It was 2006, and this was the moment Neuberger\u2019s mental wheels started spinning.<\/p>\n
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Neuberger, a native of Borough Park, had just graduated from Columbia University with an MBA and a Master’s in International Affairs, after running operations at a financial firm. She would eventually be selected as a White House Fellow and join the Pentagon and National Security Agency, becoming one of the country’s most senior intelligence and cybersecurity experts. But in this moment, in her private community life, she was unnerved by the challenges facing single mothers post-divorce.<\/p>\n
She began to research, calling friends who confirmed that indeed, there was no women\u2019s organization dedicated to supporting frum (religious) divorced women. She called a childhood friend who had recently gotten divorced and asked, \u201cWhat\u2019s life like as a divorced woman?\u201d<\/p>\n
\u201cFinancially, I’m okay,\u201d her friend told her. \u201cBut emotionally, I’m so lonely, I feel so judged. What\u2019s the place for a divorced frum woman in our society? Alone?\u201d<\/p>\n
Neuberger couldn\u2019t stop thinking about the unpredictability of life \u2014 the fact that no one knows where one’s life will go. That divorce can happen to anyone, and that few communities are prepared to help when it does. Who helps a woman struggling with basic expenses when she has no one to turn to? Who helps her navigate both the legal and Beis Din system? Who advises her on single parenting, on how to help a son who now has to sit alone in shul? And where can she find emotional peer support, where she can safely unload her heart? What about her children? How do children from divorced homes meet other children and get the support they need to navigate the often more complicated life of a child from a divorced home?<\/p>\n
This was the first seed of \u201cSister to Sister.\u201d<\/p>\n
A Community of Women<\/strong><\/p>\n One woman, feeling particularly lonely and isolated, decided to send a little birthday gift to another woman with a note: \u201cWith love from your sisters.\u201d<\/p>\n The idea quickly grew into a birthday program. At first, it was for 200 women, spread throughout the year, with one young Hasidic woman named Elky G., who volunteered to mail gifts. As the program expanded to 600 recipients and then 1,000, the volunteer started recruiting other volunteers.<\/p>\n Soon, a group of Hasidic women were sitting together in a basement, wrapping gifts and writing cards for all kinds of Jewish women, recognizing that their involvement implicitly raised awareness and compassion for women raising children alone. \u201cThis is Klal Yisrael,\u201d Neuberger noted. \u201cAll they cared about was this one woman who was alone and the joy she\u2019d feel from knowing she\u2019s not forgotten.\u201d<\/p>\n One Yom Tov, Sister to Sister sent \u201csisters\u201d a piece of jewelry. When a Sister noticed another woman in the grocery store wearing the same pair of earrings, they connected instantly, knowing they were both experiencing the same struggles.<\/p>\n Over a meal in Israel, a young seminary girl who\u2019d been brought by a friend told Neuberger, \u201cMy mom is a part of Sister to Sister, and I just want to say how grateful our family is because it meant so much to her.\u201d<\/p>\n \u201cIt happens all the time. People randomly come over. I get so emotional,\u201d her voice broke as she shared – \u201cthe ones who talk about their mothers and how much they admire their strength\u2026 we often remind moms about that but it also shows us that perhaps some of the stigma has gone away.\u201d<\/p>\n Growing Pains and Gains<\/strong><\/p>\n Despite the initial criticism, the organization continued to expand. What Neuberger didn\u2019t yet understand was the sheer scope of the problem. Within a short time, the organization would offer divorced women a peer support network, resource referrals, events for women and children, dating support, Shabbos and Yom Tov hospitality, counseling on finances and employment, and legal and Beis Din assistance. The target population was diverse and ambitious \u2014 from Hasidic to Litvish to Chabad to modern to Sephardic, the need was so great that women from across the oft-divided community spectrum had no qualms about coming together for the first programs.<\/p>\n The beginning was not simple. Initially, critics frowned and suggested that the organization was encouraging divorce and the breaking up of families. (The organization only works with women who are already living apart from their husbands and undergoing divorce proceedings.)<\/p>\n Neuberger was surprised by the amount of ignorance they encountered \u2014 some suggested to her that merely talking to a couple could save the marriage from divorce. Neuberger thought to herself, \u201cAnd if someone walks out?\u201d Sister to Sister was often saddened by the absence of advocates for women in Batei Din, in a process that is already emotional and intimidating for women.<\/p>\n The Power of Self-Sufficiency<\/strong><\/p>\n Neuberger is particularly passionate about helping women achieve financial independence.<\/strong> According to a recent OU survey, an overwhelming number of divorced Orthodox women are economically vulnerable: half have household incomes below $35,000 per year, and 63% are receiving government assistance. Only three in five of the women can pay for a $400 emergency expense without taking on debt.<\/p>\n \u201cA woman must be able to support herself if needed; it\u2019s the most empowering thing for her and her children,\u201d Neuberger said. Sister to Sister helps women access resources for college degrees and job training. The organization found that while 90% of \u201cSisters\u201d work \u2014 about half (48%) are interested in starting a new career, and 57% could not afford the costs associated with education or training.<\/p>\n A Call for Communal Accountability<\/strong><\/p>\n When asked what she wishes the frum community would better understand, Neuberger is blunt: \u201cWe should not be rushing young people into marriage \u2014 we must be asking them the right questions \u2014 probing questions \u2014 beforehand. The rise in early divorces, after several weeks or months of marriage, is truly troubling.\u201d<\/p>\n She also emphasizes that frum society itself needs to think differently about how couples pursue a divorce. \u201cNothing destroys a child like seeing their parents fighting. And nothing destroys a woman like seeing her ex refuse to financially support his children or withhold a get unless he\u2019s paid exorbitant sums.,\u201d she said. \u201cFrum society should hold men accountable for behaving like \u2018menchen\u2019 during a divorce and afterwards .\u201d To her, the measure of a society is how it treats those who struggle. Additionally, signing a halachic prenuptial agreement, she argues, is one of the most important things a couple can do for their children.<\/p>\n
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