{"id":536,"date":"2026-08-09T18:43:39","date_gmt":"2026-08-09T18:43:39","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/kol-echad\/?p=536"},"modified":"2026-08-09T19:17:34","modified_gmt":"2026-08-09T19:17:34","slug":"the-single-hock-organized-hospitality","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/kol-echad\/the-single-hock-organized-hospitality\/","title":{"rendered":"The Single Hock: Organized Hospitality"},"content":{"rendered":"

Over the past year, Kol Echad launched Meal Coordinators \u2013 a paid position to ensure that meals are available to all who could benefit from an invite – in different communities. The official nature of this position spurred some heated debate, so we asked Esther F. and Rachel, two single women who prefer not to share their names, to share their thoughts on the matter: <\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Esther F.:<\/span><\/b> Can I start with some kefirah?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I think organized Shabbos invitation programs\u00a0\u2013\u00a0either\u00a0the\u00a0WhatsApp\u00a0group\u00a0that\u00a0people\u00a0can\u00a0ask\u00a0for\u00a0a\u00a0meal\u00a0on\u00a0or\u00a0shul-based\u00a0systems,\u00a0can make loneliness worse.\u00a0Not because they\u00a0don’t\u00a0feed people\u00a0or\u00a0because the hosts\u00a0aren’t\u00a0kind.\u00a0But because everyone involved knows\u00a0exactly\u00a0what’s\u00a0happening. The guest knows they were placed. The host knows they were assigned. And somewhere beneath the warmth and kugel,\u00a0there’s\u00a0the uncomfortable feeling that this\u00a0wasn’t\u00a0a\u00a0relationship,\u00a0it was a project.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Rachel:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0That’s\u00a0a\u00a0very good\u00a0point.\u00a0But let me ask you this: compared to what?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Compared to the ideal of neighbors naturally inviting one another\u00a0or compared to reality?\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

The reality, in many communities, is that people\u00a0spend\u00a0Shabbos alone. Week after week. Not because no one cares, but because everyone assumes someone else invited them, or because people\u00a0don’t\u00a0know\u00a0who’s\u00a0looking for a meal, or because\u00a0they’re\u00a0simply busy\u00a0and overwhelmed and all the good excuses that exist.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A flawed invitation beats no invitation.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

EF:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0You’re\u00a0making a pragmatic argument. I understand it.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But communities\u00a0don’t\u00a0only solve logistical problems; they also create culture.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Once hospitality becomes someone’s job, everyone else’s responsibility subtly diminishes.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Instead of asking, “Who haven’t I seen at my table lately?”\u00a0people\u00a0start wondering, “Doesn’t the coordinator take care of that?”<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That’s\u00a0not building\u00a0community.\u00a0That’s\u00a0outsourcing it.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

R:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0Unless the coordinator’s entire purpose is to remind people to ask exactly that question.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Think about it this way: every healthy community has infrastructure.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We have\u00a0gabbaim\u00a0because we\u00a0don’t\u00a0trust\u00a0aliyos\u00a0to happen spontaneously.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We have presidents because we\u00a0don’t\u00a0expect institutions to run themselves.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

We have\u00a0bikur\u00a0cholim\u00a0committees because good intentions alone\u00a0don’t\u00a0visit hospital rooms.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why should hospitality be the one area where organization is somehow seen as less authentic?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

EF:<\/span><\/b> Because hospitality\u00a0isn’t a service.\u00a0It’s\u00a0a friendship.\u00a0Or at least\u00a0it’s\u00a0supposed to\u00a0be.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

There’s\u00a0something profoundly Jewish about someone saying, “Come because I want you at my table.”\u00a0That’s\u00a0very different\u00a0from, “Come because you’re on this week’s list.”<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

R:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0I\u00a0think\u00a0you’re\u00a0oversimplifying\u00a0this. Are those really the only two options?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Most meaningful relationships begin with some form of introduction.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Someone introduces you\u00a0at\u00a0a wedding.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A mutual friend says, “You two should meet.”<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

