{"id":10383,"date":"2007-06-07T20:13:00","date_gmt":"2007-06-07T20:13:00","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/production.ou.org\/life\/other\/with_pleasure\/"},"modified":"2015-10-26T09:12:23","modified_gmt":"2015-10-26T14:12:23","slug":"with_pleasure","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/life\/parenting\/with_pleasure\/","title":{"rendered":"With Pleasure"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"image\"<\/div>\n

I was leaving a meeting at about 9:00 PM on a Thursday night when I heard my cell phone beep. It was a text message from my wife Jody. It read: “Did you get my other message?” And I thought: uh oh…that meant I had missed something important.<\/p>\n

I saw that there was indeed another message waiting for me. I opened it and read. “Please pick up a dozen eggs from the supermarket for Shabbat.”<\/p>\n

Well, it could have been worse. Still, I groaned. It was late Thursday, a night notorious for the worst in Israeli supermarket behavior – wall-to-wall customers pushing and shoving then depositing their carts in the checkout line and leaving for a half an hour to continue shopping.<\/p>\n

I picked up the phone, called Jody, and started making excuses.<\/p>\n

\u201cNu…how do you expect me to make the cakes for Shabbat?\u201d Jody replied, rather curtly I might add.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan\u2019t we get the eggs tomorrow?\u201d I responded. \u201cYou\u2019re not really cooking any more tonight, are you, sweetie?\u201d<\/p>\n

“Tomorrow you wanted to go on a tiyul with the kids, remember?”<\/p>\n

Now, the entire time this conversation was taking place, I had already been on my way to the store. That\u2019s the thing about me. I complain royally but I always do the right thing in the end.<\/p>\n

As I headed home, eggs in hand, I couldn\u2019t stop my internal monologue: If you know you\u2019re going anyway, why does it have to be such a pain to get there?<\/p>\n

Fifteen-year-old Amir and thirteen-year-old Merav were both still awake when I got home. Amir was furiously fingering his Nintendo DS while Merav was in front of the computer watching the blooper reel from the final season of Friends on a DVD.<\/p>\n

There were two bags of garbage waiting by the front door plus a smaller bag of recyclables.<\/p>\n

\u201cCan one of you guys please take out the trash?\u201d I heard Jody ask as I lay the eggs on the counter.<\/p>\n

\u201cDo we have to?\u201d Merav snapped back.<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah,\u201d Amir added, \u201cCan\u2019t we wait until tomorrow? We\u2019re busy!\u201d<\/p>\n

That sounded way too familiar…<\/p>\n

How did we get to this point as a family, where everyone is seemingly out for themselves? Where we don\u2019t know \u2013 or never learned \u2013 the meaning of the word “teamwork?”<\/p>\n

And what could we do to turn things around?<\/p>\n

When I used to work in a big office, we had all manner of team building exercises: treasure hunts, climbing walls, sushi nights. But these seemed more like gimmicks. They might produce some short-term results, but we needed some serious behavior modification.<\/p>\n

No, there was only one real choice: brutal, disarming honesty\u2026mixed with a little reverse psychology.<\/p>\n

On the walk to shul the following night, I announced \u201cI have a confession to make.\u201d<\/p>\n

Now, my kids love a good sob story, so I had their rapt attention\u2026for at least a few seconds.<\/p>\n

I started in and related the story of the eggs in all its self-centered glory. \u201cSo has anything like this ever happened to you guys?\u201d I asked.<\/p>\n

Amir and Merav looked around nervously but said nothing. Eight-year-old Aviv was the first to respond.<\/p>\n

\u201cHey look at that rock over there. It looks like a face, right Abba?\u201d<\/p>\n

How does he do that? Change the subject so deftly? No matter. I was ready with my curve ball. I stepped up to the blame plate.<\/p>\n

\u201cListen guys,\u201d I said. \u201cI know it\u2019s all my fault. It\u2019s me. I am the cause of all our bad un-team like behavior. If I wouldn\u2019t kvetch every time your mother asked me to do anything, you wouldn\u2019t either.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cDon\u2019t be silly Abba,\u201d Amir said at once. \u201cWe\u2019re kids. That\u2019s what we do. Even if you weren\u2019t around, we\u2019d still complain.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, sure. But maybe if you had a better model you\u2019d at least complain less,\u201d I countered.<\/p>\n

\u201cWe need to be able to count on each other,\u201d Jody added. \u201cNot only with chores.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cRight,\u201d I continued. \u201cLike, if it\u2019s raining, Amir. Don\u2019t you count on either Imma or me to pick you up from school?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYeah\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou know what I would love when I ask you guys to do something,\u201d Jody said. \u201cI\u2019d love to hear you say \u2018with pleasure, Imma. Of course I would be glad to clear the dishes.\u2019\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cBut it\u2019s not a pleasure to clear the dishes,\u201d Merav said quickly.<\/p>\n

\u201cBut you could say the words,\u201d Jody said, \u201ceven if you don\u2019t mean it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cWhat\u2019s the point of that?\u201d Merav shot back.<\/p>\n

\u201cI\u2019m going to do it,\u201d I announced with a flourish. \u201cFrom now on, whenever anyone asks me to do something, I\u2019m going to say \u2018with pleasure\u2019 and just do it.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cSo, can you give me 100 shekels,\u201d Merav jumped in. I glared at her.<\/p>\n

\u201cAnyway, just think about it tonight when you’re davening in shul, OK?\u201d<\/p>\n

The next night during dinner we tried out our new approach.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmir,\u201d Jody asked. \u201cCan you get the hummous out of the fridge?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOnly if I get some first,\u201d Amir barked.<\/p>\n

\u201cAmir\u2026\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cOK, with pleasure.\u201d<\/p>\n

It didn\u2019t sound so genuine. You know, this might not go as smoothly as when we went total cold turkey a couple of years back and snapped our addiction to television. Yes, it might take time.<\/p>\n

But if we stay the course, if we as parents are consistent, maybe there can be some trickle-down behavior.<\/p>\n

If everything goes well, it will truly be my pleasure to report it to you!<\/p>\n

\n

Brian Blum is a journalist and entrepreneur based in Jerusalem. He writes the weekly column <\/i>This Normal Life (www.ThisNormalLife.com<\/a>). His latest startup <\/i>Bloggerce (www.bloggerce.com)<\/a> provides online publishing solutions for budding bloggers. Contact him at <\/i>brianblum@gmail.com<\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

I was leaving a meeting at about 9:00 PM on a Thursday night when I heard my cell phone beep. It was a text message from my wife Jody. It read: “Did you get my other message?” And I thought: uh oh…that meant I had missed something important. I saw that there was indeed another<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":117,"featured_media":49663,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[89,5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-10383","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-growth","category-parenting"],"yoast_head":"\nWith Pleasure - OU Life<\/title>\n<meta name=\"description\" content=\"I asked myself: how did we get to this point as a family where everyone's seemingly out for themselves? 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