- Must a single woman do Hataras Nedarim?
The great halachic authorities of the last generation debate whether women are obligated in Hataras Nedarim or fulfill this obligation by attending Kol Nidrei on Yom Kippur. (Halichos Shlomo, Rosh Hashanah 1:10, citing Rav Shlomo Zalman Auerbach, posits that women are not required, while Ashrei Haish 3:13:24–25, citing Rav Elyashiv, posits that women are indeed required.) It seems that the more prevalent custom is that women do not do Hataras Nedarim on Erev Rosh Hashanah, especially if they will be going to shul for Kol Nidrei. A woman may certainly recite Hataras Nedarim if she wishes and would need to have three men to serve as a Beis Din for this purpose.
- Must a single woman say Selichos? If so, how should this be done if davening alone?
A woman is not required to recite Selichos but may certainly do so if she wishes. When reciting Selichos without a minyan, the 13 Attributes of Mercy and passages written in Aramaic should not be recited. (Mishnah Berurah 581:4, Mateh Ephraim 581:21)
- I may have offended someone I once dated. Should I ask her for mechilah?
Yes, absolutely! Dating can be emotionally charged and intense. Due to the nature of the conversations, it is not uncommon to say something that can cause pain, albeit unintended. One should certainly consider if one has offended another during dating and ask for mechilah. Depending on the situation, it may be easier to email or text an apology as opposed to calling or meeting in person. Each situation is delicate and should be judged accordingly. This is a good question to discuss with your Rav before deciding how to proceed.
- What obligation is there for a woman to hear Shofar?
Women are exempt from all time-bound mitzvos and are therefore exempt from hearing the shofar. However, some posit that women have accepted upon themselves the time-bound mitzvah of shofar and should therefore try to hear at least 30 shofar blasts. As such, many shuls arrange for a special opportunity for women to hear shofar if they are unable to hear it during davening. (Shulchan Aruch 589:3 and 6; Responsa Rav Akiva Eiger 1 in Hashmatos; Mishnah Berurah does not mention that women have accepted this upon themselves.)
- What obligation is there for a woman to shake Lulav and Esrog?
Women are exempt from all time-bound mitzvos and are therefore exempt from shaking the lulav and esrog. However, some posit that women have accepted upon themselves the time-bound mitzvah of lulav and esrog. A woman is not required to purchase her own set of daled minim for this purpose. Sephardic women do not make a berachah on daled minim, while Ashkenazi women do. (Mishnah Berurah 654:1 and Shaar Hatzion ad loc. 1; Responsa Rav Akiva Eiger 1 in Hashmatos; Mishnah Berurah does not mention that women have accepted this upon themselves.)
- What obligation is there for a woman to sit in a Sukkah?
Women are exempt from all time-bound mitzvos and are therefore exempt from sitting in the sukkah. However, some posit that women have accepted upon themselves the time-bound mitzvah of sitting in the sukkah. Sephardic women do not make a berachah of leishev ba’sukkah, while Ashkenazi women do. If there is any difficulty or challenge in being able to sit in a sukkah, a woman is certainly not required to go to great lengths to arrange to do so. (Shulchan Aruch 640:1; Mishnah Berurah ad loc. 1; Responsa Rav Akiva Eiger 1 in Hashmatos; Mishnah Berurah does not mention that women have accepted this upon themselves.)
- Simchas Torah is hard for me in my shul, watching the men and children dance when I am unmarried. What is a meaningful way to spend the Yom Tov?
That’s a very hard question. It is difficult for me to fully appreciate how difficult this may be. Everyone is different; for some, it may be valuable to come to shul and face the elephant in the room. For others, it may be a situation to avoid, and deliberately not to do so. There is nothing wrong with using the time for rest and relaxation, like taking a walk, reading a book, or spending time with friends. You should not feel guilty doing so. A third option is to take a proactive role by doing something more meaningful during that time. I know some women who have arranged for someone to give a shiur during hakafos, or to learn something with someone else or as a group. Additionally, you can consider visiting someone who can’t make it to shul altogether and lift his or her spirits. That can be very powerful and meaningful for all. Again, this is also a very good question to discuss with the Rav of your shul to see if he has any ideas as to what can be done for singles in your shul who are in this situation.
Rabbi Moshe Walter is the rabbi of Woodside Synagogue Ahavas Torah in Silver Spring, Maryland, the executive director of the Vaad HaRabanim of Greater Washington, and the mara d’asra of Oorah’s Camp, The Zone. Rabbi Walter’s latest book in his halachah and minhag series, The Making of the Siddur, will be released this Elul by Feldheim publishers.