A rabbi connects two families.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

No one says those friendships are artificial because they began with structure.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Why can’t a Shabbos invitation work the same way?<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

EF:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0All those examples are missing one thing\u00a0\u2013\u00a0vulnerability, and that\u00a0changes the equation.\u00a0If\u00a0I’m\u00a0introduced to someone professionally,\u00a0there’s\u00a0no imbalance.\u00a0If\u00a0I’m\u00a0invited because everyone knows\u00a0I “need” a meal,\u00a0then that imbalance hangs over all future interactions.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

And even if no one else is\u00a0thinking\u00a0it, I am.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

That\u00a0matters.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

B:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0It absolutely matters.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Which is why these programs\u00a0have to\u00a0be designed with\u00a0tact.\u00a0We’ve\u00a0all\u00a0participated\u00a0in events or programs where the tactless coordinator was patronizing. Thankfully,\u00a0I’ve\u00a0also\u00a0participated\u00a0in programs where I felt seen and respected.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

EF:<\/span><\/b> There’s\u00a0another\u00a0danger in\u00a0a system. Imagine seeing an ad in a magazine that touts the efficacy of a meal program and lets readers know they place a hundred\u00a0guests\u00a0\u2013 and you are one of those guests.\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

R:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0Fair enough.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

But the opposite danger is equally real.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Communities congratulate themselves on being warm because everyone knows everyone\u00a0–\u00a0except for the people no one notices.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

I’ve\u00a0learned to distrust communities that insist they\u00a0don’t\u00a0need systems\u00a0because everyone is cared for.\u00a0Sometimes they\u00a0really\u00a0don’t\u00a0need any\u00a0systems,\u00a0but sometimes they simply\u00a0don’t\u00a0know\u00a0who’s\u00a0being left out.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

EF:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0I think\u00a0I’m\u00a0coming around to your side. But being that you are so systems-oriented, let me ask you this \u2013 what does success look like? Is the\u00a0goal\u00a0to reach a\u00a0point where the coordinator is no longer necessary\u00a0because the culture has changed so dramatically?\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

R:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0I’m\u00a0not\u00a0sure\u00a0that’s\u00a0a goal at all.\u00a0Some communities are transient\u00a0and without someone tracking, people will invariably get forgotten.\u00a0Some\u00a0communities\u00a0are enormous\u00a0and without a coordinator, people will definitely fall through the cracks.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

Maybe a\u00a0system is scaffolding that just never gets taken down. I seem to see that all over New York City…\u00a0<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

EF:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0Perhaps the\u00a0longer\u00a0that scaffolding\u00a0stands, the harder it becomes to build the neighborhood that no longer needs it.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

R:<\/span><\/b>\u00a0Or\u00a0perhaps without\u00a0the\u00a0scaffolding, no neighborhood is ever built in the first place.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n

What are your thoughts \u2013 organic invitations or meal coordinators? Do you have a topic\u00a0you’d\u00a0like our ‘single\u00a0hockers’ to debate? Email us at kolechad@ou.org\u00a0<\/span><\/i>\u00a0<\/span><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the past year, Kol Echad launched Meal Coordinators \u2013 a paid position to ensure that meals are available to all who could benefit from an invite – in different communities. The official nature of this position spurred some heated debate, so we asked Esther F. and Rachel, two single women who prefer not to […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":134185,"featured_media":538,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-536","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-personalities-and-perspectives"],"yoast_head":"\nThe Single Hock: Organized Hospitality - Kol Echad<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/www.ou.org\/kol-echad\/the-single-hock-organized-hospitality\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"The Single Hock: Organized Hospitality - Kol Echad\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Over the past year, Kol Echad launched Meal Coordinators \u2013 a paid position to ensure that meals are available to all who could benefit from an invite – in different communities. 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