell me, I replied that a throwaway comment was in no shape or form verbal preparation enough for the pain of giving birth. A half-hour conversation, with all the nitty-gritty details, might have sufficed. That goes for the epidural as well, which had been held up as a panacea to any pain of contractions. And it did \u2013 but for some women, the epidurals wear off before getting close to giving birth. I was one of those women. After my son Joshua was born, I was so utterly in awe of the enduring strength of women that I took to practically saluting each mother I saw the week after I gave birth.<\/p>\n

With the sleep deprivation, I was right about one thing: I was so used to being up at all hours of the night that it wasn\u2019t like there was much of a decrease in actual hours slept. Yet it\u2019s one thing to zone out in front of the TV when you\u2019re up at 3 a.m. and quite another to be feeding, burping, changing, and putting to bed a newborn baby, sometimes up to three times a night.<\/p>\n

As for the lack of time to myself, my voracious reading was, in fact, affected, but so were things like eating regular meals and the time to change from my pajamas to an actual outfit I could wear in public. Time becomes such a precious commodity when you are a new mother that the journey to the shower becomes a veritable landmine, filled with obstacles like getting a burp out of the baby, fielding constant phone calls from well-wishers and inquiring minds, and doing all the chores that make a household run. It is quite humbling for many an intelligent and capable career woman to have the goal for the day be in the form of a hot shower, and disquieting to realize that you must choose between said shower and a much-needed nap.<\/p>\n

And now, a word or two about the worrying.<\/p>\n

I have always been a worrier. No two ways about it \u2013 if a disaster might happen or potential perils lurk, I am thinking about it and anticipating it. I\u2019m not sure where this incessant worrying stems from \u2013 I suppose I could blame my mother, who\u2019s a truly wonderful, selfless and tireless woman but rather high-strung (the entire family flees the house before Passover lest we incur my mother\u2019s wrath by cleaning something the wrong way). Maybe I scare myself silly by religiously following the news (which is largely composed of both natural and man-made disasters \u2013 no one really wants to read a story with the headline \u201cHappy family goes to the movies\u201d or \u201cBoy, 6, Gets Stellar Report Card\u201d), and by one of my favorite pastimes, watching horror movies.<\/p>\n

When I met my husband, David, I was rather befuddled by his complete and utter lack of worrying. Chalk it up to two things: his inherently laid-back nature and his sincere religious outlook, which accounts for his absolute trust in G-d and the belief that He will take care of us no matter what.<\/p>\n

\"\"It\u2019s not that I don\u2019t believe in G-d \u2013 I do. But I see bad things happen to good people all\u00a0the time. And so, I worry. When I was pregnant, I worried constantly about my baby: Is he OK in there? Is he healthy and thriving? Is he moving around? People told me to relax, because pregnancy is the only time you really know where your baby is every second of the day. Still, while that may be true, I knew I would just calm down when I was able to see him in the flesh.<\/p>\n

I chuckle now at that, because of course, as every parent knows, there is no complete relaxing when you have a child, and after Joshua was born my worry only increased, which few people thought was possible. I kept watch over him like a hawk, feeling guilty if I began to drift off to sleep after being awake some 20-plus hours. I eyed every visitor with suspicion as they neared my son, not knowing if they were harboring flu germs or dirty hands. I have strained my back bending over Joshua\u2019s crib so many times to see his little chest rise up with each breath.<\/p>\n

Every commonplace thing became a potentially dire situation. Unplugged outlets, detergent and common medicine cabinet products loomed before me as red-alert items. The friendly golden retriever on the leash coming up the block suddenly transformed into a four-legged beast that could turn rabid at any moment (okay, that one actually is from Stephen King\u2019s Cujo). I double-check the stove each time to ensure it is turned off properly. I glance around for any spiders or roaches that could crawl near him, even swatting away fruit flies with a tennis racket until my husband assures me they are far more interested in the banana than our son. I insisted upon window guards despite the fact despite the fact that my son has yet to crawl, lest someone trip out the open window with the baby in his or her arms.<\/p>\n

I am truly at a loss about how best to protect my son \u2013 do I continue going overboard in the name of choosing to be safe rather than sorry? Or do I embrace my husband\u2019s line of thinking and raise him in a genuinely relaxed environment, letting him explore his new world which comes with the risk of getting hurt, so he can learn how to fend for himself?<\/p>\n

Since I\u2019ve been back at work, I obviously realize that I can\u2019t be with Joshua all the time. At some point, I am going to have to make a leap of faith and trust a babysitter; trust that she will protect my son and care for his every need, if not quite love him like a mother. And if I persist in worrying with the intensity which with I started, I will, in due time, drive myself absolutely crazy. And while nobody will worry about every little thing concerning my baby like I do \u2013 perhaps the best way I can love him is to take that leap of faith, ease up on the worrying and trust in G-d that he will be OK.<\/p>\n

\n

Tova Ross is an Institutional Advancement Communications Specialist at Yeshiva University.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Faith versus neuroses – for this mother, it’s a close match.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":292,"featured_media":14612,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12970","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nWelcome to Mommyland: Musings of a First-Time Mother<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"While nobody will worry about every little thing like I do, the best way I can love him is to take that leap of faith and trust God that my baby will be OK\" \/>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/welcome_to_mommyland\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" 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